Day Five

Double duty again today, because I would like to say a little about each.

1. Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Both? Do you wish you could have more of the other characteristic?

I’m terribly introverted. Have been since about puberty. Some of it is related to how physically unattractive I view myself as (fat kid syndrome). Some of it has to do with a low overall opinion of many others.

At the same time, very few people understand what makes me tick. Fewer, still, agree with me. Whether that makes me disagreeable is up to you. If you don’t wish to keep my company, whatever. The reverse is also true.

I don’t feel obligations to some people that I probably should. Especially those who don’t even attempt to understand what it is I’m going through. No, I can’t stand in one place for five minutes without wobbling. Yes, I used to be able to march in a straight line; I can’t anymore.

There’s nothing that’s going to fix me. There’s not even really anything that’ll make life halfway normal. How the hell can you explain to someone who’s never experienced it what it’s like to have to remember to breathe? How do you explain to someone that there’s no glasses that’ll make your eyes work better?

This is just not stuff most people can comprehend. But it’s reality for me.

2. If your younger self could time travel and meet the you of today, what would they think of you? What would you tell your younger self?

See the answer to question number one, but….

You’re a jerk. A complete assholekneebiter. Use that to get them to figure out what the hell is wrong with you when you’re 22 instead of 30.

Maybe you’re being self-destructive right now; don’t worry so much about it. Have a little fun, asshole. You’re too old for your age. Enjoy being what you are; you’ve only got one chance at it.