Author: sean

MYOFB - 3/11/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



I sometimes wonder why, exactly, it is that because I don't meet the standard expectations of a person my age, that people assume I'm unhappy.....

To get to closer to the point, Tinkerbell has taken it upon herself to set a deadline for me to spill my guts to unnamed woman I can't have right now, and don't really want, but am still attracted to....

The conversation goes sorta like this....

T:  "Have you told her that you like her?"
R:  "God, no.  I don't do that at all.  Period.  Even with the ones I can have."
T:  "Maybe if you did, you'd get one of them."
R:  "You might be right, but it's not how I work.  I'm not at all good at expressing feeling....much less at expressing feelings towards others."  (A side-note....if I pay even a bit of attention to someone, it generally means that I want to have contact with him/her.)
T:  "Well...."

I just do my own thing.  No, I'm not a warm person.  I understand that.  And, to me, involving someone else (even in a small way) in my life is a big deal.  I don't change my circle of friends very often.  Meeting new people takes alot out of me.  Pretending to be bright and sunny makes me feel like a whore (well, okay, bad example, but I can't think of anything that really works, otherwise).

I will deal with this situation when I'm able, and I want to.  I don't need people to set deadlines for me.  I don't need to be pushed.  If I choose not to act on it at all, all I ask is that they respect my decision.

And then her sister says she's gonna buy me a hooker for graduation.  

Maybe I'm just in a mood.  But I don't think meaningless, degrading sex would draw me out of it.  

And it's not like I couldn't get that free of charge, and with less risk of disease.

But it won't help.



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


It's easy to sit up in the bleachers and yell 'take a chance!', but the view is a lot different from down on the court.  
I don't know when I started using basketball metaphors to talk about romance, but you know what I mean.  
As far as prostitutes go, I never saw the appeal of having sex with someone when you know for a fact that they would rather be anywhere but there ~ [Katherine]  3/12/2002 9:56:41 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



I quit. - 3/13/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



"Everybody disagrees with me. I just need to remember that and act accordingly."

I said that entry before last, and it was proved once again yesterday.

On monday, I found out that one of the fraternities at Taliban State had been unceremoniously bounced off campus for good.  This is the second one in six months, and we're down to two frats.

"There's no witch hunt."

Yeah, sure.

Then I spent an hour yesterday trying to explain the docterine of prior restraint on speech and why our code is probably unconsitituional.  It didn't sway anyone.  We need censorship.  We're too unreliable to do anything for ourselves.  We need big brother to guide us.  

And so....realizing that I've gotten nothing accomplished in the two years I've been doing this, and that I won't get anything accomplished in the next six weeks....

I quit.  

It'll shock people.  This is a small campus, and I'm somewhat notorious.  And I'll just disappear back into the normal flow, just like I did for my first three years here.  It'll be better for me, anyway.  It suits me better.  I'm not an extroverted person.  In fact, I'm a selfish jerk.

And when I do something to try to help many, many people.....

I learn that altruism is now and always will be bullshit.

Don't sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.  You'll only die.

<i>I will not live my life for another man.....




Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


True altruism is entirely selfless- meaning that your feelings regarding the effects of your actions would be irrelevant to their continuance.  Not that I have even come close to knowing this from personal experience, plus, the few people I've seen approach it have usually gotten on my nerves.  Enjoying my cynicism ~ [Katherine]  3/13/2002 10:19:21 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



3/13/02 - 3/13/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



......and so it goes.  My friends aren't happy about my decision, but they respect it by and large.  Two of them basically implied that that they didn't know what they'd do without my lead.....

Really, though, I'm not cut out for politics.  I never have been.  Sure, I get off on it sometimes....it fascinates me.  Maybe I'd be effective being a campaigner, or a reporter, etc.  But I don't think I could work in the real world as the candidate.

<i>My great-grandmother said I'd grow up to be the president or the pope.</i>  I've already ruined my chances to be pope.  Though my dad maintains the vow of celibacy doesn't apply until you're ordained......rats.

Andrea Yates:

Did she kill her kids?  Yes, but that's not the issue.  The Texas def. of insanity is antiquated.  That woman is nuckin futs.  And so is her slimy hubby.

<b>I'm going to drink beer before work.</b>

Insomnia sucks.





Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


yea i agree insomnia blows goats [The Gecko]  3/14/2002 4:31:12 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



Idiocy - 3/14/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



A list...

1.  The nameless bureaucrat who approved the student visas for the terrorists.  <i>And people wonder why I advocate small government.</i>

2.  My new Comp Sci professor.  Not only are the woman's english skills deficient, she's a moron.  We had to grab some files from the main server for a "tutorial" we had to complete.  "The file you'll need for this one will be in such and such folder...."

All that was in that folder (which I'd downloaded to my floppy, like a good little student) was a zeo byte five alled "placeholder."  Hmmph.  Okay, so maybe I didn't transfer it correctly.  Try again.  Same thing....zero byte file called "placeholder."  

"Prof. so and so....it's till an empty file....and looks to be the same on the server."

telnet somehost.somedomain
cd /the/directory/in/question
ls

placeholder

hmmph....

vi placeholder

0 bytes

yep.  She didn't get it.

Number 3.....
our production weenie at the station left me some work to do.  They're new sptos coming in in mp2 forwat.  And he doesn't just save the files, open them in the expensive audio editing software, and save them as the correct format He wants me to dub them into an old Mac, then record them back onto the PC.  You lose two audio generations by doing that, but he's not smart enough to do it any other way.

I'm so tiiired.






===========================================================================



Favorite Child - 3/14/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



I guess I just wasn't paying attention....

I work at a group of four stations.  The one where I'm on the air most of the time is a 5 kW AM news/talk station.  I'm also on our sister 50 kW news/talk station, which is basically computer-run...totally automated.  I think there umm....seven hours a day, during the week, where there's somebody in the studio.

There are also two FM stations down the hall.  Both of these stations are 100 kW blowtorches; one of them has the best signal in the market, bar none.

The FM's are the favored children.  In the time I've been here, the AM stations have done consistantly better, especially the little one where I work, than the FM's.  In fact, both of the FM stations would have gone bust if it wasn't for us over here on the AM side earning money by the fistful (as if any of that ever trickles down to me...grr).

But one of these FM stations is the pet project of the owner.  And to be frank, there's no focus.  You'll hear one good song followed by about five bad ones.  Really obscure artists playing deep album cuts......lousy air talent, etc. etc.

In the last book, this 100 kW FM station only beat the automated AM by 0.2 of a point.  In the latest trends, they're <i>tied</i>.

Will we get credit?  No.  They'll just pump more money into this failed experiment.

tfffffftbt



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


that sucks [The Gecko]  3/14/2002 3:31:07 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know much about radio, but that isn't a lot of wattage for a radio station is it?  That's about all I know.  Doesn't sound like too pleasant of a thing.  . . [StarryStarry]  3/14/2002 4:07:31 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
thanks for forcing me to do math in the wee hours of the night since i have not the foggiest idea where a calculater could be, anyways your in norfolk virginia? if my calculations are off again look at the time by my note and you can see why =P [The Gecko]  3/14/2002 4:21:01 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



Annoying - 3/16/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



I have a cut on my right middle finger.  Doing anything is slightly painful.  This includes typing.

The odd thing is I don't know where/when I cut the damn thing, and from the size of it, it should have bled profusely.  You'd think one would remember something like that.  The only thing I can think of is that it's not a cut at all, but just a split from when I was hitting baseballs the other day....

Went to a party last night.  Met a chick.  Hit it off.  She's got a boyfriend.  Damnit.

Hardtop came off the Jeep yesterday, also.  I wouldn't have taken it off if my mother hadn't committed its use to this fscking parade she's organizing next week.  But driving around topless was fun.  Of course, it's going to get cold again.

*yawn*

I'm bored.  This is not good.






===========================================================================



Arrgh - 3/16/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



As if the annoying cut on my right middle finger wasn't enough....

I managed to slam the index finger in the window.  Now I've got a nice pinch mark (looks like a nice blister-type thing).

And it hurts like fsck.  And I'm back at work, again.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz






===========================================================================



Uber-geek - 3/17/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



I got my graphics card running dual-headed under X.  I am such a fucking geek.  IM windows in the right monitor, browser in the left.  Me in the middle grinning.

I've done little productive this weekend, and I'm proud of that.  It's raining outside....and I just don't care about anything.  :-)  I suppose that should be wrong.

This is what I put up on my AIM profile.....maybe it's telling.<hr>


To further explain.....

I am tired of the constant acrimony.  I'm tired of fighting the same battles over and over again.  I'm tired of always being the dissenter.

And most of all, I'm disappointed in myself that I haven't done anything to fix the problems I've pointed out.

All that said, I've gotten little help, and I see that most people don't care.  I shall leave them to deal with whatever comes to them.  They deserve it.  :-)

And I take my leave.  

And I've felt a whole lot better since I made this decision.  And as each day passes, it becomes more difficult to talk me out of it.






===========================================================================



Missing Out - 3/17/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



It seems like every time there's something fun going on, I have to work.

Every holiday, etc. etc. etc.

Can't stay out late friday nights because I have to be on the air at 5a on Saturday.

Can't go out saturday nights lately because I have to work.

Can't get drunk on monday nights because I'm too tired and afraid I'll be hungover for work.

blah blah blah blah

Goin' to see Tinkerbell.  She'll make me drink beer.

<i><b>Green Beer is a crime against nature.</i><b>

Mine will be kind of a brown colour.



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


Ick. Green beer...I agree, it's an affront to nature. Does it make your teeth green too? [ladykatia]  3/18/2002 9:57:50 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
overnights pretty much wreck your life, don't they.  i dated a dj for a long time, ran into the same problems. [beth]  3/20/2002 6:05:31 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



In a week - 3/20/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



Lots of things can change in a week.  Just when I thought everything I'd ever done to affect a change at the school was for naught....

I win.

Something I'd been fighting for, specifically, for the last year is passed, something that'd bothered me since I arrived at the school nearly five years ago.

And I totally didn't anticipate it.  I suppose it didn't happen for the right reasons (people arrived at the same conclusion by a different {and wrong} route).  I don't feel like such a failure.  But I'm still not satisfied.

On a related note...

Did anybody see the story about the meteor that narrowly missed us? <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/space/03/19/asteroid.blindside/index.html">Take a look.</a>

Shit!

We'd be totally fsck'd.  Of course, it's totally likely that it'd hit the water and nobody would notice (except for the poor sap in the tuna boat).

<i>I wish I had something to whine about.</i>

Snickers + Doritos + Coke = Dinner at work.

May need to modify that to add tums somewhere.....



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


hahaha . . . poor sap in the tuna boat.  Now that made me laugh.  You sound like a very healthy individual with the very nutritious dinner. [StarryStarry]  3/20/2002 2:41:51 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
i had no clue a meteor almost hit us.  Geez kind of scarey [Angelina.The.Great]  3/20/2002 10:45:10 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
congratulations on your success
snickers + doritos + coke = breakfast and lunch at school [Pretty Polly]  3/20/2002 2:25:59 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
ryn: I-264 can go to hell for all I care. [Angelina.The.Great]  3/21/2002 2:27:48 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



Dinner with "Friends" - 3/21/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



So, I went out to dinner with the Model UN guys, with whom I share an office at school.

The entire time they're trying to get me to pickup on the waitress.

I didn't bite....I don't do that, and well, she didn't do anything for me.

She's not unattractive, by any strech of the imagination, but just didn't do anything for me.

So, as we're leaving....on one of the credit card receipts...

"You're attractive.  555-1212"

With my real number, of course.

Watch her call.

Jeeze.



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


Of course she'll call, it's always the ones you regret giving your number too that follow through.  Damn Murphy's Law  ~ [Katherine]  3/22/2002 9:17:27 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course she'll call; it's always the ones you regret giving your number to that do.  Damn Murphy's Law.  
 [Katherine]  3/22/2002 9:22:16 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



Weakness - 3/22/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



One of my weaknesses has returned with lately....

Chili Dogs.

I now present my primer on what is a good Chili Dog.

Correct preparation of the hotdog....there are only two acceptable ways to prepare a hotdog:  boiling or grilling.  Roasting yields a dry, rubbery dog.  Boiling is best, so long as the dogs aren't left in the water too long.  Grilling is good, so long as they're not burned as so many are apt to do.  The type of dog is really unimportant, except turkey franks are out.  Those, like green beer, are a crime against nature.  Also out are veggie dogs.  Despite my time as a vegetarian, I never could warm to those ghastly grey objects.  I generally like Oscar Meyer all-beef franks.  Standard Ball Park franks are good, too.

The chili....you don't use homemade chili on a hotdog.  Chili on a hotdog is only to provide flavour, and dispose of otherwise inedible chili.  In other words, use the cheapest canned chili you can find.  If you're loading up with nitrites, might as well go all out.  Yes, I know it will store forever, and then you'll never have to use it.  I normally go with Hormel, which really is awful chili.  Also, the chili should be the variety without beans.  When you're ingesting such a noxious combination of food into your body, you don't need the spectre of gas to complicate matters.  In any event, the application of chili should not be so much that you've got to use a fork to eat the dog.  Hotdogs are finger food.  Eating one with a fork is sacrosanct.

Mustard....Don't skimp on the mustard.  Use a high quality mustard, but nothing fancy.  Go with the French's over the store brand, but don't reach for the five dollar bottle of sandwich mustard.  

Onions....freshly chopped, and <i>finely</i> chopped.  These should be cubed, no bigger than a quarter inch on a side.  Sprinkle over the top.

Other variations.....you can add cheese, but it has to be of the melted type.  Cheap cheddar, or Nacho are acceptable.  As with the chili, it should not make the hotdog require a fork to eat.  American cheese is just wrong.

A steady diet of these will probably kill you by forty.  So enjoy yourself carefully.  I normally accompany mine with a cold Budweiser and a cigarette.  Your milage may vary.



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


you really did describe the best chili dog--damn now i want one. 

and I agree about tofu dogs. bleeech. [Pretty Polly]  3/22/2002 9:53:12 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh lord, my cholesterol went up two notches just reading this. [ladykatia]  3/24/2002 9:28:38 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



===========================================================================



Geek - 3/27/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



I bought a notebook.

I so suck.  But now I can type diary entries while lying in bed.  <font color=black>And look at other things.  ;-)






===========================================================================



Absolutely Bill's Mood - 3/31/2002
---------------------------------------------------------------------------



So, it's been an interesting week.  One of my acquaintances from school ended up in the shrink's office.

Just one of those things.  But then, I always knew he was nuckin futs.  

I've decided I really need to get out of town for a couple of days.  I probably won't, but I need to.  If I had some more money, I'd go to Atlantic City.  

Drunken stupor for two days....yeah, that's what I'm talking about.  Although heading across the CBBT with a hangover would suck....I mean, where can you pull over when you need to puke?

There's this commercial that the IRS has been running....you can't hear it over the air, but with the nice clean network feed, you can hear the spit moving around in her mouth.  Little smacks and clicks when talking.

That is so disgusting.  We've got a guy here who sounds like that. 

I should have brought beer with me to work.



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


I love Atlantic City--it's so much fun. [Pretty Polly]  3/31/2002 12:13:33 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
See, that's why I like my job so much, the beer's already there. [Katherine]  4/1/2002 9:36:00 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

SAINTS WIN!!!



SAINTS WIN!!!



NO MORE AIN'TS!!!



SAINTS WIN!!!



So long, Rams.  :-)



After 33 years, it's about damn time.



SAINTS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


Congratulations :o) [algoRhythm]  12/30/2000 8:08:38 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know!  I can't freakin believe it!  Who would have ever thought we woulda won a championship game?!  Now, we'll just see how far they can get. [KatieJD]  12/30/2000 8:10:50 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forget the water, food, and batteries.

My inventory is as follows:

A box of Macanudos

Three bottles of Glen Livet

Fried Cheese

Just kidding.

Cheesy '70s tune off Supertramp's 1979 LP, "Breakfast in America."

There's a line in that song that sort of speaks to me, but at the same time, doesn't.

"At night, when all the world's asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man."

But for me, in my situation, these thoughts I have are not deep.  This is worsened by the fact that I'm at work.  But I seem to be blocked lately.  I don't have any deep questions.  In fact, I'm about as deep as a Spice Girls song (I apologize in advance, you SG fans.  I don't dislike them, really.).

Blah.  I can't think of anything to think about.  So I fret, and I think about things that maybe I shouldn't think about.  And I drive myself to distraction over meaningless issues.  What's even more troubling is that I could do most of my work without thinking.  What's sapping my brain?



Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------


are you going to tell us about your date? [amifly]  9/13/1999 10:55:30 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When and if it happens....she hasn’t responded to my phone messages and e-mails yet.  But I’ll let you know. [radiojerk]  9/13/1999 1:23:30 PM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------