{"id":1827,"date":"2019-11-13T22:00:19","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T03:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/control-h.org\/wordpress\/?p=1763"},"modified":"2019-11-13T22:00:19","modified_gmt":"2019-11-14T03:00:19","slug":"thirteen-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/2019\/11\/13\/thirteen-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Thirteen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Write about your biggest fears (reach-back to 2010).<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

This is what I wrote back then:<\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n\n

Day 15 — Facing Fears – 11\/15\/2010<\/h2>\n\n\n

I am not a corageous person by any means. <\/p>\n\n\n

That said, I’ve had to face down many fears over the past year. I just can’t be afraid of little silly things anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n

For example, look at some of the later pictures in Day 13. I hate<\/em> needles. No tattoos or piercings here. Even more than that, no tracks on my arms\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n

But I have to take an injection every single damned day. Having the gun helps somewhat, as I don’t actually see the sharp until after I’m finished.<\/p>\n\n\n

I’m trying to come up with something else, but falling way short. There’s so many things I was uncomfortable about before that seem just nonsensical these days. And I have more than just me to worry about now. But I have someone with whom I can share those things. Never once has she ridiculed me, or thought I was being a baby. I don’t make this stuff up. Do I worry more than I ought to? Sure. Is that fear? I don’t know.<\/p>\n\n\n

But with that, and I’m not sure if this is fear or pride, I’m much less uncomfortable asking for help these days. I’m not Superman. There’s shit I can’t do. Maybe at one time I thought I could do most anything\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n

Fear of falling\u2026<\/em>
Fear of failure\u2026<\/em>
Fear of losing my hair\u2026<\/em>
I’ve got to get it together, man\u2026<\/em>
It hasn’t happened yet\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

\n\n\n

So much has changed in nine years.<\/p>\n\n\n

One of my biggest complaints nine years ago was about needles. Today, I don’t give a shit.<\/p>\n\n\n

Hurt me\/hurt me\/I know, right?\/as if!<\/p>\n\n\n

Thank you, Zappas.<\/p>\n\n\n

Anyway, I’m in a very strange place. It could be attributable to many things, but I rarely fear any consequences. Where I am now, certainly there’s things I’m concerned about, but I rarely get too wound-up about anything.<\/p>\n\n\n

Going back to the last, however, I know there’s a lout less I can do now than I could do then.<\/p>\n\n\n

Understanding my limitations, both physical and emotional, does definitely affect what I attempt. Back in 2010, I would have said I can’t run a marathon, but I could do a few miles. Now, I can barely walk a block. Consequently, I wouldn’t frustrate myself even planning to compete in a marathon. <\/p>\n\n\n

The past decade, however, I’ve dealt with prosperity, as well as incredible hardship. <\/p>\n\n\n

But I’ve survived.<\/p>\n\n\n

And don’t really think there’s anything I would enjoy. So I don’t want much, if anything. <\/p>\n\n\n

My wife’s family was asking what I might want for Christmas.<\/p>\n\n\n

Socks<\/a>. That’s about all I can think of. Seriously.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Write about your biggest fears (reach-back to 2010). This is what I wrote back then: Day 15 — Facing Fears – 11\/15\/2010 I am not a corageous person by any means. That said, I’ve had to face down many fears over the past year. I just can’t be afraid of little silly things anymore. For […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[26],"class_list":["post-1827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-national-journal-writers-month","tag-nojomo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1827","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1827"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1827\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1827"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1827"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1827"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}