{"id":4258,"date":"2023-08-14T13:38:12","date_gmt":"2023-08-14T18:38:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/?p=4258"},"modified":"2023-08-14T13:38:12","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T18:38:12","slug":"twenty-five-8-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/2023\/08\/14\/twenty-five-8-14\/","title":{"rendered":"Twenty-five (8\/14)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Really tacking back to pre-9\/11 entries to see where I was, mentally, back then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<pre class=\"wp-block-preformatted\">Holding Everything Together\nI sometimes wonder why, exactly, I\u2019m the only one I know who totally seems to have things together\u2026.why I don\u2019t have any devestating problems\u2026.why my issues are less significant than other people\u2019s. It all seems so improbable\u2026that I\u2019d make it this far without majorly fucking something up\u2026being in a situation where things have gone totally wrong, and there are questions about whether I\u2019d ever get out of the situation.\n\nAnd going back to my little advice problem (that it always seems like everyone I know is coming to me for advice, and I\u2019m never going to them\u2026that I\u2019m constantly solving problems, while never wanting to burden anyone with even the tiniest thing)\u2026.\n\nMaybe my time just hasn\u2019t come yet? What a dreadful thought. FUD speak. But then again, I can\u2019t foresee anything\u2026.\n\nConfused?\n\nYou bet.\n\nBut then again, I\u2019ve been shit on a fair amount. I can\u2019t imagine dealing with Spring \u201999 again. Hmm.\n\nOff in space\u2026excuse me.<\/pre>\n\n\n\n<p>Yep.  That&#8217;s pretty much me, still, even after all of my problems.  I try to help other people with their problems while acting like mine aren&#8217;t there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Was I having symptoms back then?  Um, yep.  You bet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>In a hall of mirrors where each mirror reflects a character trait, you see yourself as you really&nbsp;are.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;m trying to hide myself as best I can?  With that one, my oft-repeated mantra of &#8220;<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/control-h.org\/?s=%22You+Can+Leave%22\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/control-h.org\/?s=%22You+Can+Leave%22\" target=\"_blank\">you can leave<\/a>&#8221; is tougher.   Every attempt you make to disguise yourself gets tougher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe that has something to do with my odd attraction to houses with a basement?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you can&#8217;t leave, make yourself as invisible as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And my initial response is to say something about how I shouldn&#8217;t worry;  I&#8217;m not that interesting, anyway.  (Yes, doc, I know I&#8217;m not supposed to say things like htat..)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Oh well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Really tacking back to pre-9\/11 entries to see where I was, mentally, back then. Holding Everything Together I sometimes wonder why, exactly, I\u2019m the only one I know who totally seems to have things together\u2026.why I don\u2019t have any devestating problems\u2026.why my issues are less significant than other people\u2019s. It all seems so improbable\u2026that I\u2019d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-summer-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4258"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4258\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/control-h.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}