A bit late getting to the writing this evening.

It’s been a hell of a 24-hour period.

Seeing as how I put in something like twelve hours yesterday, and ten today, with nothing but an inconsequential meeting scheduled, I decided to go ahead and take tomorrow off.

I’m also taking the Friday before MLK Day to go to Shmoocon.

There’s a chance, there, to enjoy some of the work I’ve put in to improve my health over the past two years.

Two years ago, I ended up doing Friday night back home, and watching things over the computer. Because of something that was going on, that worked okay, actually, but there is something that would be nice about being there in person.

I do wonder if my note-taking, and subsequent writing will be less-effective, however.

Given what drinks are going for in DC, I don’t think I’ll be getting as blitzed as I would have when I was younger.

At the same time, they do have liquor deliveries to the hotel so I can avoid the fees. Hmmmmmm.

I also wonder if Internets access over the 5G network is good enough that I could almost listen, then write from my own warm roomette on a train to somewhere.

Actually, the writing on the train had been an idea I had pre-pandemic. A few years ago, Amtrak had this residency program.

Sounds like a fun thing to do.

Yes, there’s something about being in a toasty warm compartment, but you also have to worry about the tracks being blocked with ice, and having to go out into the cold.

Do you think it is safe to blindly follow something that is the conventional way of thinking?

This kind of gets back to something I’ve touched on quite a bit lately. You have to re-examine everything from time to time. You can’t just stick with some bit of truth forever.

The wording of this as “blindly follow,” is very appropriate, especially when it comes to politics that have replaced religion. for so many people.

A quick Duck Duck Go search yielded something from Lew Rockwell, an righteous outrage piece from the New York Times, and this from The Atlantic.

But I do think you have to continue questioning things, even if they’re promoted by a group with whom you identify, for consistency.

Do I believe that there was a man named Jesus in the Middle East? It doesn’t seem outside the realm of possibility.

Should I even consider that?

Why should I not?

Some of the particulars are probably incorrect, but the general idea of the story is correct.


I could probably mull over this for hours, but dinner is ready.

Somehow I had an unused prompt for yesterday, which means I’m closer to being full on prompts.

But I’m still looking forward to Thanksgiving, honestly.


I kind of marvel at how I’m able to hold so many separate things in my brain.

Had some interesting discussions with Clint from Liberty Lockdown on Twitter.

I should probably screenshot those, and save them to the gallery here before I nuke all of my old Tweets next.

(If you STFW, you can find scripts that’ll go through and delete all your old Tweets. It’s not that I really care that someone checks back on what I wrote, but so much of it loses relevance…unless you’re just looking to find something where I misspoke under changed standards. Maybe I shouldn’t care, but, refer back to the tagline here. “Everything Gets Deleted, Eventually.” I’m sure the censorial out there really wish that could happen faster, but…)

I’m getting more and more jealous that I can’t go to the Peddling Fiction super-spreader event next month. I’ve never really wanted to go to Mexico before, but this sounds like it’s going to be doubleplus fun.

(And, if I wasn’t worried about staying employed, now, I might be tempted to try some of the other recreational activities that’ll be present there…..)

Other stuff. Well, I got my results from my medical tests earlier this month. I have to go for another check in a few months, but no cancer.

So there’s that, I guess.

Prompt: What I have accomplished in the last 10 years?

I guess the biggest thing I can say right now is that I’ve survived.

I can still look at myself in the mirror without any reservations. Yes, I’ve sometimes done things that weren’t, in retrospect, 100% the best thing, but I don’t have anything I’m ashamed of. At all.

I have a lot of resentment, but I’ve gotten past most of that, too.


Another very, very long day of work. I probably do too much when it comes to making sure that things are covered.

My initial reaction to that thought is to say that I need to learn to quit caring.

But that’s not who I am.

Part of the training I had today was a big focus on directing ethical behavior in the workplace.

There was one douchenozzleguy I dealt with when I was marooned in a really bad job that really made it a point that his behavior might be unethical, but it wasn’t immoral.

Whatever makes you feel better about yourself, fella. You know you weren’t doing the right thing. I can only hope your wife is making sure your wife isn’t raising your kids with such loose standards.

I have my doubts.

So, prompt, because I could kvetch for a long time about this sort of thing….

Do you think that social justice warriors accomplish anything productive?

I’m not sure. The SJW-types probably don’t know, either. But they’d be disgusted that you can’t reach whatever conclusion they’ve reached at that moment.

Last week, it’d have been a different conclusion, but, you know, awareness raised; what the hell is wrong with you?

One of my fantasy football teams this year is the DC Wokescolds. They really don’t know why they disapprove of a behavior, but they do disapprove, and if you don’t, you’re the problem.

Okay, then.


Kind of boring bit today. Yesterday was kind of eventful, with disagreements I won’t really broach here, but not a ton going on.

I’m kind of trying to ignore the news.

Part of what I’ve been trying to do lately is really go back and re-evaluate previous conclusions, then everything that was based on those conclusions.

I wrote a bit about this with the Veterans’ Day entry. Would I be happier if I just continued to rely upon the things that were driven into my head in school?

Maybe. If I remained ignorant of it.

I really do think it’s important to periodically re-examine everything from square zero, and see if you still reach the same conclusions based on new evidence.

There’s nothing at all wrong with changing your mind. Admitting that you were wrong is tough, but is that tougher than stacking with something you know to be untrue?

I don’t know.

Prompt: Talk about two things about you that would surprise those who know you.(T2K)

  1. I get really wound-up about things sometimes. I am adept, however, at containing my true feelings. I’m not as much of a nerd as people might think. My math skills aren’t that impressive. But I refuse to let my conclusions remain when there’s hard data that contradicts them. I feel very strongly about some things, but I’m pretty good at controlling my emotions, still, despite my medical condition. When I lose control, it’s often with physical things (sometimes embarrassingly so…)
  2. I do pay particular attention to words. “You’re being over-sensitive!” Yeah, but I’m actually paying attention to what you said. Maybe that makes me different, but it’s what I am/what I do.

And, with that, I’m halfway through. The mustache is growing in. Still not seeing any gray hair. What the hell?


This one is kind of apropos. Las weekend, my wife an I were discussing some of the folks we knew when we were dating, what’s happened to them, an so on. That guy is in North Carolina. That guy nobody actually knows where he is; serious. That other guy is in Georgia, but I haven’t seen him in IRC lately. What was his wife’s name? Geez. I don’t remember.

Today, almost a week later, I get her as a friend recommendation.

Naturally, it’s denied. Still, fuck you, you dropout ginger. Are you listening to our conversations?

I’ve deleted all but the messenger app from my phone. I don’t know what my wife has on hers.

And she wonders why I don’t have things from the Space Cowboy’s company.

They at least were listening. I’m not okay with that. So, I can leave.

On to what I was going to write about. This was from five years ago.

On being sick.

I understand why I chose this prompt for this date.  I wrote much of this on the train heading to Washington DC to visit the folks at Georgetown School of Medicine.  I wrote a bit about it recently.

The potential to get some of my life back would be worth getting my femurs drilled and Humira, or chemotherapy.

This is not a condition I’d wish on my worst enemy.  (And if you know who my worst enemy is, please let me know, because I really don’t know who’d that’d be at this point.  There is one individual I’ve dealt with professionally, recently, that I’d just assume never speak to again, but…)

So, I find myself trying to decide what would be the best way to tackle this.

The less-pleasant parts I really don’t feel like relating, but they’re all a part of the overall experience.

The most maddening part, though, is not one of the more disgusting things, honestly.  I really am nearly blind these days.  When I was younger, I’d say that I’d much rather lose my vision than my hearing.  I was working in radio, and there was the big story about the things Rush Limbaugh was going through with his opioid0induced hearing loss.

Obviously, working in radio without being able to hear would be very difficult.  But doing just about anything without decent vision is just as tough.

No, I really can’t see what you’re pointing out.

No, I can’t tell the difference between those colors.  (And this is more than being lectured on the differences among cream, Ivory, and other shades of white.)

Saturday, we took my mother to the football game between her alma mater, and my wife’s school.  Not only did her school not even who up, I couldn’t really see anything that was going on on the field.  Getting up and down to our sets with the stadium steps with no handrails was difficult enough, but…..

It was also rather chilly.  Normally the cold doesn’t bother me much anymore, unless I’m out in it for a long time.

So, not a particularly enjoyable experience.  I think my mom had a good time, though, which is what matters.  She and my wife got to experience the sorts of things I deal with being reliant upon public transportation.  You can get pretty much where you need to go, but it takes a long time.  I guess it took probably about 40 minutes to get from our place to the university;  it’s fifteen by car.

At the same time, it probably cost as much in transit fare as it’d have cost to park near the stadium.    And no need for a long-distance walk.

I can still walk some, sorta.  I’m good for about a block and a half most days.

Trying to get though this is annoying me.  I guess I’ll revert to the list from NMSS.  It might be easier to say which of those more common symptoms I don’t have.

I really don’t have emotional changes or cognitive changes.  The others listed I do have to some extent.

((And a few more paragraphs excised; you know the thing))

The less common symptoms, really, I only deal with a few.

Since I’ve been living up here near to DC, I’ve been seeing the same neurologist who met with me when I cam up five years ago. I was actually try to get set up at another research university there in the city, the one named after a President, but kept getting thrown in to eternal phone system hell, I emailed the doctor who’d seen me.
The treatment I’ve gotten at Georgetown is, without question, the best thing that’s happened to me, ever.

Yesterday, I spent the morning listing to a patient information session.

A few things I can maybe interconnect. One of the bright spots of the pandemic/stupid lockdowns has been the advance in telemedicine.

I can keep getting treated by these people who’ve done so much to help me without necessarily having to truck to DC in the future — a white pill moment, perhaps.

I was getting my Tysabri infusions at Georgetown for a couple of years, but have not my fifth site.

I wish I could get it at home.

But I’ll deal, and I’m happy that there’s somebody who does care about what’s going on with me.

I could probably write for hours on this, but I’m going to go watch football, and enjoy what’s left of my time off today.


Writing early today. I probably ought to get some coffee, but I’m not quite ready yet.

I did fall asleep at a rather-reasonable time last night. There wasn’t really anything going on with my normal Friday night get-togethers.

I woke up after about 90 minutes of sleep because I had a weird fucking dream.

Society where you have to live within certain regulations regarding efficacy for homes and cars. People in about the lower four-fifths of the income scale couldn’t possibly meet the regulations.

People in the top caste(s) could sell their stuff down to lower tiers, but by the time things filtered down, they were basically unusable.

I’m not going to go on my full-spiel about it, but this is really the sort of thing that’s going on.

You pollute by keeping your old shit. You can’t afford the new, approved shit. That makes you a bad person.

Only the people in the upper levels are good people, and that gives them authority to do pretty much whatever they want to people below them.

I could really head down a rabbit hole on this, but I don’t feel like getting into it too much. Especially before coffee.

So on to prompt….

If you could grant your wife 3 wishes what would they be? (T2K)

  1. A house near where she’d like to live.
  2. Enough money so that she doesn’t have to work anymore.
  3. A vacation with nothing to do.

So that’s a few things. We’ve been just going seemingly non-stop for just short of a decade now.

I have to be careful, however, because I worry that the last one is really more what I might want. *shrug*


I really didn’t watch any of the ceremonies yesterday. I was kind of focused on writing, paying a bit of attention to the Rittenhouse Trial, etc..

Tulsi Gabbard’s take on it is pretty right-on….

Governments are formed to protect life, liberty, and property. Rittenhose was doing what government should have been doing, and wasn’t doing. Should he have been there? I don’t know. Does it matter that he was defending himself? Absolutely. The police should have been doing what he did. Where were they?

So. Other stuff….

I don’t think I really hit on the biggest parts about yesterday. Absolutely I understand what the military does, and support the individuals doing it. I tried to be like my dad and my great-grandfather. Even then, however, my body was not cooperating with me on it.

Yes, I think about the disaffected Lieutenant Colonel who was running the ROTC detachment at William and Mary who was never going to be promoted, and was making sure only the rich kids from his alma mater were going to get scholarships, etc., but there was something else already going on that I couldn’t really put my finger on.

I wouldn’t know until more than a decade later. Oh well.

Of the seventy-or-so cadets who were at my school, I think one in my group got a scholarship.

I’ve not kept in touch with any of them other than the guy who was my “battle buddy” the first year. He dropped out of college, completely, and enlisted in the Army, went to Warrant Officer school, went to flight school, fought in Iraq, and ended up being medically-retired after being wounded in combat.

I went into TV and radio.

As for the rest of what’s happened with the military, politically, it’s difficult, because I think there’s been remarkable overuse, well, pretty much my entire life.

9/11 happened near the end of my undergrad studies (which took five years, because I was busy doing radio at the same time as I was studying).

I was absolutely in favor of the operation in Afghanistan. I was against Iraq until I heard Tony Blair pitch the UK’s involvement to Parliament.

My initial take ended up being correct. Whatever.

So…prompt. Do you ever feel completely invisible?

A lot of the time.

I’m more than okay with that.

Being on the air in the middle of the night really suited me just about perfectly. Of course I had things I wanted to say, opinions that might have been of some use to other people, but there was something about being

Today, I’m fine working 0700-1500, and it’s about what my body will let me do.

What I’m doing, now, is really coming to the end of the line.

I’m okay with that. I’ll be okay.


Veterans’ Day.

One of the big stories for today is the 100th anniversary of the dedication of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

I’ve not heard any mentions of the President at the time. You know, he actually signed peace treaties that actually ended the war, and got the economy out of the first Depression all in the midst of the Spanish Flu pandemic.

Who was that guy?

Oh. Warren G. Harding, the guy who’s consistently rated as one of the worst presidents by “The History.” (Which is a lot like “The Science.”)

But he had liquor parties in the White House, fathered a child out-of-wedlock, and died in office.

He also wasn’t showing Birth of a Nation in the basement. But let’s not talk about that.

There’s no major bridges or office buildings named after him, unlike his predecessor who caused a lot of these problems.

But my impression of World War I, and its aftermath really has come into a different I’ve written previously about the ammunition aboard the Lusitania that is part of the reason why there’s been less exploration of the wreck than the Titanic which sunk four years earlier.

Hundreds of thousands of like 30.06 rounds sitting on the sea bed.

That gun powder will still work.

Just like many of the munitions the Norks have in their tons of Soviet-made armillary shells lined up pointed at South Korea.

I guess it goes back to the whole thing I have lately that few things are ever completely-settled. Science. History. Economics.

The World War I interest was really sparked seeing a cemetery in Germany as a kid with headstones pretty much all saying 1917.

What the hell was going on in 1917 that so many Germans died?

I remember my dad driving through the Somme battlefield. I really had no way to comprehend then just how many people it was.

My great-grandfather had been an Infantry officer, which probably was my dad’s inspiration to be an Army officer.

I have an enormous respect for the military. I won’t say that’s because I’ve been supporting it, mainly, since I left radio, or that my dad is buried in Arlington, but…..

I think it is notable that the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is really kind of 20th Century thing. I don’t think there’s any bodies there from later American excursions.

Things change, which is why you have to constantly re-evaluate almost everything.

I could probably write for hours on this, but there’s a livestream I’m trying to watch in the background.


A third of the way through. I think previously I might have done quarterly checkpoint, but, for this year, thirds seemed appropriate.

Honestly, it’s flown by. A lot of it has been due to various medical things, but I’ve also been busier working than I have in an awful long time.

I really can’t, however, still find a time to really get away and relax.

Today’s thing was similar to what I had Saturday, but with less time to reflect on it all.

I think, at one time, I would have been more annoyed that I really don’t have a chance to enjoy the fruits of my success.

At the same time, I really wonder how much time I’d take patting myself on the back for the successes; I’d just do what I normally do.

Part of what I was listening to either today or yesterday was a discussion of delayed gratification.

But what of when you’ve become so adept at delay that there ultimately isn’t any gratification?

I could say something about the futility of the ritualistic habits, but I’m not sure what to say. I just do what I do.

And maybe I’ll always be that way.

After I finish what I have to do tonight, I should be off for four days without any work to do. Can I figure out how to enjoy that?

I don’t know.

*looks at the news*

Yeah, nothing worth really talking about.

*Look at what I wrote one year ago*

I was waiting to meet with a doctor. Go figure.

*Let’s look at five years ago*

I actually am not seeing anything for 11/10/2016. Interesting.

Even more interesting? I probably won’t leave the house, now, until the day after Thanksgiving.

I am okay with this.


Kind of a disjointed day. With the holiday on Thursday, there’s a lot of push by the various people with whom I interact are trying to clear out Friday to make way for another four-day weekend.

Two in the same month.

I can kinda deal with that, and will be doing the same, myself. I still don’t think I’m going to get down to the requested leave balance by the end of the year. Even with taking the day before and after Thanksgiving, and the whole week between Christmas and the end of the year.

Tomorrow I go get my first infusion at this new facility. I got a rebate check from the last facility, finally, and it ended up being less than half of what I was told I’d receive. While i was initially upset about the situation, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the money is just gone. I’ve probably spent more than about forty hours on the issue. While I was angry, at first, that they weren’t going to remedy the situation, it’s just not worth fighting anymore.

The attempt failed. It didn’t work. Move on to something else.

Like prompts. I have one for today, and my psychologist suggested that I combine some of the notes I have into a long entry.

Actually, part of the the reason I started seeing this doctor was very disturbing dreams I was having.

I write down what I can when I think to do it. Some of them are really strange.

As an example, my post-work nap today evoked one where I was stuck inside either a mall or a department store. Sort of a cross between something you’d see on Deadmalls, or the Costco in Idiocracy.

Do you have goals that you want to accomplish? What are they? What is your plan to achieve them?

  1. Retire
  2. Buy a House
  3. Write a book

The first one is really kind of a nice way of saying, “finish out what I’m doing.” There’s a finite timeline of what I’m doing. I’m comfortable with that. Much of what I’m doing is keeping this thing running until its replacement is developed. Obviously, I feel good about what I’m offering, but I don’t have a particular attachment to the system as it currently exists. The way it was designed probably made sense when it was designed, but it can be replaced with something more modern.

That sort of attitude often conflicts with people really married to the old way of doing business. But it’s over. Whatever. Healthy people can move on to something different. If I was healthy, my calculus would involve figuring out how to position myself for something new. But I’m not, so hang it up.

The house is pretty straightforward, too. We’re squirreling away cash, and should be able to make a move when we’re ready.

As for the book, I’ve really just got to figure out what I might want to write about. The mechanics of it are also pretty straightforward, too.

I can also do it in spite of my deteriorating vision.

I am really happy I learned how to type in high school.