Eighteen (8/8)

Work happened, and I think management is happy with this weekend’s slogs.

I’ve been going through the old posts to think back on that awful summer three years ago.  Maybe I shouldn’t harp on it, but I got a really shitty deal there.


Is there an aspect of your personality you wish you could chnage?

That’s a tough question. The only thing I can think of is that maybe I’m too trusting of ordinary people sometimes.

I don’t think my boss is out to get me.
I don’t think the government is out to get me.
I don’t think evil corporations are out to get me.

I’ve never attributed to malice what could more easily be explained by ignorance or stupidity.

“They’re not bad; they’re just stuid.”

Maybe that makes me a fool.

But, whatever. I could spend lots of spoons thinking about how I’ve been fucked over. But I don’t have enough to waste.



I think, maybe, this is still true.  At the same time, I’m comfortable with how I approach others, even if it means people sometimes take advantage.

All that said, I will break contact.  If you’ve done something that’s hurt me, I can basically write you out of my life.  I only have so many cycles.

What I’m not going to do is go out of my way to make things awful for you.

The news of the past couple of days is that Apple, Stitcher, et. al., have pulled Alex Jones off their platforms.

On my initial response, I was okay with this.  But after thinking more about it it, does that really serve any purpose, and what implication does it have for other things that aren’t your cup of tea.

Nope.  Keep it running.  Trumpet it.  If people don’t like it, they’ll be the editors.

Seventeen (8/5)

After writing yesterday’s bit, I realized that I hadn’t been reviewing my first summer of writing, in 2015.

My thoughts went there as I was thinking about why I”m doing this, and why I’m not getting the same sort of satisfaction from it as I did back then.

I’ve spent this weekend working.  Something north of ten hours yesterday, and about half that today.  Thanks to that, I may be finished roughly midday Thursday, which is more than okay, considering I have an infusion Thursday afternoon.  (And that is interesting, normally by this point, I’m absolutely exhausted.  I mean, I am, but I do feel a lot better than I would have the last few years….)

So, taking it back to 2015,

 

Write about your relationship status. How long has it been? Is it still good? If so, why?

I’ve been together with my wife for over nine years now.

We just work. And it really never feels like work. She’s the only person I’ve ever been with, where the experience is essentially effortless.

It’s a big freaky that I’ve been wiht her almost a third of her life, now, but…

At the same time, part of me asks, “why analyze this?” We love each other, are each other’s best friends, etc.. What’s to explain?

I do miss her every day I’m away for this shitty job, though.

That’s been as, if not more difficult than my medical maladies.

I feel better when I sleep in my own bed, next to her.

There’s really not a lot more to say about it than that.

Three years after writing that, I sleep next to her every night, and that’s a good thing.

Yes, we’re somewhere else.  Yes, we’re not on our own.

But we will be soon enough.

Last night, since we’ve got run of where we’re staying, after I finished working, we ended up just sitting and talking.

How many people can say that they can do that, really?  We do fit with each other, so it goes.  And I hope it does until I die.  I don’t want anybody else, and I can’t imagine being as comfortable with someone else.

Sixteen (8/4)

Taking a break from workie time.
This isn’t, actually, dull.  There is real team work.  Hopefully, I’m not fucking up too much.
My bit yesterday about thinking that this was the place I was supposed to be was doubly-reinforced late last night.
I received not one, but two, automatic rejection notices after these esteemed recruiters had reached out to me.
I emailed back both recruiters, saying, essentially, “yo, WTF?”
One got back to me saying that the manager had chosen not to interview me.  This was after she, and her manager, had both spoken to me to set up an interview time.
My half-asleep response:
I am angry that you would be discussing times for a phone interview with me when you hadn’t gotten me to that point.
That is unacceptable, and reflects very poorly on you, personally.  It also adds to your company’s public disrepute.
I suppose it was more polite than my initial mental response of, “hey now, go fuck yourself.”  When I mentioned her company’s disrepute, this company has a nearly-universal negative reputation.
Back in Tidewater, this company is known for pretty much ever hiring anybody full-time.  Endless contract-to-hire bits, minus the “hire” §.
Regardless, back-of-the-envelope math shows that I can probably be completely free sometime near the new year, and I won’t have to keep with this, to quote the late Wesley Willis, “demon hell ride.”
I do have something more substantial I wanted to write about tomorrow.  Clue: It enabled him to make pronouncements like, “people will die.”  https://ijr.com/2018/07/1108794-10-intense-reactions-kavanaugh-pick/

Fifteen (8/3)

End of the first half of writing.  Good thing, but, eventually, I’ll get everything setup the way.

I don’t know.  I feel a lot better this year than I did the previous two.

I’m maneuvering in to probably where I belong.  I really wish it paid more money, but whatever.

Meanwhile, I have recruiters nibbling constantly.  At the same time, part of me wants to stay where I am.  I do like the people I’m working with, and the work I’m doing.

It’s different;  I haven’t had that in I don’t know how many years.

The material desires that would have consumed me in the past are just gone.

Maybe that’s strange.  Maybe.

But what can I say?  Perhaps I should reanalyze things on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

So much of what I’d been trying to do the past few years was really just about keeping things afloat.

I’ve succeeded, though.   I’m still alive.  I still love my wife, and I think that feeling is mutual (most days).  There’s light at the end of the financial tunnel I dug for myself.

I’m still alive.  My wife still loves me.  I can sorta look at myself in the mirror.

This weekend, I will work.  I am 100% okay with this.  In my previous roles, that would have driven me completely insane.

Part of my impetus to write previously, though, might have been my dissatisfaction.  It was something to do to divert my attention from the bad shit that was going on.

I don’t have that anymore.

I do plan to stick with this for the month, but I might not do it next year.

NoJoMo in November will require additional prompts.  We shall see.

Fourteen (8/2)

Apologies for the curtness in yesterday’s bit.  As I said, my mom was here for a very short visit before she left with my brother and his wife for a trip.

Listening today to people still defending the positives of the Healthcare.gov plans.

You have sleep apnea, and that’d make your premiums expensive?  Great.  Try having MS, where you got treatments thirteen times a year that hospitals regularly bill almost $30,000 for.

And, then, because you moved, you are three weeks late on a dose.

Good shit.

Taking it back to 2002 for this bit of recycling.


What to do when you’re bored – 8/9/2002

Me? Oh, I drove six hours one-way to watch a 45 minute football practice, then drove home. 😀

Went up to Carlisle to see Redskins training camp. It was really fucking surreal to be back in Carlisle. I guess seven years is a long time, but….

It might be that already, everything from that year is sort of a blur. You go someplace for just one year, and things don’t seem to fit together after awhile.

Biggest thing I’ll remember about Carlisle is my waist size. Ain’t gettin’ into those pants anytime soon….

My hip seriously hurts after the trip.

What do I remember the most? Meeting Danny Wuerffel and Shane Matthews. Seeing the punters try to land punts right between the “1,” and the “0” on the ten-yard line.

A lot of it was really running through the speed of the vaunted “Fun ‘n Gun” offense. I didn’t see the morning practice where they taped their #1 pick, Patrick Ramsey, to the goal post.

Maybe that had the potential to be a good team. Marvin Lewis, now of Bengals’ fame, was the Assistant Head Coach. While Spurrier had made his name in college, he’d played (niners, Bucs), and coached (Tampa Bay Bandits) in the pros previously. Watching the offense, I was able to pick out the difference between the passing progressions and anything I’d done before.

The Hall of Fame game is tonight.  There is one unfilled slot in the Fantasy league (in the unlikely event anyone is reading).

Could be strange having four league members under a single roof near the Redskins’ practice facility.

Thirteen (8/1)

I was planning to recycle again, but noticed that some of the questions

I apologize that I really don’t have a ton to say right now.

Very long day is very long, and my mom is here only for this evening, so I should go socialize.

So tired.

Twelve (7/31)

More busy than ever today.  Is this job kicking my ass?  Maybe.

That said, I’ve been able to listen to lots of podcasts while I’m working.

I do look in on social media from time to time.  Today’s gem, courtesy Virginia’s senior Senator….

Really bad ideas

Someone ought to beat Lurch with the cluestick;  none of this shit is within the realm of possibility, technically.

You can’t do this, but far be it from a fucking politician to understand that.  Motherfucker didn’t support Net Neutrality until it became a political issue his party was behind, and technology didn’t cause a big negative effect on his financial holdings.

There’s a lot more angry things I could spew out, but I’ll refrain.  There’s no reason;  nobody is reading this.

But I will go to onion routing if I need to.  And if you want to lock me in a cage because of it, go ahead.

 

Eleven (7/30)

Yes. Day nine again. *sigh* This is what happens when you can’t type…..

So, my morning routine depends upon whether or not I’m in the office. If I’m in the office, this stuff happens about an hour earlier.

Wake up
Pee
Take pills, watch news
Shower/shave
Take injection
Ice injection site
Dress
Leave for work
Get to work
Work for about an hour on various stuff — mainly responding to E-Mail, etc.
Coffee

After that, really depends upon what’s going on. There’s a concept called “core hours,” where meetings are supposed to be conducted, etc. It’s from 0900-1500. Regardless of where I am, I need to be fully engaged during that time. The hours before and after that are really for me to do administrative stuff.

*yawn*

Is it time for coffee, yet?


In my current job, I work fully remotely.

I generally wake up sometime before 0600, as my wife is running off to her job.

Ideally, I’ll take my panoply of pills, drink two cups of coffee, and eat some breakfast.

Then shower, and drag myself to where I work.

I’m trying to miss the parts about taking injections.

Nope.  Not working.

I’m adept at working remotely.  I’m going to have to go in to an office some time soon to pick up a security jibble I’ll need to do some work.

And after I wrote that, I just ended up working  until 1820 EDT.

Sofa King Done.

Ten (7/29)

Today I swam.  Or tried to.

Since I was diagnosed, I think the most water I’d ever been in was a full bathtub, and, even then, it was only a couple of times.

There is a pool where we are now.  My wife was amped to actually swim.  So we did.  Well, she did a lot.  I tried, and it um…didn’t go swimmingly.

*groan*

About the only thing I can kinda still do is the breaststroke.  Making my legs work to propel anything else is either comedic, or sad, depending on your perspective.

(And if you believe the communications school morans, both are true.  There can’t be an objective reality of it.  It only matters to the viewer.  Also, if a tree falls in the woods, it can, in fact fail to make a sound….)

Recycling from waaay back…


July 16, 2001

1. Smoke? Like a freakin’ chimney
2. Do drugs? legal ones, yes. stay away from the stuff that’ll get me thrown in jail.
3. Have sex? not by any definition.
4. Sleep with stuffed animals? Inflatible doll
5. Have a crush? Not telling. 😉
6. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? See question three.
7. Have a dream that keeps coming back? Nope. But I do have some quite odd dreams.
8. Play an instrument? not anymore.
9. Believe there is life on other planets? I’d like to think so.
10. Remember your first love? Yes.
11. Still love them? HER. I’ll just say that I think of her fondly.
12. Read the newspaper? more than I should
13. Have any gay or lesbian friends? nobody really close…several acquaintances.
14. Believe in miracles? no.
15. Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever? Yes, of course. It’s a matter of self-control.
16. Consider yourself tolerant of others? Hah! I’m more tolerant than I should be, though.
17. Consider police friend or foe? Depends upon the situation.
18. Like the taste of alcohol? PURE alcohol? Yep. Mmmmm…scotch.
19. Have a favorite Stooge? Curly
20. Believe in Astrology? Ehh. No. It’s a curiousity, though
21. In magic? Nope.
22. In God? I don’t think I ever have.
23. Pray? Not in a long time.
24. Go to church? Only for weddings and funerals.
25. Have any secrets? 😉 StillStarry asked me one night if I’d answer everything she asked me. The answer is still “no.” 🙂
26. Have any pets? Dogs.
27. Do well in school? When I’m not getting myself in trouble, yes.
28. Go to or plan to go to college? I’m there.
29. Have a degree? Not yet.
30. Talk to strangers who instant message you? If they’re not at all interested in cyber.
31. Wear hats? I wear caps. There *is* a difference.
32. Have any piercings? I have enough holes in my body, thank you very much. I do like P.J. O’Rourke’s idea of getting a hoop through the left ass cheek.
33. Have any tatoos? I fear needles.
34. Hate yourself? Not at the moment.
35. Have a horny spot? only a few people know about it.
36. Get horny easy? Umm….
37. Have a best friend? Yep.
38. Wish on stars? Sometimes. It’s silly.
39. Like your handwriting? My handwriting is hideous.
40. Have any bad habits? See the questions about alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. Add to those nailbiting.
41. Care about looks? More than I should.
42. Believe in witches? See the entries on my ex-girlfriend.
43. Believe in Satan? I’m more certain there’s no satan or hell than I’m certain there’s no god.
44. Ghosts? I find them intriguing, but I’ve never seen one.
45. Santa Claus? Nope.
46. The Easter Bunny? Nope.
47. The Tooth Fairy? He was inconsistent. And, really, who wants teeth?
48. Have a second family? Eek, no. One is enough.
49. Trust others easily? Nope.
50. Like sarcasm? It depends. I don’t like that I’m so sarcastic sometimes. But then….
51. Feel understood most of the time? Hah!
52. Like sappy love songs? Some are strangely appealing.
53. This question, for some crazy reason, wasn’t available. So I’ll fill it in….Kirk or Picard? Kirk.
54. Untie your shoes everytime you take them off? Depends upon which pair.
55. Wear overalls? I gave up redman at the same time.
56. Think you are strong? Emotionally? Physically? Yes, no.
57. Like skittles? Uhh…
58. Like to shop? No.
59. Look like anyone famous? Not anyone famous, really. I get really off-the-wall ones. Someone once told me I look like Neil Young. How sick.
60. Think Brad Pitt looks good? I’m having trouble restraining myself. Mmmmm….Brad Armpit
61. Have your own phone line? Cellphone
62. Enjoy filling out this kinda stuff? It keeps me from doing actual work. I’ve already worked too much this week.
63. Have a pool? Nope.
64. Have a spa? does it count when you stick the shower massage down into the bathtub while taking a bath?
65. Like jewelry? I wear a ring and a watch. I think that says everything.
66. Have a web site? Yes.
67. Like playstation? Nope.
68. Nintendo 64? Never played around with one…
69. Sleep a lot? I wish.
70. Get along with your parents? Disgustingly well.
71. Have AOL? Yes. But it’s not my primary ISP. it has its uses
72. Wear a watch? See question 65.
73. Have braces, or have you ever? Of my extensive dental work, braces haven’t been a part…
74. Have any scars? What from? Too many to list.
75. Write poetry? “There’s a place for those who love their poetry…”
76. If so, what is your favorite poem you have written? I’d say “Ode to my Choad.” But I didn’t write that one.
77. Make fun of people? Is a pig’s ass pork?


1. Smoke?  It’s been nearly as long as I abstained from swimming.
2. Do drugs?  Minus the cocktail I take every day to sort keep me functioning, no.
3. Have sex?  *nod*
4. Sleep with stuffed animals?  Not unless they’re already in the bed with me.
5. Have a crush?  I married her several years ago.
6. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?  She and I go back and forth on this.  To me, she is my final girlfriend forever.  Yes, she was my fiancée, and now is my wife, but she’s still my girlfriend.  I can’t imagine ever having another.
7. Have a dream that keeps coming back?  I’ve never really had a ton of strange dreams, and certainly none that really recurred.
8. Play an instrument?  Not anymore.  I wonder if I even could, honestly.
9. Believe there is life on other planets?  I think it’s possible.
10. Remember your first love?  You know, this one is tougher the longer I’ve been with my wife.  I do remember some with whom I’ve had relationships.  A couple of those I was more than a little bummed out about when they ended.  That said, I’ve never felt the way I feel about my wife about anyone else.  So, maybe, I never really loved anybody else?  Possible.
11. Still love them?  Yes.
12. Read the newspaper?  Those still exist?  O.o  No, I don’t read much of anything that’s not on the Intertubes anymore.  A big part of that is how bad my eyesight is;  reading is work.
13. Have any gay or lesbian friends?  Sure?  I don’t know, though.  As I’ve aged, I’ve really stopped caring what others do;  it doesn’t affect me.
14. Believe in miracles?  Well, there is a Lombardi Trophy in New Orleans…  Glibness aside, yes, there are occasionally things that happen that are beyond easy explanation.  Does that make them miracles?  Probably not.  Did that actually just happen?  Uh, yeah.  The Cubs won a World Series.  The Eagles won the Super Bowl.  Donald Trump was elected President.  Unexpected things actually sometimes do happen.
15. Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever?  Yes.
16. Consider yourself tolerant of others?  More than ever, if their behaviors don’t affect me, directly.  This is even more true when there’s things I have to pay for courtesy government force.
17. Consider police friend or foe?  I don’t know.  I don’t like the binary choice, really.  Most are there to help.  Some are on power trips.  Some are completely worthless.  Others, still, are too stupid to really consider.  Four alternatives;  I’ sure there’s more.    I thin this sheds light on how fucking simple politics are, now.  It’s not a this or that choice.  In the state where I live, majorities voted against both of the two major parties’ candidates.
18. Like the taste of alcohol?  Alcohol is actually tasteless.  See:  perfect vodka that has “no taste.”  Or it’s gin that they were too lazy to finish.  Take your pick.  There’s alcoholic beverages I like, others I don’t.  Just keeping to the past few weeks, though, I’ve drank beer, dry vermouth, bourbon, and gin.
19. Have a favorite Stooge?  Most important was brother Moe/He was the one who made it so/He got a Joe and another Joe/He would not quit;  he would not quit
20. Believe in Astrology?  No, not really.  Purportedly, under either the old or new calendars, I’m a Leo.  Excuse me?
21. In magic?  No.
22. In God?  I was a pretty committed Atheist when I took this last.  Since my late twenties, I’ve come around to accept faith.  The people who are telling me the things they believe might be completely wrong.  But they also might not be, and adhering to their constraints probably isn’t a bad thing for a variety of reasons.  I might get to Heaven;  it might take a while because of things I’ve done while I’ve been alive.  All that said, I’m still very skeptical about Hell, which makes me very out of place among many fundamentalist Christians.
23. Pray?  That’s for me and God to know.
24. Go to church?  Still very infrequently.
25. Have any secrets?   I can neither conform or deny.
26. Have any pets?  Nope.
27. Do well in school?  I graduated the year after I answered this the first time.  I’ve not been back.
28. Go to or plan to go to college?  Did.
29. Have a degree?  Yes.  It was, and always will be, BS.
30. Talk to strangers who instant message you?  AIM’s dead, bro.
31. Wear hats? Not often.
32. Have any piercings?  No.
33. Have any tatoos?  No.
34. Hate yourself?  No.
35. Have a horny spot?  Not telling.
36. Get horny easy?   Not as easy as I did when I was young.
37. Have a best friend?  Yes.
38. Wish on stars?  No.
39. Like your handwriting?  No, and it’s gotten far worse as my condition has progressed.
40. Have any bad habits?  Sure, but I’m pretty sure I’m in the second half of my life;  why break them, really?
41. Care about looks?  Never really have.
42. Believe in witches?  There are some out there, sure.,
43. Believe in Satan?  No.
44. Ghosts?  Very skeptical.
45. Santa Claus?  Very skeptical.
46. The Easter Bunny? Very skeptical.
47. The Tooth Fairy?  No.
48. Have a second family?  Again, I don’t know that this is really a binary choice.
49. Trust others easily  In my condition, I kinda have to.
50. Like sarcasm?  Tastefully done, yes.
51. Feel understood most of the time?  No, not at all.
52. Like sappy love songs?  Yes.
53. Kirk or Picard?  Again with the binary choices.  Between the two, Kirk, but I think I’d most like to serve for Sisko.
54. Untie your shoes everytime you take them off?  Most of my shoes don’t have laces these days.  I have neither the dexterity or patience for it.  I remember losing one getting on a train at Union Station in DC one time;  it’d come untied, and I didn’t notice.  So snugly-fitting slip-on stuff mostly.  On the rare occasion I do wear something with laces, yes, I’ll untie them before I take them off.
55. Wear overalls?  No.
56. Think you are strong?  No.
57. Like skittles?  Sure?
58. Like to shop?  No.
59. Look like anyone famous?  No.
60. Think Brad Pitt looks good?  I don’t know?
61. Have your own phone line?  This is really a question from years gone by.  I’ve not had a real PSTN line since probably 2009.  I have the two VoIP DIDs I bought around 2008.  I have a cell phone.  I have a VoIP DID from work.  So four numbers that are attached to me, and none that uses the legacy switched network.
62. Enjoy filling out this kinda stuff?  I’m getting pretty bored, honestly.
63. Have a pool?  There is one where I live that I can use, so, yes?
64. Have a spa?  No.
65. Like jewelry?  The only “jewelry” I’m wearing is my wedding ring.  That’s normally the case.  I’m also wearing a FitBit if you wanna count that.
66. Have a web site?  Several.
67. Like playstation?  I don’t see very well, and have very little money.  I don’t have one.  I had a PS2 that I let go to my wife’s cousins after theirs ruit working.  I think I may have had a grand total of two games for it.  But a drunken night with one, GTA2, and, well, I was excited to part ways with that money.
68. Nintendo 64?  No, but if I did, I’d probably see what it’d take to get NetBSD running on it.
69. Sleep a lot?  Length, no, frequency, yes.70. Get along with your parents?
71. Have AOL?  I’ve continued paying them for the basic stuff so my mother can keep her email address.  I think I still occasionally get alumni email, too.  But it’s, what, five bucks a month to do that?
72. Wear a watch?  FitBit.
73. Have braces, or have you ever?  Nope.  But there is so much that’s been done to my teeth, it’s not even really worth discussing.
74. Have any scars?  Several.  One is noticeable pretty much all the time at the edge of my right eye.  I have another on my right elbow.
75. Write poetry?  Nope.
76. If so, what is your favorite poem you have written?  This one doesn’t even account for the preceding binary question.  I answered, “no,” so this question is completely irrelevant to me.
77. Make fun of people?  Not often.  Well, Failcons’ fans, but that’s kinda tough to pass up when they blew a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl.

Nine (7/28)

I’d planned on recycling, but what I’d fetched really isn’t suiting my fancy this morning.  *snip*  *off to a later date*

This morning’s fun involves trying to get things better configured in my work area.

I need a WiFi antenna, to figure out getting this RPi to bridge wireless-to-wired.

I guess I also need to do sekurity for my sites since the totes-not-evil group decided that it’s not going to display HTTP pages anymore.

Guess that just about wraps it up for most caching methods.  But, like, any sort of traffic management violates Net Neutrality, bro.  Speaking of that, I was listening to The Fifth Column last night, where Michael Moynihan was talking about a Vice News interview he did with an Intertubes company that was cutting off access to a group of bigots.  (Maybe they were Nazis?)  The company rep being interviewed was absolutely okay with that sort of speech restriction.

But it’d violate Net Neutrality.

And heads asplode on Reddit.

Or they should, if they actually gave a fuck.  But they don’t.  So vote for Mark “Nextel” Warner, who’s all for Net Neutrality now that the smoldering remains of his telco empire is getting sold to the Germans.  Keep.  Virginia.  Blue

But, you know what, I’m okay with providers blocking content, and shaping traffic.

I don’t care that AT&T gives me a better deal with DirecTV Now than I’d get from using other services.  (And maybe I will subscribe again, since I’m a bit miffed that Hulu doesn’t let me record S.E. Cupp Unfiltered, or move to later segments in Kennedy )

But back to the Internet providers, I don’t care that they cache content.  I don’t care that they keep me from seeing Nazi content, or wholesome kiddie porn.,

I’m okay with that.

Also, there’s myriad technical workarounds you can take to circumvent restrictions imposed by providers.

In the past, I’ve done things such as routing mail through a work Qmail server to get around a home ISP’s port 25 restrictions.

You can’t stop things, no matter how passionately you believe that government can solve every problem.