^H

Weekend news leads me to even more, and I can’t even find the appropriate word. “Disgust” doesn’t even fit.

All y’all are worthless. You’ve created huge problems. No, you have no idea how to fix it, and are more concerned about owning the other side.

Listening to something besides the most-deranged pipe dream is unthinkable. And, if someone isn’t 100000000000% on board, he’s a MAGA.

Um, no. What I think, and what I’ve written is there for the consumption. But I’m not participating. Or being cordial.

I did have something I was going to try to sample from very, very old OD writing, but it’s proving more difficult than I’d like. This is a Y2K survey I’d cobbled together.

Given that basically nobody real is reading this, I’m not going to give a clean list for copypasta. If you happen to want to read, and want to try to take it yourself, you can do that.

Questions about alcohol:

• Last time you were drunk: Probably last summer after I tried to finish off a bottle. It hit me hard.
• Poison: Kind of whatever. Mainly gin.
• Fave drink: Probably G&T
• Last time you were drunk on fave drink: I don’t know. Never? It’s not something you drink to get drunk.
• Last time drinking made you drive the porcelain Buick: Almost twenty years ago, maybe? I was mixing Martinis alone, but, while I had the proportions right, the entire thing was way too big.
• Last time drinking made you not make it to the porcelain Buick: I don’t ever remember doing that.
• Margaritas–frozen or on the rocks: OTR
• Margaritas–salt oder nein: Yes, salt.
• Beer–Best: I don’t know. Proximal drinking is a thing. Port City Brewing Co. isn’t far away. I like their Porter, and a couple of others. But there’s been articles lately over at Numlock.news that have me rethinking a lot about beer. There’s not many you drink just for taste. When they’re accompaniments for food, the beer doesn’t make it or break it. I think the example I used was whether there was some difference between a homebrewed IPA with special hops, etc., and a Sierra Nevada. Do you really remember the difference? Is that hotdog at a ballgame really different because you had a Miller Lite versus a Bud Light?
• Beer–Worst: Similar to above answers. Was the stuff I had in New Orleans at an Oktoberfest celebration that bad just because of the beer, or was it the strange sauteed peppers resembling something you’d find on a fajita platter? Or was it because the beer had been brewed with New Orleans city water?
  **Have you consumed the following ghetto drinks:**
• MadDog 20/20: Yes.
• Boone’s Farm: Yes
• Ripple: I don’t remember.
• Thunderbird: Yes
• Malt Liquor: Yes? I still want a 40 of OE800.
• Moonshine: Yes.
• Wine Coolers: Blast from the past on that one….but, yes.
• Zima: When they reintroduced it, yes. The modern hard seltzers are better.
  **Tobacco**
• Do you smoke cigarettes: Not anymore.
• Brand: N/A
• Cigars: I haven’t had one since probably about 2008.
• Brand: I haven’t had one since probably about 2008
• Number of ashtrays in your house/flat/tenament/trailer/cardboard box/parkbench: This one is really a question that’s not survived the test of time. I can’t even smoke inside where I live. I don’t know if I can even have a cigar inside the complex.
• Pipe: Have taken drags in the past, but never used one regularly. Or even
• Fave pipe tobacco: See above.
• Ever chewed snuff: No.
• Ever actually snuffed snuff: No.
• Ever chewed Long Cut: No.
• Ever chewed plug: No.
• Did you puke the first time you chewed: No.
  **Firearms** (Snobby brits and auzzies just skip this section….you can’t have firearms. It’s nice living in a place with no absolute rights, huh?)
• Do you own any: No. I don’t think it’d be safe for me to use one, additionally.
• What’s your fave in your collection: N/A.
• Do you have a placard on your truck that reads “Driver carries at least $20 in ammo.”: No, and this is another thing from the past…
• Number of shotguns in your gunrack in said truck: Zero.
• Do you think a gun shop in the East End of Newport News is a good business opportunity: Nah. The number of sales would be very small, and why buy from a legit store when you can get it cheaper on the street.
  **Motoring**
• What hydrocarbon powered vehicles do you own: I don’t? I think I’m actually on the title of my wife’s car, and the insurance policy is the account I opened in whatever it was…2006?
• From whom did you buy it: We bought my wife’s car from a dealer in Tidewater. I don’t remember which.
• Is it a Ford: Nope.
• If so, is it green: N/A
• Brand of tires: I don’t have a car. I have no idea what’s on my wife’s.
• Where you normally get petrol/gas: Again, I don’t have a car.
• Stick or automatic: No car. But I never owned an automatic.
  **Sex**
• Have you had sex: I’ve been with the same woman for more than twenty years. Yes, I think it’d be pretty safe to assume that that’s happened.
• What’s your magic number: Unchanged since 2006.
• When was the last time you had sex: Not sayin’.
• Was it good: Not sayin’.
• Has it ever been good: Yes.
• What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done: None of your business.
• Make an inventory of your sex toys: None of your business.
• Number of times a day you masturbate: None of your business.
• Does this number vary with the frequency of sex: None of your business.
• What does your mother know of your sex life: Odd question given that I’ve been with the same woman for more than twenty years. I think when she was kind of with it, she probably knew a few things, but it was never something we discussed. Unfortunately, now, I’m not sure she even knows my wife, or my brother’s wife.
  **Food**
• Have you ever thought about food while having sex: I don’t think so.
• Have you ever used food for sex: Not saying.
• What’s your favorite food: i don’t even know at this point.
• Do you think there should be litigation against the fast food restaurants like the tobacco companies: Haha. This is another one of the things that really hasn’t aged well. But, back then, they were really big on the fat-is-bad thing. Snackwells were a big thing back then.
• Do you eat at French Restaurants: Not often, but I don’t eat out hardly ever.
• What’s wrong with you: So many things.
• What did you eat last: A protein bar.
• Did you cook it: Nope.
• How bad is the heartburn: The meds to fight acid are so much better these days.

Okay. That’s enough for today. Early afternoon MRI. Party.

The disjointed few days are well-underway. Oral surgery here in a few, then MS stuff (scans, including MRIs) tomorrow. I will be happy when it’s over.

What’s something I’d do if fear wasn’t in the way?

Geez. I really don’t know. Is reticence fear? And is it ever really “in the way?”

These things do fit in with the prompt about optimism versus pessimism from a few days ago; I guess I understand what the prompts’ author was trying to evoke.

I know that there was recently someone who tried to speak eloquently about being unburdened by what has been. (Guess that explains why the Federal Debt has tripled since Dubya left office…)

No, things that went wrong in the past are what prevent you from repeating the same mistakes.

Socialism will totally work if we prepend “Democratic” to it.

Whether or not you believe the scholars who’ve done research into this is irrelevant. Humans act predictably. Nations act predictably. Chemistry acts predictably. If I put a bottle of water in my 20F appliance in the kitchen, the contents will turn into a solid so long as the appliance is working, and the electricity is on.

Even if a plurality of the people are against that.

Apple Books decided I should buy Kat Rosenfield’s How To Survive In the Woods. I’m only a bit in, but my wife noticed I was looking for the link

“Where Is It?!”
It might be in the shared library on Apple Books

After fumbling around, I think I found it and sent it to her, but she’s sleeping.

We’ll see how it turns out.

I don’t think I’m really the demo, but her descriptions are interesting. She also pops in and out on some of my other sources. I did like her recent piece on Sophie Cunningham. And her takes on Graham Planter. And contraception, how Mean Girls gave really bad information about many, many things.

There are many reasons to subscribe to The Free Press, and Kat’s writing is just one of them.

So, what’s on tap for the next few days? Medical stuff tomorrow and Monday then basically a week free. That freedom could be interrupted; the PT folks could find an opening. Boo! Also, Ow! It’s also supposed to get uncomfortably-hot again for a few days. Nice things? Yeah, you’re not allowed to have them.

---

On to a prompt….

What’s a life I dream of living but haven’t said out loud yet?

Huh? I think the OCR botched this one, too. Or maybe not; I think I understand what it’s trying to get at. Is there a lifestyle I’d be excited about living, but haven’t communicated.

Nothing I can think of, really. You play the hand you’re dealt. Obviously I didn’t have any athletic prowess. I was never particularly tall. I’ve often been overweight. I have comically-short legs; my wife and I have the same inseam, though I’m several inches taller.

I loved working in radio. Even there, however, my symptoms were starting to affect my speech. I left probably near the peak of the industry, and it’s been very tough since the Real Estate bubble burst, taking a significant portion of ad revenue with it.

Could I have worked in law? Sure. But the timeline for doing that was tough, and I probably wouldn’t have paid off my loans by the time my health really started failing. I also wouldn’t have met Sarah..

But I wouldn’t have hidden any of my desires. They aren’t anything to keep hidden to myself; so why would I?

Where does my MTV-formed brain go?

I think I’ve written enough for the day.

Yesterday was, um, interesting.

Bunch of details about what I watched omitted for brevity, but Fauci deserves a place in history alongside other notable bad actors. There was one comparing him to Jim Jones. Jones had to go to Guyana, not stay in his mansion in MoCo.

I thought I might have written something with my inclinations that Fauci, et. al. should be tried at The Hague.

Yeah, I know that would have never happened, and it’s irrelevant now that the US has pulled out of those agreements.

---

Viewing was interrupted by a physical therapy session. I think it’s actually working.

Hand-in-hand with doctors finding ways to take care of me is the realization that, no, I didn’t bring this stuff on myself. I didn’t get MS because of a personal moral failing.

I did things to try and cover up very real physical effects, and those have had negative effects on my life.

…just imagine you’d had a normal life!

No. Why would I waste time on that?

I muscled through until I couldn’t any more.

---

Yeah, I planned to do more in the pursuit of getting squared-away for the rest of this streak, but I didn’t get there.

So scanned prompts…

What does ‘healing’ look like for me right now?

Is it rest, movement, letting go, or something else entirely?

This was an interesting case of the scanner picking up something different. The OCR registered this as ‘bearing.’

Even checking visually, I guess I can understand why it said that; weird font.

To answer the question, though, it’s really learning to accept my imperfections, and stop trying to appear perfectly put-together. You’re not okay. And it’s probably not because of anything you did. Or anything anybody else did.

This morning started with discovering Russ Roberts’s Substack.

Specifically, I was very enthused by this article.

Socialism will work this time if it’s Democratic. I don’t think so. Zoran’s city-owned grocery stores will have bare shelves about as fast as you can blink.

The free buses will never be on time, so people will go to whatever the new state industry comes up with as a modern Trabant.

But it’ll be all-electric! Please pay no attention to the fact that there’s no electricity coming from the wall socket; it’d be there if it wasn’t for that damn data center.

No kidding. This is the line of thinking I’m seeing among some sorta-amenable to every aspect of life being controlled by the state. If something goes wrong, it must be because someone disrupted the perfect public planning.

Or it could be because it’s freakin’ hot outside, and the air conditioners are running at full load, which they wouldn’t have to do if we’d get serious about addressing the climate crisis.

Okay, then.

---

I had this today listed as a free-write

No, I just did that. Well, it seems that way.

So scanned prompts.

Where do I feel most like myself?

Hmm. Do I really ever feel like myself anymore? The sorts of things I used to do, but can’t now.

I am pretty solitary so maybe there are not many difference. I sometimes enjoy being around people, but, generally, it’s few I’ve chosen to be around.

And, even then, I tend to go at my own plodding pace. If I miss out on the oh-so-super exciting event, whatever.

What environments or people bring that version of me forward?

I don’t know? I really don’t like to feel like I’m putting on a show. Especially emotionally. There’s only a few people who care to look at what I am, what I actually think.

But my patience is fleeting. If I don’t like the crowd you’re with, that’s generally fine if I can go somewhere else.

You know how I know you’re a Nazi? (I don’t want to impose on others; totes something the Third Reich held dear…)

How can I spend more time there?

Again, my physical ability to spend much time anywhere is limited. If I feel okay, and am not seeking the exits, I’ll stick around if I’ve gotten there without too much effort.

That so much effort is required for most things makes it incredibly difficult.

---

I should probably check in on the rest of the month’s prompts. Maybe this afternoon.

I started hammering away on this while I was listening to No Agenda in the second post-JCD show.

I suppose JCD’s absence is the overriding issue with No Agenda. But, there, the system can continue. Maybe it’ll be different, either subtly or not.

But that brings me back to politics, and everything surrounding President Trump.

I don’t care about him.
I never voted for him, and think he’s awful for myriad reasons.

That doesn’t mean your stooge is better.

I’m having flashbacks to how the neurologist who diagnosed me with MS controlled the conversation.

Don’t get distracted; how is what you’re guy’s planning to do going to fix things?

I think this is the posture I’m going to take towards everything.

I never voted for Trump. How is your guy going to fix things? Specifics. How long until the budget deficit is gone?
How much sill be shaved off the Federal Debt in each of the following years?

No, I’m not going to talk about anything else; I don’t care. How does your guy’s thing work?

So, the parts I wrote yesterday still stick. I was working through it over iMessage with my oldest friend; maybe a sort of conversational stipulation. You think Trump is horrible. So do I. You agree that because I didn’t, and never would vote for him, that we don’t bring him up in the conversation.

And if you do, the conversation is over.

---

Today’s flashback to 2000, when I’d picked my oldest friend up from BWI to go home to Tidewater.

---

1.  BWI is nowhere close to DC, unlike their ads say.
2.  The People's Republic of Maryland still sucks ass.

He was amazed to see rain for the first time in six months.  I don't think I've ever been that long without it.  I'd go totally freakin' nuts if I did.

Yeah, I used People’s Republic of Maryland for a long time, but I think Maryland Democratic Republic (MDDR) was, and still is, more accurate. There’s lots of proposed policies that would have had similar levels of support in East Germany.

As for BWI’s proximity, it’s still in the middle of nowhere, even though I now live inside The Beltway. *checks map distance* Yeah, BWI is about twenty files farther, but would take probably 45 minutes longer by car than to Dulles. (And, from where I live, DCA is about ten minutes….)

Back to the snide comments about East Germany. I don’t remember if I ever went to East Germany, but I did go to The Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Hungary not long after The Wall fell.

They weren’t anything towards which someone should aspire. Dirty. Ugly. Unsafe. Bubuhbut TRUMP’S ARCH AT ARLINGTON.

Yeah, I don’t really like it, and wonder why the hell they’re spending money on it when the country is broke as hell, but that’s only a small portion of the much larger problems.

Lots of thoughts this morning about anticipation.

My vintage comes out with the earworms.

But the anticipation surrounds flying, how this new arrangement is going to work out.

I’m not waiting my whole damn life to take the flight, but….

I’m hoping this new arrangements will work well.. Eying a Sunday through the next Tuesday trip. Comfortable ride from DC to NOLA, then a nice ride from NOLA to Biloxi.

But if you never look forward to anything, you’re never disappointed, Sport.

So Gen X it’s painful sometimes. Whatever.

But on all this, I should look harder, too, into how much the fancier rides from MSY would be..

Hmm. Yeah, it’d all come out in the wash if you consider time saved, stress, etc.

A certain phrase circles my scarred brain; “just do it.”

There I go again.

Other things swirling around my thoughts. This from Kat Rosefield over at TheFP. Yes, I made her the Jewish “Rosenfeld” at first draft. Unintentional. Or was it?

Interesting intersections with my own experience.

Also following the Iran stuff. I guess a tanker hit a mine in the Strait of Hormuz.

But to keep it from happening again, we should totally make a deal with the people who set the mine after killing a ton of their own people. Not doing that makes it a War of Choice.

.

I’m sorry, but channeling mainstream Democrat talking points on this is almost impossile.

I include JDVP there, too, but he would have been a Democrat in 2006.

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I was supposed to free-write today, but I did that yesterday. So new prompts scanned…

What practices help me stay connected to a sense of purpose?

Um. Considering that I’m feeding one of the few compulsions I have in my case of OCD, I don’t know that there’s anything in particular that helps. I’ve been encouraged, and “encouraged” might not be a good word for it, to try to do things that deviate from usual “practices.”

Even this, which I’m not supposed to be doing, tends to fall into a predictable pattern. It’s not good for me, but it’s something to which I become quickly accustomed.

How can I make more space for them in my life?

See above. I’ve been encouraged to do something different, yet here I am.

*checks calendar*

Yeah, I might get bitched atchided. I also do bite my nails from time to time; something else I’m not supposed to be doing.

More tomorrow.