Recomposition

The Microsoft spell check says that that title is misspelled.

Maybe it is, but I really don’t care. I think it fits.

A lot of what I’ve been working on the past few years is trying to rebuild what i let fall by the wayside for several years.

But I do know how to do these things. Maybe they’re not the new hotness(tm), but they do work.

And I do them because I’ve seen that they do work.

There were some interesting things that came up in one of my social groups last night. We ended up discussing some of what came up in some of what I wrote about recently from an OD writing prompt. It also plays in to some of what Harry Browne wrote about in How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World. There are things that you do that may not bring you any particular joy, but they do help you perform later.

Those suicide drills don’t help you block or tackle.

Running them until you puke doesn’t have any immediately-apparent benefit. And, as a player, when you’re dealing with the pain involved with running them, you hate the person who made you run them.

Then you finally get to the point when you can play. The hatred is gone.

I think in adulthood, one of the troubles is figuring out something you can do to challenge yourself.

One of the podcasts I routinely consume talked about the mechanics of writing a book. Committing to write 2,000 words per day? Yeah, I can do that.

It wasn’t particularly long ago that I would have thought that that was completely impossible.

The big thing is figuring out what you want to be able to do, and the tedious things you’ll need to do to be able to do them.

If you’d told me in 2011 that, in the same week, I’d get an injection on Saturday, then an infusion the following Friday, I would have told you that that you’re nuts.

*steps away to look at how long this entry is*

Yeah, getting close to that point, already.

It’s taken me maybe an hour, total, to write that.

So, yeah, there is something about comes from adherence to something ritualized that helps you progress as a person.

Back on the discussion last night, part of what I’m fascinated by lately, too, is the role of religion in human life.

When I was young, kind of a Randroid, I was more than a little skeptical of religion. I’ve heard Vin Armani on a few different podcasts recently. *DDGs it* I hate linking to Reddit, but this is one of the first things that came up.

The secularities among various separate religions is fascinating. Even things like the vibrations induced by chanting are virtually identical.

So what is that?

Maybe there’s something else going on.

Bouncing back to the writing — I need ideas for something longer to write about.

Suggestions wanted.

Very little

Accomplished this weekend, other than getting the first part of my two-part vaccine.

Just a paper where they wrote the date of the dose.

No, you may not see it, and I will not show it willingly.

I won’t carry it.

If you refuse to sell to me because I will not present it, that may or may not be okay. I’m really not going to be terribly upset about you refusing to sell to me.

You’ve lost a sale, and I will tell my friends and family why they shouldn’t buy from you in the future.

That kind of ties in to the woke MLB All-Star game move.

Because Georgia passed a law that institutes the sorts of restrictions on voting that many other states have, you have to move the game to perhaps the whitest city in the league.

Um.

So I stop consuming. I do it by my choice. Blocked and Reported, if you will. Except, maybe, I’m not reporting. I’m just blocking.

I will take my attention, and money elsewhere.

Next injection scheduled. Mayday. Somehow that seems appropriate.

Passports

Listening to Robbie right now.

I will get the first dose of the Phizer vaccine later this week. After checking to see if there were any negative contradictions to my disease modifying therapy, I’ve cleared it with my neurologist. If private denial of service isn’t a violation of this, then I will simply refuse to give them my business.

I get overly concerned about these things, but that wanes over time.

Keep It Up

The last entry was, again, something I’d been asked to answer. Done and done.

One of the questions was about whether I enjoy doing surveys. Occasionally? But as I’ve gotten older, and written things down, they do provided some insight into what my frame of mind was at the time I took the survey.

Some answers remain true. Several, actually.

But I don’t persist with most things. Reaching back, though, I can see some of the things that might have attracted my attention initially.

But things change.

I’m not sure where I was going with all of these thoughts.

News.

Top story on Hacker News was about the NeXT World Wide Web browser. Of interest to me, but I’d imagine it’d be completely irrelevant these days.

Even in the early days of Mac OS X, you’d end up using a browser in an emulation mode just to see pages display somewhat-properly.

But I can’t imagine what an exercise in futility trying to browse the web on the Classic MacOS version Netscape Navigator.

That brings me to another story that was affecting the local news here inside the Beltway.

My esteemed alma mater now has an alumnus more famous than XKCD.

The guy who killed a police officer at the US Capitol graduated from CNU. But just like the folks on January 6th, they were all white supremacist’s, right?

Oh. He was a black guy, member of NOI.

Moving along. Nothing to see here.

And I’m getting distracted, so I’m going to stop writing for now.

Saturday Survey

Another entry is coming later, but I wanted to knock this out…


What is your favorite color?

I think I’m attracted to shades of blue.

Why is the sky blue?

Various reflections and refractions.

What do you do on a rainy day?

Same thing I do on sunny days — stay inside, because I really can’t go anywhere with my various maladies.

What do you eat for breakfast?

Low-fat black cherry yogurt, heavy cream, and coffee.

Who is your favorite sports team and why?

I was living in Leavenworth, Kansas in 1985. I’ve been a Royals’ fan ever since. My family is from the greater New Orleans area. There’s no major league baseball team. The Saints had Jim Mora’s USFL All-Star team playing in the Super Dome. Saints’ fans wouldn’t look at me sideways when I mentioned something like Beignets or Jambalaya. So, yeah, I’m there.

When do you write in Open Diary?

Most often on Saturdays. The answers to this, as well as most of my writing, actually originated in my blog at control-h.0rg.

(I started writing at OD in 1999. It did uncork what’d been bottled up since high school, when my English teacher was very concerned about a Gen Xer with bad acne….)

Where do you keep your keys?

Right now, they’re in my pants on the floor in the bedroom. (I am wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt….)

How do you like where you live?

I really don’t know at this point. The last year has really changed things. I’m not upset that my wife and I didn’t end up in DC. We are still in “the swamp,” but I could really be okay anywhere with decent connectivity.

Do you like cottage cheese?

If it’s on or in something I’m given or order, I’ll probably eat it. I probably wouldn’t reach for it otherwise.

How would you describe yourself in 5 words or less?

I’m just a guy.

Are you a fan of surveys?

They’re something to do. Maybe they provide some insight into where I am at that particular point at time.

If money was no object, who would you donate your money to and why?

What I’m doing right now.

Who is the last person you emailed?

I think it was probably a response to something on the HR Geeks List about last night’s Jitsi meeting.

What is your dream automobile?

I’m too blind to drive, so I don’t. My dreams of particular cars are over.

What color are your eyes?

Blue.

If you could be any famous person living or dead who would it be and why?

Where I am now, I don’t think I’d want to be anybody other than me.

How do you change a light bulb?

For the most part, that’s not something I ever have to worry about anymore.

What is spring weather like where you live?

It sounds like it’s been up-and-down temperature-wise. I think it was actually snowing here the other day.

Do you like dogs or cats and why?

Dogs. They actually like people. Cats kind of put up with us, and eat pests. If they feel like it.

That I’m incredibly-allergic to cats might have something to do with it, but that’s something I’ve learned as I got older.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  

Just that much.

So Much For A Break

I got back on the exercise wagon one day after getting off.

I was bored, maybe.

But I did take a day off. A day.

I still haven’t been able to let myself really relax about anything, really.

I ought to quit that.

Last week’s entry had kind of veiled references to part of what I was getting my wife for her birthday. Muffalettas from Central Grocery.

Yes, there was great temptation to eat those last night, but Friday, Lent, etc..

Why do I adhere to these customs? I don’t know. Maybe the same reason I kept exercising when I really needed a break. Or writing every day during November. (Aside: I really ought to collect writing prompts throughout the year. Or finish going through the list I already have. Hmm. I do have an unfinished list for one of those, where I’m supposed to make a list of 100 things I like. That prompt is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be when I started it….)

Breaking a habit is difficult.

I’m doing a really bad job at quitting a few things.

But I got a big sidetracked writing today. I have things to which I must attend….

Saturday Selfishness

Just finished to this.

It’s an interesting discussion, and goes to something that one of the shows I’ve been listening to is worried about…where companies providing credit are concerned more with lending standards based on odd factors.

Whatever.

Lenders should be able to do whatever they want to do. Government shouldn’t get involved with it at all.

Governments are not stakeholders. They might, now, be shareholders, due to the reckless monetary fiddling that’s been going on.

But when you try to do things you think are valuable to others at the point of a gun, you are an immoral person.

There was one guy I worked with who constantly would do unethical things in business, and justifying them by saying they’re not immoral.

I’m still completely befuddled as to how you could make such a justification. You have to live with what you did, and whatever mental anguish comes from those actions.

Tying it back to the discussion of the debate — regardless of whether you make a big profit, or lose money, you have to think about what harm your actions might have caused someone else.

I’m okay with most of the things I’ve done. I am confident that if someone examined how I’ve lived, most people would not take major issue with my choices. I do think that I’ll be rewarded for that, but I may never see it. I think that the people I love, and the people who care to ask me about it, share my view.

I’ve never set out to harm anyone.

Primum non nocere. If you don’t agree, that’s fine. You can leave. If I’m not wanted, I’ll do the same. *shrug*


I made it through the long week, and find myself ahead for all of my medical stuff towards the end of next week, as well as Monday of the following week.

Focus is fleeting now, so I’m going to stop.

Behind on Sunday

That’s not a good place to start the week, but that’s where I am.

My sense of dread for last week was sort of founded, but I did get through it.

The exercise goal was tough for a single day, mainly just because i forgot to do it in amidst the busy work obligations.

I did end up writing leet skriptz to do some things that are happening this week. We’ll see how well things work starting tomorrow.

So. What’s on tap for this week?

Well, I have a telehealth appointment early Monday morning, and a dental cleaning Wednesday after work.

Otherwise, it’s just a normal March week.

March often seems to me like the longest month. I can remember absolutely hating it when I was in school.

Thirty-one days. No holidays. Just an endless drone of school.

Since I’ve been older, it’s been better.

Obviously, there’s jubilation about St. Patrick’s Day. (Which I still maintain that if you’re going to go out, you should go to a Mexican joint…then go to the Irish joint on Cinco de Mayo….) Lent, too, which I really didn’t appreciate when I was younger. More below in the TOTW § below.

There is something about being in a routine to get your head straight. Maybe there’s no direct benefit, but these ritualized things that prepare you for whatever you’re doing.

I’m having flashbacks to Two-A-Days playing high school football.

Twice-daily practices in the hottest part of summer are awful.

You’re sore. You’re more exhausted than you’ve ever been.

But there’s something good that comes from all of it.

When you’re playing football, you’re in shape, and you know the playbook.

When you’re preparing for Easter, you’re setting your heart and mind for the teachings, and the things that faith informs.

But, with that, there’s things that I don’t know, and will never know.

And I can’t get to the place where I’ll ever get behind the concept that ritualistic preparation is the answer for salvation.

Or health. Look at the COVID prescriptions. You’ve got the prescriptions from The Elect who then, themselves, catch the virus.

Things change. If I was coaching football, I wouldn’t have folks running Oklahoma Drills, but…

On to the TOTW, because my focus is kind of off.


Theme of the week thing…

Theme of the Week 87 – What are some things you do simply because that is the path that is set out for you? Are those things really adding value to your life?

I wrote during NoJoMo about How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World.

I seem to remember him talking about mundane things you do every day that don’t necessarily bring you happiness, but you do them anyway.

One of the things he wrote about was brushing your teeth. It doesn’t really bring you joy or distress, but it’s something you need to do to be somewhat healthy.

Is that really a path set out for you? I don’t know.

I know that while I was younger, there were things I did just because my parents thought they were the right things for me to do.

Some of them worked. Others didn’t.

Some of them brought me joy, others were just kind of going through the routine for the sake of going through the routine.

The problem I find myself in now, however, is that few things I do actually bring me any joy these days.

And that’s part of the reason I’m seeing a psychologist.

Will I ever enjoy the “value” doing these things might bring to my life?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that my failure to do them would result in more displeasure than whatever joy I might find from just choosing not to do them.

Okay. I did that. Now what?

Oddly, part of the podcast I’m listening to right now is talking about the Ark of the Covalent.

There’s just things that you do. Maybe there’s no benefits that are tangible right now.

Maybe it’s just a part of human nature.

Any Given Sunday

I might write, just because there’s things that skip across my brain.

There’s been things floating around about student loan forgiveness.

First story from DDG News tab….

Elizabeth Warren is big on taxing wealth.

I would say do the student loan forgiveness in full for people who couldn’t finish their store-bought degrees.

For people who graduated, and I know Liz is big on wealth taxes, take the amount forgiven from the universities’ endowments.

There’s a lot of very wealthy people in higher ed who’ve given money to their alma maters. Take that. It’s money they’ve willingly given. The current student loan burden is there largely due to universities offering degrees that will never allow the students to earn enough to repay the price of those degrees. Take the money from them.

That is wealth that you can tax, Senator.

I will say that I have no idea what the tax implications will be for those whose loans are forgiven.

That is taxable income.

Circling Saturday

Busy week, but productive.

Obviously, the big news in my former world is the death of Rush Limbaugh.

As I aged, and was exposed to more information, his offerings became less pallatablle.

It happens.

I worked for one of his affiliates for nearly a decade. I’m still on good terms with the people I worked with there.

I’m pretty sure that it was while I was working there that I was fully-taught that on the air, you say “never a negative thought.”

It makes a difference to people who are listening. It’s something that’s been known for a long time.

When Daylight Savings Time begins or ends, you remind the listeners, “Remember to change your clocks before you go to bed.

Saying “don’t forget” is a negative thought.

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

Slight differences in language do make a difference.

That doesn’t translate well when you’re dealing with deeply-held political views in writing.

So when you start a broadcast/cable/podcast with a recession of an angry partisan screed, people switch away.

Your job is the get people to stick around long enough to listen to some commercials.

Otherwise, consuming your product is exhausting.

Even with draconian laws and regulations, you can leave.

That applies to things to which you’ve long had an allegiance.

It’s difficult, but sometimes it’s what you have to do.

There’s also no way to force people back into line; people have to want to be back consuming your offereiings.

And, as I wrote this, I took my own advice, and unsubscribed from that which I’d turned off Thursday.

It was tough, but it was something I needed to do.


So. What’s on tap for this week?

Another 10% increase in my exercise number. That’s for tomorrow, and I’m not particularly looking forward to it, but, again, doing what I need to do.

Keep the mailing lists up and running. Please subscribe to the ch-talk list. I gave access to someone else to help monitor the somewhat-tricky list daemon. (On an unrelated note, GNU apps don’t seem to always play nicely with the shitshow that is systemd…)

Some menial tracking stuff at work; I won’t elaborate.

Get through more of this that I’ve been listening to. Naturally, being the GenXer I am, I think about this.

Get my free Intertubes connection running. ComcatXfinity probably will try to shut it off, but I’m wondering if there’s something I can do with an IPSec tunnel to make it look like I’m working from home or something. I am a bit heartened that it appears the FCC isn’t going to be the disaster that it could be with the Democrats back in charge. I think this was something I meant to link the other day. If Government is the answer, you didn’t ask a good question.

I think I’ve written enough for the day. More as the inspiration strikes.