This was something from 8/13/2000. I don’t have my original responses, unfortunately, so I’m just going to go through it with responses from today.

New Survey Questions – 8/13/2000

This one’s gonna be rather personal, so beware….

Name: Sean
Occupation: Nerd
Time you’ve been on OD: Note that this is something from Open Diary. I started writing there in 1999, coming back from my self-imposed separation from doing this after the unfortunate incident as a high school student in 1994.
Current hours of continuous depression: Yeah, I have no idea what this was from. Not many.
Current hours of continuous boredom: Zero.
Last time you were drunk: It’s been awhile. I had a double G&T last night with a beer chaser. I don’t remember feeling much of anything.
Poison: I really don’t even know. Gin is probably most frequent.
Fave drink: Sazerac
Last time you were drunk on fave drink: Never? Those are tough to do more than one.
Last time drinking made you drive the porcelain buick: I don’t know. It’s been a very long time; more than a decade ago.
Last time drinking made you not make it to the porcelain buick: I don’t know that that’s ever happened.
Margaritas–frozen or on the rocks: On the rocks
Margaritas–salt oder nein: Salt
Beer–Best: I don’t have anything in particular, really. I will say that if there’s Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald available, I’ll probably drink it. Cleveland beer.
Beer–Worst: I don’t know. MGD, maybe? Rolling Rock? Michelob Ultra actually might be like sex in a canoe; fucking near water.
Have you consumed the following ghetto drinks:
MadDog 20/20: Yes.
Boone’s Farm: Yes.
Ripple: Yes.
Thunderbird: Yes.
Malt Liquor: Yes. And nobody got the hint last year that I might have wanted a 40-ounce Old English for my 40th birthday….
Moonshine: Yes
Wine Coolers: Yes
Zima: Yes
Do you smoke cigarettes: Not anymore.
Brand: N/A
Cigars: Not anymore.
Brand: N/A
Number of ashtrays in your house/flat/tenament/trailer/cardboard box/parkbench: Zero
Pipe: I’ve smoked one before, yes, but I’ve never owned one.
Fave pipe tobacco: No idea
Ever chewed snuff: Yes
Ever actually snuffed snuff: No
Ever chewed Long Cut: Yes
Ever chewed plug: No
Did you puke the first time you chewed: No. I was worried about that, naturally, with my fear of vomiting.

That whole section was pretty much unnecessary. I haven’t had any real tobacco in over ten years.

Do you own any: No
What’s your fave in your collection: I don’t have any. Probably not a good idea for a guy too blind to drive.
Do you have a placard on your truck that reads “Driver carries at least $20 in ammo.”: I don’t have a truck
Number of shotguns in your gunrack in said truck: I don’t have a truck
Do you think a gun shop in the East End of Newport News is a good business opportunity: No.
What hydrocarbon powered vehicles do you own: Zero. I’m too blind to drive.
From whom did you buy it: N/A
Is it a Ford: I owned one for something like eight years. I had fun in it for a while….when it wasn’t raining.
If so, is it green: No. It was red.
Brand of tires: I was a longtime BFG fan. But the Dunlop ATs I had on one of my Jeeps were great. On the Mustang, I was very skeptical about tires from Worst Korea, but the Kumhos I had on the Mustang were the best ones I ever had on it. Where you normally get petrol/gas: N/A. I haven’t driven since 2012.
Stick or automatic: I never owned a car with an automatic.
Have you had sex: I’m married.
What’s your magic number: For my wife and I to know. But, since I met my wife, it’s been one.
When was the last time you had sex: It’s happened in the past few weeks.
Was it good: No comment.
Has it ever been good: Yes.
What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done: Nunya
Make an inventory of your sex toys: Nunya
Number of times a day you masturbate: Somewhere around zero.
Does this number vary with the frequency of sex: Yes.
What does your mother know of your sex life: Very little. She does know that I’ve been married for almost a decade, and she’s probably not getting grandkids.
Have you ever thought about food while having sex: I’m sure it’s happened, but I can’t recall a particular instance any time recently.
Have you ever used food for sex: Um?
What’s your favorite food: I really am not sure at this point.
Do you think there should be litigation against the fast food resturants like the tobacco companies: No.
Do you eat at French Restaurants: Yes.
What’s wrong with you: Many things.
What did you eat last: Ritz Crisps
Did you cook it: No
How bad is the heartburn: I’m on meds for that.

News after the flashback/entry.

Joe Biden wants to mandate masks. NPR, aka entertainment for rich white people, reports

No mention of penalty, jail, prison. But that’s the way they want it. Yes, I’ll wear a mask. No, I don’t think the state should throw you in prison for not wearing one. Joe disagrees. Who’s put more people in prison — Joe or his running mate? Is it easier to sniff hair through a mask?


Sofa King busy.

The cesspool that is Facebook is blocking this link, so I’ll be sure to share.

Obviously, that Biden’s handlers chose Kamala The Cop as the Vice President is the biggest story of the day.

Embedding a Tweet:

The mayor of DC paved over street art saying “Defund The Police” just as Kamala The Cop was being rolled out as the VP candidate.

Protest is okay so long as it’s state-approved in the manner they like. “Black LIves Matter Plaza” == good. “Defund The Police” == can’t have that.

8/12/05 – 8/12/2005

Still alive.

Been just working hard, with nothing much to say. It’s weird, however; I’m kicking ass at work these days, which brings praise. But I hate being doted over — really hate being recognized for anything publicly. I know some people thrive on that, but….

You want to get through to me about appreciation? It ain’t hard.

Pay me.

I suppose I should talk a bit about what I’m doing after my “promotion.” Essentially, I’m now the IT director for my company. I administer all of the computers in the office (now probably approaching 80), including the mission-critical air machines. Up until two weeks ago, this job had been divided among three people. Now it’s just me. (I’ve also still got some air stuff; let’s just put it this way……if I couldn’t be on the air, I’d go and do the same thing for a lot more money)

Compounding the problem is that we’ve been moving approximately a third of the staff due to the construction after the flood. It’s been a hassle, and the whole adjusting-to-daytime thing is trying, also.

There seems to be some forward momentum in life again, although somehow this seems sort of dead-end unless I can get something going on the air side, too. If anything, I hope I can make enough money to get myself into a better financial situation before I have to go look for another job (or go back to school).

Other shit….

Got new glasses today. They make me feel like I’m about fifteen feet tall. I’m not sure if this is going to work out. Took A. along when I went and picked out frames since she was a) so critical of my old ones, and b) thinks I needed some to make me look better so I can get married like everyone else…. >:-{ Ain’t like that’s going to happen anytime soon, anyway. But…..never know. I’ve been trying to get out more, be social, etc. etc.

That was an interesting tidbit, and there was no way to know that it’d be over in, what, three months?

The glasses bit was interesting, too. That would have been the last time I had an exam where the optometrist/ophthalmologist was able to correct me to 20/20 in both eyes.

The next year I’d have what was termed an “optic nerve contusion,” and really screwed up my vision for several weeks. (Probably and uncaught MS exacerbation)

In 2008, the optometrist couldn’t get me to 20/20 in the left eye, but I was pretty much okay.

In 2009, I barely passed the vision test for my license renewal.

By late 2012, I’d quit trying to drive at all.



Very long day at work, but I’m doing this because I committed to doing it.

Even though I know I shouldn’t.

But I’m thinking it might make me feel a bit better.


That’s what I’ll keep telling myself.

I went to look for news, then I remembered seeing this on Twitter:

Let’s make sure we don’t offend the blessed police union.

And Kamala is the VP selection is in.

To paraphrase Michael Malice — who’s put more black people in prison, Joe Biden or Kamala Harris?

So, which couple is more interesting to share a bottle of wine with — Don and Mike, or Joe and Kamala?

I kinda doubt Don and Mike drink, but I think they’d be less likely to lock people up for choosing to do it, so I don’t know…..

Flashback time, and I have no earthly idea what this was about.

Man, that sucked. – 8/11/2003

So, I made it through, and now everybody has disappeared again.

My life continues…

And as usual, I’m insomniac.

Well, the wedding itself……I’d never met any of her family other than one of her cousins who was a bridesmaid (and has ahem grown up since she was in high school), and her mother. As expected, there were many, many more of her family there than of mine. Things went off basically without a hitch. No cold feet or anything. But the entire time was torture for me, except when I ran out to get shaving cream to fix my brother’s car.

But even worse than the wedding was the constant probing about what’s up with my love life. The answer is “nothing” followed by “and I can deal with that okay.”

I was wondering what that was about, but, reading it more closely, it was about a wedding.

Um. Yeah. I’m not going to elaborate a lot more; the marriage didn’t last.

But shaving cream does do interesting things to a Ford’s paint job.


Pretty good session with my doctor this morning.

I think I got across much of what I wanted to say.

News. Things are really breaking today, and I’ll bet that few in the corporate media are going to cover it.

To paraphrase Joe Biden, This is a big f’n deal.

Essentially, the FBI fed bad information to the Senate after Comey was fired.

Will the most-trustworthy man in media, Chuck Todd, report on it?

I won’t hold my breath

At least I know there won’t be a horse’s head in my bed in the morning.

Nada – 8/10/2002

Went to Circuit City…..bad me. Ended up buying The Godfather box set, and a Liz Phair CD.

Movement at work……the gears are turning, and the higher-ups are starting to realize that they’ve been majorly had. I’ve hinted at it before, but I’m not tactful enough to get the point across.

Lonely. bleh.

Off to work….

I bit the bullet, and chose to pay for HBO again so we could watch it on something other than our phone. It was the same price between ComcastXfinity, so Hulu got the nod.

As I pay again because logging in with my cell provider’s info doesn’t work.

But maybe my wife and I will finish The Sopranos, and eat some Italian food. I’m losing weight again after cutting some things out of my diet.

I’m okay with this.

But I’m skeptical about whether my clothes will start fitting better.


Saw what I had for my draft, and said, “nein.”

While there was something somewhat appropriate about my views on police, dating way back to before 9/11, I don’t feel like sharing it. It was my reaction to seeing a longtime, now ex, girlfriend who was driving around with hair of a very strange color, and had a “Bad Cop. No Donut.” bumper sticker.

So free-write, basically.

Update on the news from the past couple of days. The fucker who strangled the woman who accused him of rape managed to succeed in killing himself.

Bridget Phetasy sometimes talks about messing with people in Nextdoor. Nextdoor is, completely unintentionally, a collection of the worst ideas of many homeowners’ associations wrapped up in a single place.

It remains that way.

You combine age, and the religious certainty of adherence to one of the two parties, and you get a downright awful place.

Whether or not this worm should have been released from jail is less important than the fact that the Commonwealth had a responsibility to protect the victim while the criminal justice process proceeded. It didn’t do that. It doesn’t fucking matter if it happened in a place that’s a single-party colossus, the state, and its agents, didn’t do their job, and a crime victim is dead because of that.

Background right now is this, something I’d missed when I thought they’d gone behind the censorial company’s paywall. Good stuff.


And eight is great!

Or something.

The story I mentioned briefly has become national news. (Choosing the Miami Herald mainly because that was the first thing that came up when I searched on Bing News.)

I didn’t notice that I wrote much about what I was doing with the Newport News CWA.

There were other things going on in the fall of 2001, of course. I was still working in news radio while juggling a fledgling radio career.

Would I go to law school? Yeah. That was the plain.

After almost diverting on to my whole spiel about how I never really wanted to be a lawyer, but a judge, I ended up in IT.

What I was doing at the CWA was assisting the Victim-Witness program.

What happened here is definitely needs investigation.

Let the justice system work. If the punishments are insufficient, change the laws in Richmond.

You can look at the political recriminations, but those are for after all the criminal proceedings are finished.

That said, the judge who let the guy out of jail was appointed by a certain Virginia Senator, and some blowback should ensue.

But, hey, Keep Virginia Blue! Permanent Democratic plurality rule just as Harry Byrd, et. al., intended.

Other news. Looks like the grandpa in the basement with a major party’s backing might be backing away from his essential promise to pick a “black” woman as his VP candidate.

One of the things that floated across the news stream the past couple of days was that the governor of Michigan. (And writing it that way makes me think of Tecmo Super Bowl, where one of the top quarterbacks was “QB Bills,” because they couldn’t reach an agreement for some of the players or something.) But searching around a bit, yep. Michigan State. She’s not going to be VP, even though she’s, objectively, far superior to the folks who’ve been commonly put forth. But she won’t get it because she’s outside the circles of power, especially Harvard and Yale.

You man to say that you shouldn’t pay $150K for two MAs from a state school? Why do you hate young people?

I get it.

Please, please, please don’t talk about the development of a US Caste system. It, like Antifa, is a myth.

Realization – 8/8/2002

I’ve realized something…..that I’m generally unable to relax in the presence of other people. Gotta figure out a way to work through this one…..

This is still very true. I’ve tried so many things, but I’m still anxious around others.

My wife is the only person I’ve ever met with whom I feel comfortable. I don’t have to act.

*shakes head*

Listening to this might be affecting my thinking right now….


Listening to podcasts, and finding myself questioning a lot of things.

I spent time when I was younger dubbing Sharyl Attkisson‘s reports for the corporate media site where she worked. I thought she was a good reporter who was really doing interesting news.

Some of what she’s been accused of is confusing. If I took the right pill, and hadn’t followed what she’s done….

I started this entry by starting to head to my old-is-new news site to look for headlines, then I remembered seeing and retweeting this on Twitter.

To be perfectly clear — I generally think that prison sentences are too long, and parole should be happening more quickly than it does.

At the same time, this guy got out, then went and killed the woman who’d accused him.

But the priority is on defunding the police, and sending people into poor and minority neighborhoods to take people’s guns.

Also, protests don’t cause COVID-19 outbreaks. That’s the story, and don’t attribute anything to the protests.

Similarly, don’t ever reconsider stories that don’t fit the corporate media narrative about the whole story. Please ignore the stories that show the leaked bodycam video, or show that he was on Fentanyl.

But there’s an official story that was locked-in shortly after all this happened, and that’s forever true. Chuck Todd and MSNBC said so, and it’s dangerous that people don’t take the initial take, and use it as gospel forever.

Please don’t look at Nick Sandmann/Covington Catholic. The settlements might have been for little money, so it makes what the big outlets reported okay, okay?

Facts roll in as time progresses. Sometimes you don’t find out for a long time what was actually going on.

Altered State – 8/7/2000

It might be interesting to take something that would make me feel differently than I do now. Or as of late.

But, now, I’ll try and recreate the entry I did last night, but wouldn’t save because they didn’t do maintainance on the POS micro$oft database.

Okay, so, the dreams I had the other night. There were several, but the most memorable was one involving sex. Now, I don’t dream about sex very often at all. But in this dream, I was trying to get it on with someone whom I’d known in high school (Yah, I don’t know where that came from, but I’m not complaining). We were in the midst of our preparation for the real act, but members of my family kept walking into the room. She and I were quite chagrined by this, so we retreated to my flat, which was interestingly enough, upstairs in the dream.

The dream also was another interesting mix of places I’ve lived. I’m sure it was set downtown where I live now, but buildings from other places were in the neighborhood. Lots and lots of red brick. Also, there was a stark contrast in the environments indoors and outdoors. Indoors, it was hot (her skin was very salty….I can’t seem to remember ever tasting anything before in my dreams, but if it continues, great). Outside, it was cold and rainy. So figure that one out, because I’m beyond stumped. But I think the dream, on the whole, is about my desire for privacy….that my flat is my little slice of privacy where my desires are uninterrupted? Maybe?

Redacted is back in town….we’re supposed to hang out with her on Tuesday night. Yay. Been thinking about the ex lately, for what reason I don’t know. I’m so tempted to call her. But I found one of her necklaces in my room at my parents’ house. I’m wondering how I should get it back to her. I’m thinking of writing her a letter. Any suggestions?

Two things on this.

  1. Part of the reason I sought professional help was that I was having very vivid, sometimes disturbing, dreams. I think some of it might have been attributable to a medication I was taking that cause me to sleep deeply. Some of the more vivid dreams have stopped, but I still have some doozies, and have for a long time. See the entry.
  2. I have no clue who the name I redacted was. I think I know, but I’m not sure. *shrug*

Maybe I’d be better off not paying attention to pretty much anything, ever.

I can’t do that.


More than a little distracted on this session tonight. I ended up working longer than I normally do, then spent a significant amount of time on the phone with a friend.

So news. Big surprise — Mike Pence thinks Justice Roberts hasn’t been good.

Why? Because he’s not a down-the-line Republican vote on the Court like most of the Democrats have been…because he’s not Alito?

Yeah. I don’t agree with that.

For what it’s worth, even some of the Democrats don’t necessarily vote as a block. Breyer is about the most-partisan. Kagan and Sotomayor have both had things that are a bit off the reservation. Her highness, The Notorious RBG, is completely out-to-lunch on some things, but there’s times when she actually does write things that make sense.

What Roberts did with the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, however, is something that to most straight-line Republicans is unforgivable.

I disagree.

If you read the decision, he absolutely eviscerates the left’s longtime argument that Congress can do basically whatever it wants in the name of regulating (Interstate) commerece.

No. Congress has the power to tax, and not much more than that.

I agreed with Justice Kennedy’s take that the penalty was a prohibited capitation, but that’s not what the majority decision said.


This latest bit was regarding what Roberts did with regards to Louisiana’s restrictions on abortion.

I am opposed to abortion. I am also opposed to capital punishment. (It’s almost as if I’m a part of the Papist conspiracy or something…..)

I recognize that amending the Constitution is really the only way to get rid of either.

Consequently, I can’t get too wound up when rulings come down against whatever menial meddling has taken place to end either one.

Amend the Constitution. That’s what the amendment process is for. If you can get 2/3rds of both houses, and 3/4ths of the states to agree, it’s done.

Then you’re not despairing about what happens in a plurality of another branch of government.

(Bubuhbut we should have fiat rule of the plurality! National popular vote now! End the filibuster in the Senate! Yeah, I know I suck at arguing for things I don’ subscribe to…)

Flashback to a long, long time ago. If it was a person, it’d be able to buy beer and cigarettes now.

(But would have been able to be drafted years ago, or go to prison for life long before that…..)

Self Abuse – 8/6/1999

No, I’m not talking about carving N’Sync logos into my arm with a razor blade……

But this is an issue I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Some of these coping methods which seem so normal, can be termed as self abuse.

Let’s list some of them:

not eating
sleeping all the time
not sleeping at all
getting drunk off your ass

but there are so many…..I tend not to sleep, and live off coffee.

These normally are described as coping methods.

It has been said that happier people live longer…..maybe it’s partially due to the lower frequency of self abuse due to sadness.

Well, I’m off to refill my coffee cup…..later.

None of those was an appropriate reaction, but I didn’t know of any other way back then. I was sort of healthy, so it wasn’t as big an issue.

I should ask my PsyD next week about how I drop off on those sorts of things when I’m down. And, there, I almost beat myself up by saying that I can’t even manage to do that sort of thing correctly.


Going to free-write today, but I did dig up something from the archive.

What i picked up on with the explosion in Beirut yesterday was definitely the big story.

Ended up having a bit of a conversation on Twitter about it; you can click and read….

Other stuff?

Well, typical things with work. I hate that I make mistakes sometimes. I did catch it, however, and figured out how to deal with it.

What I’m dealing with, however, is actually newish stuff to my coworkers. It used to be a case of check-things-once-and-forget-it-for-years. A bit of the Ronco method; “set it, and forget it!” No, tech doesn’t work that way. You have to be constantly vigilant about things.

Unfortunately, I’m not seeing that I wrote about it in my Shmoocon section.

One of the presentations this year or last was about how hardware with flashable firmware actually get less secure the more that you patch them. Why? Feature creep in newer revisions, and attempts to work around the applied patches.

It’s counterintuitive, sure.

But that realization has really influenced my thinking about having old shit out on the network. You apply a laundry list of things to a system to address bugs, but you end up introducing new bugs as part of the fix, and leave undiscovered, unpatched things festering.

In other words, that creaky old server you’ve had for fifteen years is probably susceptible as hell to being haxxed, and patching it actually might make it more likely to be hacked.

There’s a ton of things you can do, however, to mitigate vulnerabilities that don’t involve applying AcmeCo’s latest patch.

Even so, maybe it’s a better idea to not leave ancient shit on your network for years. Document what it does. Have the data in a transferrable format, build something new, and restore data to the new secure system.

Bubuhbut we’ll have to retrain the users!!1!

Cry me a river.

Today’s flashback is probably on-point. I don’t know what in particular set me off writing this, but I would imagine it was something similar.

We do things this way. This is the only way that we do things, so you should just work with that.

Less than two years later, not adhering to that attitude, combined with my health issues would find me in a job for which I was incredibly overqualified.

The situation sucked. But at least the guy responsible is in Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass prison for a while longer.

8/5/2011 – 8/5/2011

Tffftbt. I don’t like having to drag people kicking and screming into the new realities of their business. It’s frustrating. What’s more frustrating is that many of the people on my level are intentionally ignoring the new realities. They’ve been working one way for so long; that must mean that one way is the best and only way.


Maybe I can recharge this weekend. Next week is going to be hell, though I do get to go to lala land Wednesday. Unfortunately, it requires an hour inside an electromagnet.

I delayed my medication refill until after my tests. Notsomuch because I want to switch meds, but I don’t want three months’ supply around if the doctor decides to switch me to something different.

So little to do, so much time.


I didn’t have anything really drafted for today. I’m not sure how I missed it, but I’m going to publish something I’d not finished/published.

Just Walk Away

And I am. I’d started in on a response to a video I saw on the cesspool that is Facebook:

I’m a Libertarian. I understand that virtually none of my family is going to agree with me, regardless of whether they’re watching FNC or MSNBC. But either direction is ultimately unimportant. You touched on some of this, but missed the bigger point. Regardless of whether it’s Team Red or Team Blue, these legacy media outlets’ markets are shrinking every day; time does that to everything. It’s not dangerous that I don’t trust Chuck Todd. It’s not a problem that I don’t parrot everything Hannity says this week. Watching some other legacy corporate media outlet isn’t going to fix that. Though I’m one of the youngest Gen Xers (and, yes, my Millennial wife jabs me with the “Boomer” label), I understand that the big corporate media isn’t serving me. They’re serving that retired, graying, ever-shrinking demographic they worked so many years to build. Watching

I didn’t finish my thoughts, and I’m not going to. I don’t want to waste my time preparing a thought just for it to be shit on for some ginger college drop-out’s benefit.

Maybe that makes me a bad person; I don’t care.

I don’t remember when I wrote that. I don’t know who the “ginger college drop-out” was/is.

Thinking about it more, however, I think that that was actually from one of the times somebody on Capitol Hill was dragging Mark Z. over the coals for something, and he was basically begging for regulation that’d prevent anyone from competing with him/Facebook.

My professional help would tell me to just turn it all off.

I can’t.

News (and, now, the extensions that are social media) has been part of my life as long as I can remember.

Today’s big story is something about a massive explosion in Beirut. I got an alert from one of the cable news apps on my phone, and took a look. My response? “Holy shit!” My wife asked what was going on, so I showed her the video. “Holy shit!”

What else did i want to talk about?

Oh, yeah, Adam Corolla does a bit, Germany or Florida? (And searching for that on one of the didn’t-used-to-do-evil-search-company’s competitors yields a Udict thing tracing it to “Love Lines.”)

But, living here on the edge of “The Swamp,” my mind goes to stories of stupid local ordinances/laws, “Florida” or “MoCo?” (Montgomery County, Maryland)

They’ve not disappointed, and made the national news the past couple of days. In the fall, the public schools are reopening, but they closed the private schools.

At the same time, that sounds incredibly appropriate. Authoritarianism is neat!

But the reason the President is upset about this is because his kid goes to a private school in MoCo.


I do envy that Dave Rubin is able to step away a month at a time. But I don’t know how I’d even consider doing it.

Maybe I’ll try a week in the fall.