Day 24

Wallybert Proto reminded me that my blog sucks. Duh. Yeah, so was at my mom’s for belated Thanksgiving dinner. It went. Whatever. I’ll write more tomorrow.

1. What was the last thing that gave you a sense of wonder?

I honestly don’t know. With limited vision, it’s tough to get wonderment, you know?

2. Name a totally useless possession and how you came to own it.

There are many. I probably ought to pick one, no?

Day 23

Thanksgiving went pretty well. Ugh. Today’s been spent doing things around the house, and recording my intake and output in preparation for my invasive procedure in a couple of weeks. *sigh*

I tried to start on this early this morning, but didn’t get very far. Lots of reasons for that, but Imainly fighting with Loonix. ATI HDMI audio is a royal pain in the ass. I gave up, went back to the onboard analog shit…..and as soon as I plugged it in to the TV, no sound. Fuck. Whatever. Things seem to be working better than with that antiquated laptop I’d been using. I can fiddle with it

1. What are your vices?

The normal stuff; alcohol, caffeine, meth, opiates, nicotine, gambling.

Some of those aren’t true. Decide for yourself which ones.

2. “The most disappointed I’ve ever been…”

You know, I honestly don’t know nowadays. I try not to focus on failures, you know? Especially now, Going to meet with criminal investigators about someone ranks right up there….

Day 22

Start this one off with a “Happy Thanksgiving.” I am looking forward to the downtime, here, honestly. Trying to be as optimistic as I can be about a lot of things, but the more I see of what’s going on, the more it’s clear to me that people don’t really want to change any of the foolish things they’re doing; the more unwilling they are to attempt something truly new.

All that said, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, so I’m resolving to be in a good mood today. Well, at least until I have to take my damn Rebif.

1. What are you thankful for?

Having the most wonderful partner in the world. Being ambulatory. Being still able to find new ways to attack challenges.

2. Close your eyes and imagine the kind of world you would like to see. What is it like?

I’m really bad about utopian vision. I’m even worse about dystopian vision. Or any vision. But, bigger than that, I really don’t believe in much of anything having a detailed plan. It’s really better that way; too many people get caught up in the ultimately unimportant details.

And this is why you can buy whole turkey breasts at the supermarket, just so the finicky people can be sure to not get any dark meat…….

Day 21

Tomorrow is the fiftieth anniversary of JFK’s assassination. Waiting to see how TV news plays it just like everybody remembers it. You know, how they did when we hit the 50th anniversary of “The Day The Music Died.” Newsflash: The POTUS was a baby. I wasn’t born. My parents were in elementary school.

If it sounds like I’m dawdling, I am. I have to go get blood taken. Great way to start the weekend, dontchathink?

So, what’s going on for Thanksgiving? Headed to the inlaws’ tomorrow. My brother and his wife are coming down this weekend, so I guess we’ll go have dinner with my mom on Saturday. I have no idea what she’s actually planning to do tomorrow. Did I not ask on purpose? Well, no. But…

I have training in a couple of weeks, meaning I have to go in to the office. Pfffft. And the first day of it, I have to leave early, because they’re going to shove all sorts of things into exit-only places (both of ’em…at the same time). I’m pumped, right?

So, on to the prompts, then off to the leeching.

1. What makes you unique?

DNA.

2. What is your very favorite meal and/or drink?

You know, I honestly don’t know at this point. I’ve been trying to use my pallate more while I still have use of it. (Yes, this damn disease might eventually take my senses of smell and taste….) I notice things more than I used to. Some of that is training, probably.

It’s sort of amusing watching the cooking shows, with their focus on presentation. Isn’t that irrelevant after the first couple of bites? Though I do appreciate the pastry folks’ work; I am certainly not skilled enough to make anything look pretty. See: a really bad birthday cake I made for my wife. But it tasted good.

Day 20

Writing on this mainly to keep it up. I am very unsatisfied right now. About a lot of things. But I’m not in a position to do anything about any of them, really. Still kind of disturbed by the election reactions; 2012 was a vote against change, responsibility. I think it’s important to see that aspect of it…..

Ten more days. Less than two until the Thanksgiving nonsense starts. I’m ready for my break. And I’m also ready to give my wife her gifts, which may or may not be arriving already……

1. Who was (or is!) your favorite teacher? Why were they your favorite.

High school? Mrs. H. College: Hon. LL., Sen Q., Dr. C.

Some others had an effect on me, but I shan’t mention them.

2. How would you describe yourself? How would your best friend describe you?

Does this really matter all that much?
Me:

  • Practical
  • Caring
  • Struggling
  • Half-blind
  • Wobbly
  • Placated

Others:

  • Egalitarian
  • Not sick
  • Drunk
  • Difficult

But back to the question I asked; to me, it doesn’t matter so long as my wife still loves me, and I don’t hate myself. In the last few years, some people I’ve thought were good friends have revealed themselves to be something else. Others have drifted into their own special worlds (some slightly off). Others, still, have just ignored everything that’s been going on with me. *makes W sign with fingers* It happens. I’m mostly content with my circles now.

Actually, you know what, I’m really content with my circles now. Why? I don’t have to hide things anymore. I have approval from the people whose opinions I care about. How have I done that? Being me, flaws and all…..

Day 19

Kind of in a reflective mood today, but it comes back to one simple truth — it’s impossible to reason with someone who believes he has the prescriptions for all of life’s problems. Sadly, there’s no remedy for it, and selection or election of these people makes them even more insufferable.

There’s things going on that you can’t even start to understand; how, exactly, is your prescription going to work? I know. Faith. And if I can show how your preconceptions backing your conclusions are wrong? Yeah, we won’t discuss that. You’re right, and who am I to question that? Gaia is on your side.

If that was more than a little obtuse, so be it. I’ll know, should I ever go back and re-read this, what I was upset about. On to the prompts……

1. Do you believe in soul mates? If so, do you believe we each have just one soul mate?

Can I answer this one with a firm, “I don’t know?” Because, honestly, I don’t know. Are there connections between people that sometimes extend beyond……yes. Do I have one? Yeah. Can I explain it? No. Is it just one person? Probably.

2. What would you do if you could live a day without consequences?

After two chicks at the same time? Nothing. Then gluttony in various ways. But, mostly nothing. I really don’t have anything to do or say at this point, and consequences never really can go away.

The science behind the consequences doesn’t go away. So what do I do? Go be intentionally rude for my own enjoyment? Is the enjoyment I’d experience from that from the act, or from the consequence of that act? I’m running out of reasons to do much of anything if there aren’t consequences……

Day 18

So, writing at before 0600 on Sunday morning. Why? Because I had a dream that somebody was coming with a delivery, and I needed to sign.

On early Sunday morning. Yeah, I’ve got some mental issues, maybe. Still better than the weirdness that woke me up yesterday, which involved Gangnam Style. Issues.

So, on to the prompts before I fall back asleep, because, uh…there’s no delivery coming.

1. Are you a risk-taker?Do you weigh the pros and cons or jump right in?
Short answers: “No. Depends.” Longer answers: “I’m actually pretty risk-averse when you get right down to it. Living with my physical limitations kind of demands that. Have I done things that might get me hurt, fired, arrested? Sure. Are there a lot that come immediately to mind? No.”
Those said, considering what you see on TV this time of year, the Internets all year long, etc., I marvel at the paranoia I see. People don’t understand probabilities at all, jump to conclusions. With medical issues, it gets worse. Next on The Doctors, “Is my hangnail due to the chicken I ate in 1987?”

2. “The most terrifying moment of my life was…”
You know, I’m really having trouble with this one. Why? Because the things that are coming to mind weren’t actually terrifying until I thought about it after I was away, safe. Some of those where you say, “wow, that could have ended really badly.” Maybe I’ve been lucky. Who knows? But I do know that because I’m acutely aware of my limitations now, I’m more cautious; it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those moments.

I/O

Planned to come complain about Twitter spammers, and ended up deleting over 500 pending comments here.  The captcha does work most of the time, but….

While in the shower today, I was thinking about Garbage In, Garbage Out.  So, why am I still using WordPress?  Because while it may be Garbage In (and if I’m writing it, it most assuredly is), but I can get the fucking data out when I want to.  I didn’t import the data from my old CMS, because I really didn’t care enough about it to worry.

Too many of the things i see advertised in the IT world as be-all, end-all solutions, prevent people from doing just that.  Data goes in, but there’s a better than even chance it’s ever coming out in a usable format.  There’s several tools I’ve seen pressed hard at work that fall into that category.

Some of the big boys have gotten better about it.  Others are trying new, different, products that lock up data with little hope of recovery/reuse.  But that’s exactly what we’re not supposed to be doing!  *exasperated sigh*

Day 17

For Day 17, the earworm is, “It Was A Very Good Year.” Pretty much any rendition other than Homer Simpson’s works. (And, yes, that includes William Shatner’s, which is actually rather incredible, if you just listen to it. Though it’s tough to match the tone from Sinatra’s…..)

So, where was I? Oh yeah. It’s Saturday morning, before eight. Why I’m up so early is completely beyond me. But here I am.

Take my cocktail of pharmaceuticals, refill my old guy’s pill tray, and write. That tray has grown with another, but it is what it is.

I am a human chemistry experiment. And that’s why I get leeched again to start the holiday weekend Wednesday afternoon. I’m getting better about it, but it’s still not something I take particularly well. Sadly, unlike the shit from Chemistry class was fun to watch when it burbled over. Me? Notsomuch. Sorry about that.

Then the friendly @Norfolk Tide (Yes, it’s a joke, but whoever is writing it really is in touch with the nonsense going on locally and nationally) added buttons you need to push to exit, which wasn’t something I particularly needed while lightheaded, nauseous. But it’s still better than riding the bus.

My wife went to pick up my prescription yesterday, go to the mall, and she got caught, too. (And I can’t say enough good things about the pharmacy; sometimes being forced to move your business yields good results after all. Now if I could get rid of the damn mail order place the insurance company makes me use to fill my injections, complete with Chinese hamster ovarian cells, to let the local folks fill….)

On to the prompts.

1. Is there an outfit, a meal, a drink, a style, a whatever, that you feel is the quintessential “you?”

Maybe when I was younger. Notsomuch anymore. My wife is befuddled by my like of button-down shirts. I don’t know.

2. Complete the following: “Dear ____, it weighs on me that I never told you . . .”

You know, I don’t have much for this one, either. Maybe it’s part of being accustomed to break relationships as a kid. Maybe it’s because if something is left unsaid, I had a good reason not to say it. Who knows? The past is the past, and I have too many things going on to dwell on things I should or shouldn’t have done.

Day 16

So, end of the week, and I’m over the hump on this. Yay….

1. What do you feel is your purpose in life?

1. Be a good husband.
2. Earn money.
3. Obey the law.
4. Enjoy what I still can.

I think I do those. Well, not enough of number two. And rumors on the Internets say I’m a horrible husband (and a worse panda). But I think my priorities are in line.

If number four seems a little ponderous, so be it. I’ve had to find a lot of new things to occupy myself since I got sick. The nights of driving around aimlessly, listening to the radio, are over. Besides, spending time with my wife is so much better…..

As for the earning money, I don’t know. I do feel like my opinion and input isn’t often valued; some people view me as a Negative Nancy. But, in the end, I’m trying to do the right thing. If I feel strongly that I’m being told to do the wrong thing, or that the approach is completely askew, I’m open to convincing. I will listen to arguments contrary to my analysis. But I will criticize them if they’re thin. Too often these days, there isn’t really an agrument at al — just do it. No, it’s fucking wrong. It’s unnecessarily expensive, and you haven’t done your homework.

2. Write an entry from the point of view of your pet(s).

Since all my pets have gone on to their rewards…….there’s not much to write on this. I miss the dogs a lot. *sigh* Eventually, we’ll move to a place where we can have one.