Eight

I’d penciled this in as birthday round-up. I’ll roll the celebrations into the trip recap tomorrow. We’re finishing up packing to go home this evening.

It’s been a somewhat-good trip.

Saw the Saints’ game on Sunday. Sort-kinda watched election returns last night, but I really don’t care.

There’s nothing I can do about it. I tried to explain this to several people during the get-out-the-vote pushes over the past few days.

Virginia is one again “blue.” Just the way Harry Byrd intended. Whatever.

I’ll vote in the primaries agains the most bad.

Potentially the bright spot of the night:

She was so awful, one of the Circuit judges in Loudoun pulled her off cases.

I honestly can’t remember that ever happening.

Still not amped on the idea of living in Loudoun again, but I guess it’s back on the table.


About two hours to vacate the hotel. Then to NOLA to fly back to DC.

Seven

Bucket List (Flashback to 2013, again)

Reviewing that one, and it sucked, it wasn’t as bad as the ones that would follow for a few years.

That said, the answer I gave then is still where I am — “I don’t have one.”

Is there an aspirational nature to the question, maybe?

I need to do these things before I die.

And if you don’t?

Maybe it’s a follow-up, and I’ll call it “lazy,” to the sorts of lists you’re supposed to put together as a young person.

But if everyone you encounter thinks you’re an asshole, what does it matter?

I do know that there’s people who’ll miss me, and that there’s very few people around who won’t communicate with me.

So, maybe there’s only one things in my list — be the sort of person someone, maybe several, will miss.


That’s pretty dark, but it’s where I am with it.

A decade ago, I wrote something about wanting to see Halleys Comet again.

At this point, in my current condition, and the prognosis for me physically, 2061 seems like a stretch.

A visit with extended family yesterday drives that home even more.

The 2013 post was probably about the time that I’d really come to terms with my limited mortality.

So it goes. So shall I.

Six

What job would you never take?

Flashback to 2012.

At this point, I have no idea. As I’ve gotten closer to resolution on my time spent working for someone else, there’s still a few things burbling around in my head, but I don’t know that I’ll be in a position again where I have to ardently just to meet the bare necessities of life.

I think I showed that there wasn’t a hell of a lot I wouldn’t do to keep the lights turned on.

Regrets? A few, certainly, but I’m now at the point where I can be somewhat choosy about what I do.

We’ve done what we need to do so that we don’t have to make those hard choices again.

What I’m not going to do is take a job like the ones I had mourned 2016-7. I understand that that model of working is what’s kind of the approach of many companies these days, but whatever.

I’m not participating anymore.

It fits with my whole You-Can-Leave approach on many things.

Maybe this is something that aligns with the overall performance of the larger economy; I don’t know. But I’m not going to be abused again. I don’t need to be.

Do you have any idea how much it fucking sucks when you’re looking at the holidays approaching, and you know that you’re just going to earn less for the next two months because Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

But, like, paid family leave!!1!

Yeah, I don’t care about that. And it doesn’t make a bit of difference when government policies have really eliminated what was “full-time” employment.

I suppose the answer, then, is just about anything that doesn’t give me some personal fulfillment.

Running NetBackup on a busted-ass NT4 domain never did that.

So I won’t do it.

And I won’t be in a position, again, where I’m so desperate, financially, that I have to make that choice again.


I really should dig more into what I’m going to be doing when I get back “home.”

Next up will be the visit to the Reason new office in DC.

Five

What job would you never take? (Flashback to 2013)

Yeah, I’m all sorts of backwards on this prompt. Couldn’t be because I’m licking spare cream cheese off my thumbs in a hotel breakfast area, now could it?

After what appeared to be an elderly guy with a much-younger family member cleared out, it’s been complete empty here.

Just the one guy at the table in the corner licking errant cream cheese off his thumb.

I will write more about what we were doing yesterday later, but I think it went well. Later in the evening, on the other hand, was not good. Little dog is having problems.

So, I guess today will be free-write, which is okay, I guess.

I don’t know. I’ve been making efforts to stay disconnected from work. So far they’ve been successful, but things are gnawing at me.

If I don’t do this right now, I’m going to be really screwed over next year. Or beyond that. Or whatever.

No, you need to settle the fuck down, and relax. Even on this trip, I’m not completely doing that. I’m worried about family issues, and miscellany associated.

Just relax, guy.

Yeah, good luck with that. Not how I behave, unfortunately.

Trying to figure out when would be a time where I could take a break absent calendar distractions.

It seems like there’s something going on almostt every single month.

Am I doing that to myself?

Even in what should be a slack day, I’m, with the formerly cream cheese-covered digit, thumbing in things to do.

Oh well.

I could write about football, but there’s not a lot I’ve really consumed lately.

Maybe I should write something more tonight. Probably not.

Four

Kind of a quiet day. Lots of resting up after hectic day of travel.

But some time to relax, reconnect.

Little dog is getting significant attention, especially from the hotel staff. She is so cute!

We know?

Today is combined November birthdays celebration later this morning. I’m hoping it goes well.

For the prompt, digging back to 2012…

What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs.

I’m definitely sensing a trend in these randomly-selected things. It’s almost as if I’ve been spending a lot of time in mental health treatment lately.

True.

But the answer here is somewhat-similar when I first took this back in 2012. Pretty much nothing.

I am finding myself really patterning things, lately. Maybe it’s an attempt to do things as efficiently as possible. Brush teeth in the sink. Shake electric toothbrush in the shower while I’m putting the head that’s been hanging down to drain back in the main holster. Turn on the shower. Finish drying the toothbrush handle on the bath towel. Put bath towel on the hook outside the shower. Put the toothbrush in its perch above the sink. Fill mouth with mouthwash. Check to see that the water’s warm. Get in the shower. Spit out mouthwash sometime while I’m washing myself.

I’m saving seconds, maybe, but this sis the sort of thing I go through with many normal everyday tasks.

Does it help?

Probably not.

Is that a tic? No, I’m not a seventeen year-old girl trying to find out she’s got an issue.

I spent so much of my life trying to avoid having anything about me be notable/abnormal.

I’m not special.

So all of these “trends” are really confusing to me.

Three

The date was going well until he proposed.

This provoked a healthy chuckle, as my wife and I went out to the sort of restaurant we used to often frequent early in our relationship.

It was not good.

this is really difficult to answer. I really haven’t dated the tmany people, and the options were pretty limited living in Tidewater.

I’m strange. My life is strange. I never really could date like a normal person would.

Early when we were dating, I was working all sorts of odd hours pushing out really bad code because my then-boss had determined I was the guy to program for the company. (Newsflash: I really was never that great a coder…)

Then just before we actually married, they figured out what the hell was wrong with me, physically.

Then inability to drive/travel. Financial problems. Moves. Pandemic.

I think when we went out to the chain restaurant across the parking lot, that was probably the first time we’ve had dinner out, just the two of us, in probably more than five years.

I think much of the discussion was particularly about getting to where we are, what we’d do differently, the dog, and so on.

But we did make it. Tomorrow and Sunday have a few things planned, bug I don’t think we’re going to do much of anything today.

So I write, drink not-very-good coffee, and stay on schedule with this.

((complaining about this laptop’s keyboard deleted…))

Though tempted, I’m not going to work at work stuff. Just not going to do it. It can wait until we’re home.

But back to the date thing, I think a lot of Sarah and my remembrances surrounding dates would involve stupid things said by other pushy patrons near us.

The guy in the tweed blazer with patches on the elbows who was very upset that the burger he ordered had mushrooms on it.

He’d specifically asked for no musicrooms on the burger, because he’s “deathly allergic.”

.

He’d ordered the Mushroom-Swiss burger.

Or the one time the guy at the table next to us went on and on about how the food scene in LA is better than Norfolk’s. See, he’s from LA, and knows about these things.

Okay, guy.

But there aren’t any that come to mind between the two of us.

Might explain why we’ve lasted so long.


So I feel like I’m finished with the topic, unlike the weird burger I ordered last night. There was probably a point in time where I would have been intrigued by it.

Two

I figure I’ll knock this out during the in-between of packing and travelling.

We’re pretty much as good as we’re going to get; deal with what comes as it comes.

This really kind of fits with my approach to a lot of different things; things happen, you deal, and move forward as best you can.

You can’t plan everything.

And your inability to plan everything doesn’t make you a bad person. Yes, you should take reasonable measures, but things just happen someimes.

How you react to those things speaks more to you as a pest, I think.

Today’s prompt really pairs well with the line of thinking —

 Are you superstitious?

The older I get, the less superstitious I am.

That doesn’t go well with many of the standard OCD behaviors. No, nothing bad is going to happen because you didn’t check the lock on the door a certain number of times.

You didn’t lock the door.

Most probable: Nothing happens at all.

A bit worse: Someone comes in

Worse, still, they take your stuff

Worst of at all, he/she hurts you

But unless you live in a really bad place, the first option is the most likely.

Something to discuss with my shrink next time I speak to her; what’s her take on things like superstition? Am I doing it wrong that it really doesn’t bother me much anymore?

(No. I’m pretty sure she’d say that my response is the healthy one. It’s like I’m learning or something.)

But, even absent the cogitative behavioral therapy techniques, I viewed most of the things people did as just foolish. (And thinking that makes me a bad person….ANOTHER THING I SHOULDN’T THINK!)

Prepare appropriately in a reasonable amount of time you’ve dedicated to preparation.

Then go do it. Whatever it is.

One

Another November, another opportunity to express the compulsive part of my OCD affliction.

I don’t know if I’ve written here before, and I’m too unmotivated to go check, but I have the “Pure O” variety of OCD.

I’ve done this every November since 2010.

Obviously, the middle part of that sequence was rather tumultuous, but I finally feel like I can really just focus on relaxing writing.

This year’s writing, however, is going to be a bit different than it has been.

My November (and I really hate putting it that way…if I’m here, and you’re here, doesn’t it make it our November, Mr. Hand?)

But doing this every day helps keep me focused on what’s to come.

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
National Weather Service Baltimore MD/Washington DC
1048 AM EDT Wed Nov 1 2023

DCZ001-MDZ003>006-008-011-013-014-016>018-503>508-VAZ028-030-031-
036>040-050-051-053>057-501-502-505-506-526-527-WVZ051>053-012300-
/O.CON.KLWX.FZ.W.0012.231102T0300Z-231102T1400Z/
District of Columbia-Washington-Frederick MD-Carroll-
Northern Baltimore-Cecil-Southern Baltimore-Prince Georges-
Anne Arundel-Charles-St. Marys-Calvert-Northwest Montgomery-
Central and Southeast Montgomery-Northwest Howard-
Central and Southeast Howard-Northwest Harford-Southeast Harford-
Frederick VA-Warren-Clarke-Nelson-Albemarle-Greene-Madison-
Rappahannock-Orange-Culpeper-Fairfax-
Arlington/Falls Church/Alexandria-Stafford-Spotsylvania-
King George-Northern Fauquier-Southern Fauquier-Western Loudoun-
Eastern Loudoun-Northwest Prince William-
Central and Southeast Prince William/Manassas/Manassas Park-
Morgan-Berkeley-Jefferson-
Including the cities of Washington, Hagerstown, Frederick,
Ballenger Creek, Eldersburg, Westminster, Reisterstown,
Cockeysville, Elkton, Baltimore, Bowie, Suitland-Silver Hill,
Clinton, College Park, Greenbelt, Laurel, Camp Springs,
Glen Burnie, Annapolis, Severn, South Gate, Severna Park, Arnold,
Odenton, St. Charles, Waldorf, Lexington Park, California,
Chesapeake Beach, Huntingtown, Dunkirk, North Beach, Lusby,
Prince Frederick, Germantown, Damascus, Bethesda, Rockville,
Gaithersburg, Silver Spring, Lisbon, Columbia, Ellicott City,
Jarrettsville, Aberdeen, Winchester, Front Royal, Berryville,
Lovingston, Charlottesville, Stanardsville, Madison, Orange,
Gordonsville, Culpeper, Reston, Herndon, Annandale, Centreville,
Chantilly, McLean, Franconia, Arlington, Alexandria,
Falls Church, Falmouth, Fredericksburg, Dahlgren, Warrenton,
Turnbull, Purcellville, Leesburg, Ashburn, Sterling, Haymarket,
Dale City, Manassas, Woodbridge, Lake Ridge, Montclair, Paw Paw,
Martinsburg, Charles Town, and Shepherdstown
1048 AM EDT Wed Nov 1 2023

...FREEZE WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 11 PM THIS EVENING TO
10 AM EDT THURSDAY...

* WHAT...Sub-freezing temperatures as low as 26 expected.

* WHERE...Portions of central, north central, northeast, northern
  and southern Maryland, The District of Columbia, central,
  northern and northwest Virginia and the eastern panhandle of West
  Virginia.

* WHEN...From 11 PM this evening to 10 AM EDT Thursday.

* IMPACTS...Frost and freeze conditions will kill crops, other
  sensitive vegetation and possibly damage unprotected outdoor
  plumbing.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

Take steps now to protect tender plants from the cold. To prevent
freezing and possible bursting of outdoor water pipes they should
be wrapped, drained, or allowed to drip slowly. Those that have
in-ground sprinkler systems should drain them and cover above-
ground pipes to protect them from freezing.

So tonight’s the night it gets really cold for the first time.

Thanksgiving dinner ordered and paid for from a local restaurant. Travel to see family up next. Events scheduled. Any day now, there might be snow flying.

I’m ready.

But can I do the stuff I’ve planned to do, and relax some?

It’s going to be difficult. On the other hand, I suppose I could be in a much worse situation.

I shouldn’t think that way.

Takes commitment to change that way of thinking. So, too, does doing things like avoiding worty dirds. I was listening to Based Politics earlier today, and Hannah was talking about how she doesn’t watch her mouth.

I’ve put forth an effort, lately, to clean up my language. Not because I think that there’s anything inherently wrong, but I worry (part of the myriad mental issues?) that doing so reduces your message’s effectiveness.

So the writing is just another thing I can do to improve myself.

Maybe there’ll be something to give thanks for towards the end of the month. Maybe, not.

But I’m going to try.

And we’re off…..

November again

Well, in some parts of the world already, at least.

Am I going to write again? Yep. Have I finished my prompts? Pretty much. Am I open to more suggestions for the blanks? Always.

What I have so far:

 1.  Start
 2.  
 3.  Reader suggestion
 4.  Strange Habits
 5.  What job would you never take? (Flashback to 2013)
 6.  Free-Write
 7.  Bucket List (Flashback to 2013, again)
 8.  Birthday wrap-ups
 9.  Travel Recap
10.  Free Write
11.  Veterans Day
12.  Reason Office Visit
13.  Disappointed (Flashback to 2013)
15.  Walt Book Signing Review
16.  Halfway
17.  Uniqueness (Flashback to 2013)
18.  Terror and Risk (Flashback to 2012)
19.  
20.  Free Write
21.  Thanksgiving Plans
22.  60-years since JFK
23.  
24.  Thanksgiving recap
25.  Small Business Saturday
26.  Liz Phair Review
27.  Christmas Plans
28.  
29.  
30.  Wrap-up

Is it excitement? Um. Maybe my head’s just swimming too much?

But Happy Halloween.

Thirty

Wrap Up

So this is the last one. We’ll see how much more I have until the end of the year. I do have some Notes of a Goon writing to do, but I really can feel finished.

Christmas is going to be unsettled, just like Thanksgiving.

Whatever. Keep plugging along until I have to make a change.

Lots of thoughts listening to Mean Age Daydream this morning, as well as some of the Thanksgiving podcasts. The guest was a comic who wrote, and was pitching a book on “woke” comedy.

One of the things he had was following a rape victim on an open mic…and how that really killed his act for the night.

Another was following a disabled comic.

Going through my inventory, I really don’t fit nicely into a lot of the categories of concern. (Which sounds a lot like one of Fauci’s comebacks to Rand Paul about gain-of-funciton research being conducted in Wuhan; No, Senator, we weren’t conducting gain-of-function of concern….)

So what the hell am I? Disabled? Yep. Rich? Nope. White? Not completely, and that was a bit of an issue for my father growing up in the deep South in the 1960s. Product of an affluent school? Fuck no. I grew up all over the place, and really don’t have anywhere I consider “home.”

I could ask what considerations I should have, etc.

But I don’t care. Leave me alone, and don’t try to make me live the way you think I should.

There was a radio host to whom I used to listen (when he was still on the air…) who had a video message a couple of days ago that was targeting the sorts of things people think are important today. His message? “So what.”

I agree, of course, but that also makes me out-of-place today. But that comes with being a recovering radio guy, I guess.

I’ve written every day in November, now, for thirteen straight years.

So what?

Because it’s what I fucking wanted to do.