^H

Interesting day yesterday and today. Lots of content about fun with the healthcare system. I have an antibiotic I was prescribed Sunday, but it’s taken me until Wednesday to get it filled. It’s just another Z-Pack. Why this couldn’t be sent over is beyond me. That the pharmacy we’ve been using only has 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. pharmacy hours is similarly-irritating. Yes, it’s nice that the ubiquity of records sharing has freed up some things.

So. Five days of doing something I’d already done. Whatever.

Yesterday’s electoral weren’t really surprising, I guess. Don Beyer Volvo survived his primary against another four Democrats. Even though he didn’t vote to release the full police files of the Epstein conspiracy, there’s many other reasons to vote against him. I was a little intrigued by someone from my wife’s alma mater, but I didn’t get the absentee ballot filled out, and then he lost me with an answer to a question posed to him on WJLA over the weekend.

Oh well.

That, along with the discussion on WTF this morning where one of the hosts was trying to trace his family from Italy. The more I learn about my parents’ backgrounds, the less I know. And I think that they kind of wanted it that way.

My parents left South Landmass during the nastier parts of Jim Crow. The prospect of Vietnam looked better. And, so, nearly twenty-five years later, we all wound up in Virginia.

But I can’t trace my roots back to Jamestown. As far as I can tell, nobody in my family owned slaves. There weren’t many slaveholders in Cajun country on my dad’s side. New Orleans was held by the Union for most of The War. My mother’s family had fled to the not-so-great Mississippi after not finding much success in South Carolina and Georgia. One of the male ancestors died in the Civil War after he’d gone back to fight for Georgia.

I refuse to be a proud member of the Party of Harry Byrd.

Do I even really have a home?

Eli Lake had a pretty good take on the leftists’ wins yesterday. I really don’t know what more to say to the people who won. Your nutty ideas wouldn’t have worked, but the failure should be more spectacular with the last quarter-century of irresponsible governance.

Shoot me if you can find the bullets. Please try to have the cameras rolling so your evil is captured for posterity.

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So, prompts before I draw this out too much longer.

I felt proud of myself and why?

I didn’t get what I have through force or fraud. I’ve also dealt with the bad breaks inflicted by my out-of-control immune system. If you don’t think that’s valuable, fine. I’m the one who has to deal with my reality.

How can I carry that confidence into new situations?

My self-confidence is pretty small, and it’s been that way much of my life. That I’ve spent so much time adjusting for my body’s failings hasn’t buoyed it any.

I suppose the therapy I’ve been in for the past few years has helped me realize that, no, I won’t be judged as harshly as I worried for my body’s failings. Am I getting better at letting it slide? Yes, but it’s a constant struggle.

Halfway through, I think.

Interesting day yesterday. I played around with a few things at home, then off to DC for my first MRI of the study. The hospital staff shuffled me off into the MRI facility inside the hospital, and there wasn’t an appointment for me. No, you’re getting your scan over at the Med School’s facility. (Several buildings away)

But got in, and started working through the paperwork with the staff. One person helped me fill the paperwork because I don’t see and write well.

Then another person comes to ask me the same questions, reading off what’d been filled.

Then a third to ask all again to see if I give any different answers.

Finally they take me back to the prep to go into the tube.

They were going to do the contrast dye on me for the study. I haven’t had it in a few years following concerns about the dye, itself.

Don’t you normally do the dye infusion after the first scan?
Yes, but we like to get the IV put in before we start.
Um. Okay.

Which arm do you want?
Don’t care.

What ensued was twenty minutes of them trying to find a vein that’d work.
Call the CRU to get the vein finder!
Uh, they’re closing. Let me call.
Nah, they’re done for the day.

Wait.

We’re not going to be able to get this done today.

Um. Okay, I guess?

So leave thirty minutes late with a few band aids on my arms, and a promise that they’ll reschedule me for as soon as they can.

The multiple reviews, however, show exactly why I’m not worried about AI invading and taking over the world. The segregation of duties might seem kind of onerous, but they’re there to protect the patients, and the facility. (In this case, the Georgetown Medical School.)

UltraGrok was gonna totally destroy the world, but Rich from corporate ethics didn’t get back from his lunch in time.

Those responsibility segregations do work. So, too, do things like hardware tokens, and timeouts.

While I still want to beat the people who start sentences with, “As an Information Security Professional,” the work they’ve done over the past fifteen years or so has helped a lot.

Newer concepts like “Zero Trust” really rely on the sort of measures users, and especially middle managers find annoying.

As annoying as the fact that there’s no more Dodge Stratus? We’ll never know.

You, know, the sorts of folks who build productive careers in government, in Minnesota.

Sure, they might be incompetent assholes, but they’re good public servants, and they took the jobs because they were promised largesse until they finally die at 75.

Meanwhile, the Democrat Party is getting taken over by really radical forces.

Michael Malice linked this from big corporate media on his Locals site..He was born in the Soviet Union; his parents brought him to the US when he was something like two years old. He’s been to North Korea.

You can prepend Democratic to Socialism, but Socialism is still a step towards the loss of all individual freedom on the way towards the inevitable Communist utopia.

For those of you in the Party of Nathan Bedford Forrest, understand that if you work with these people, I will never vote for you. Or respect you. And I’ll do everything I can to avoid doing business with you.

So, prompt….

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What makes me feel unstoppable?

*chuckle* Uh, nothing? My immune system’s war on my nervous system has really taken a toll on me. But even before they figured out what’s wrong with me, I don’t force things. I just leave.

Weekend news leads me to even more, and I can’t even find the appropriate word. “Disgust” doesn’t even fit.

All y’all are worthless. You’ve created huge problems. No, you have no idea how to fix it, and are more concerned about owning the other side.

Listening to something besides the most-deranged pipe dream is unthinkable. And, if someone isn’t 100000000000% on board, he’s a MAGA.

Um, no. What I think, and what I’ve written is there for the consumption. But I’m not participating. Or being cordial.

I did have something I was going to try to sample from very, very old OD writing, but it’s proving more difficult than I’d like. This is a Y2K survey I’d cobbled together.

Given that basically nobody real is reading this, I’m not going to give a clean list for copypasta. If you happen to want to read, and want to try to take it yourself, you can do that.

Questions about alcohol:

• Last time you were drunk: Probably last summer after I tried to finish off a bottle. It hit me hard.
• Poison: Kind of whatever. Mainly gin.
• Fave drink: Probably G&T
• Last time you were drunk on fave drink: I don’t know. Never? It’s not something you drink to get drunk.
• Last time drinking made you drive the porcelain Buick: Almost twenty years ago, maybe? I was mixing Martinis alone, but, while I had the proportions right, the entire thing was way too big.
• Last time drinking made you not make it to the porcelain Buick: I don’t ever remember doing that.
• Margaritas–frozen or on the rocks: OTR
• Margaritas–salt oder nein: Yes, salt.
• Beer–Best: I don’t know. Proximal drinking is a thing. Port City Brewing Co. isn’t far away. I like their Porter, and a couple of others. But there’s been articles lately over at Numlock.news that have me rethinking a lot about beer. There’s not many you drink just for taste. When they’re accompaniments for food, the beer doesn’t make it or break it. I think the example I used was whether there was some difference between a homebrewed IPA with special hops, etc., and a Sierra Nevada. Do you really remember the difference? Is that hotdog at a ballgame really different because you had a Miller Lite versus a Bud Light?
• Beer–Worst: Similar to above answers. Was the stuff I had in New Orleans at an Oktoberfest celebration that bad just because of the beer, or was it the strange sauteed peppers resembling something you’d find on a fajita platter? Or was it because the beer had been brewed with New Orleans city water?
  **Have you consumed the following ghetto drinks:**
• MadDog 20/20: Yes.
• Boone’s Farm: Yes
• Ripple: I don’t remember.
• Thunderbird: Yes
• Malt Liquor: Yes? I still want a 40 of OE800.
• Moonshine: Yes.
• Wine Coolers: Blast from the past on that one….but, yes.
• Zima: When they reintroduced it, yes. The modern hard seltzers are better.
  **Tobacco**
• Do you smoke cigarettes: Not anymore.
• Brand: N/A
• Cigars: I haven’t had one since probably about 2008.
• Brand: I haven’t had one since probably about 2008
• Number of ashtrays in your house/flat/tenament/trailer/cardboard box/parkbench: This one is really a question that’s not survived the test of time. I can’t even smoke inside where I live. I don’t know if I can even have a cigar inside the complex.
• Pipe: Have taken drags in the past, but never used one regularly. Or even
• Fave pipe tobacco: See above.
• Ever chewed snuff: No.
• Ever actually snuffed snuff: No.
• Ever chewed Long Cut: No.
• Ever chewed plug: No.
• Did you puke the first time you chewed: No.
  **Firearms** (Snobby brits and auzzies just skip this section….you can’t have firearms. It’s nice living in a place with no absolute rights, huh?)
• Do you own any: No. I don’t think it’d be safe for me to use one, additionally.
• What’s your fave in your collection: N/A.
• Do you have a placard on your truck that reads “Driver carries at least $20 in ammo.”: No, and this is another thing from the past…
• Number of shotguns in your gunrack in said truck: Zero.
• Do you think a gun shop in the East End of Newport News is a good business opportunity: Nah. The number of sales would be very small, and why buy from a legit store when you can get it cheaper on the street.
  **Motoring**
• What hydrocarbon powered vehicles do you own: I don’t? I think I’m actually on the title of my wife’s car, and the insurance policy is the account I opened in whatever it was…2006?
• From whom did you buy it: We bought my wife’s car from a dealer in Tidewater. I don’t remember which.
• Is it a Ford: Nope.
• If so, is it green: N/A
• Brand of tires: I don’t have a car. I have no idea what’s on my wife’s.
• Where you normally get petrol/gas: Again, I don’t have a car.
• Stick or automatic: No car. But I never owned an automatic.
  **Sex**
• Have you had sex: I’ve been with the same woman for more than twenty years. Yes, I think it’d be pretty safe to assume that that’s happened.
• What’s your magic number: Unchanged since 2006.
• When was the last time you had sex: Not sayin’.
• Was it good: Not sayin’.
• Has it ever been good: Yes.
• What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done: None of your business.
• Make an inventory of your sex toys: None of your business.
• Number of times a day you masturbate: None of your business.
• Does this number vary with the frequency of sex: None of your business.
• What does your mother know of your sex life: Odd question given that I’ve been with the same woman for more than twenty years. I think when she was kind of with it, she probably knew a few things, but it was never something we discussed. Unfortunately, now, I’m not sure she even knows my wife, or my brother’s wife.
  **Food**
• Have you ever thought about food while having sex: I don’t think so.
• Have you ever used food for sex: Not saying.
• What’s your favorite food: i don’t even know at this point.
• Do you think there should be litigation against the fast food restaurants like the tobacco companies: Haha. This is another one of the things that really hasn’t aged well. But, back then, they were really big on the fat-is-bad thing. Snackwells were a big thing back then.
• Do you eat at French Restaurants: Not often, but I don’t eat out hardly ever.
• What’s wrong with you: So many things.
• What did you eat last: A protein bar.
• Did you cook it: Nope.
• How bad is the heartburn: The meds to fight acid are so much better these days.

Okay. That’s enough for today. Early afternoon MRI. Party.

The disjointed few days are well-underway. Oral surgery here in a few, then MS stuff (scans, including MRIs) tomorrow. I will be happy when it’s over.

What’s something I’d do if fear wasn’t in the way?

Geez. I really don’t know. Is reticence fear? And is it ever really “in the way?”

These things do fit in with the prompt about optimism versus pessimism from a few days ago; I guess I understand what the prompts’ author was trying to evoke.

I know that there was recently someone who tried to speak eloquently about being unburdened by what has been. (Guess that explains why the Federal Debt has tripled since Dubya left office…)

No, things that went wrong in the past are what prevent you from repeating the same mistakes.

Socialism will totally work if we prepend “Democratic” to it.

Whether or not you believe the scholars who’ve done research into this is irrelevant. Humans act predictably. Nations act predictably. Chemistry acts predictably. If I put a bottle of water in my 20F appliance in the kitchen, the contents will turn into a solid so long as the appliance is working, and the electricity is on.

Even if a plurality of the people are against that.

Apple Books decided I should buy Kat Rosenfield’s How To Survive In the Woods. I’m only a bit in, but my wife noticed I was looking for the link

“Where Is It?!”
It might be in the shared library on Apple Books

After fumbling around, I think I found it and sent it to her, but she’s sleeping.

We’ll see how it turns out.

I don’t think I’m really the demo, but her descriptions are interesting. She also pops in and out on some of my other sources. I did like her recent piece on Sophie Cunningham. And her takes on Graham Planter. And contraception, how Mean Girls gave really bad information about many, many things.

There are many reasons to subscribe to The Free Press, and Kat’s writing is just one of them.

So, what’s on tap for the next few days? Medical stuff tomorrow and Monday then basically a week free. That freedom could be interrupted; the PT folks could find an opening. Boo! Also, Ow! It’s also supposed to get uncomfortably-hot again for a few days. Nice things? Yeah, you’re not allowed to have them.

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On to a prompt….

What’s a life I dream of living but haven’t said out loud yet?

Huh? I think the OCR botched this one, too. Or maybe not; I think I understand what it’s trying to get at. Is there a lifestyle I’d be excited about living, but haven’t communicated.

Nothing I can think of, really. You play the hand you’re dealt. Obviously I didn’t have any athletic prowess. I was never particularly tall. I’ve often been overweight. I have comically-short legs; my wife and I have the same inseam, though I’m several inches taller.

I loved working in radio. Even there, however, my symptoms were starting to affect my speech. I left probably near the peak of the industry, and it’s been very tough since the Real Estate bubble burst, taking a significant portion of ad revenue with it.

Could I have worked in law? Sure. But the timeline for doing that was tough, and I probably wouldn’t have paid off my loans by the time my health really started failing. I also wouldn’t have met Sarah..

But I wouldn’t have hidden any of my desires. They aren’t anything to keep hidden to myself; so why would I?

Where does my MTV-formed brain go?

I think I’ve written enough for the day.

Yesterday was, um, interesting.

Bunch of details about what I watched omitted for brevity, but Fauci deserves a place in history alongside other notable bad actors. There was one comparing him to Jim Jones. Jones had to go to Guyana, not stay in his mansion in MoCo.

I thought I might have written something with my inclinations that Fauci, et. al. should be tried at The Hague.

Yeah, I know that would have never happened, and it’s irrelevant now that the US has pulled out of those agreements.

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Viewing was interrupted by a physical therapy session. I think it’s actually working.

Hand-in-hand with doctors finding ways to take care of me is the realization that, no, I didn’t bring this stuff on myself. I didn’t get MS because of a personal moral failing.

I did things to try and cover up very real physical effects, and those have had negative effects on my life.

…just imagine you’d had a normal life!

No. Why would I waste time on that?

I muscled through until I couldn’t any more.

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Yeah, I planned to do more in the pursuit of getting squared-away for the rest of this streak, but I didn’t get there.

So scanned prompts…

What does ‘healing’ look like for me right now?

Is it rest, movement, letting go, or something else entirely?

This was an interesting case of the scanner picking up something different. The OCR registered this as ‘bearing.’

Even checking visually, I guess I can understand why it said that; weird font.

To answer the question, though, it’s really learning to accept my imperfections, and stop trying to appear perfectly put-together. You’re not okay. And it’s probably not because of anything you did. Or anything anybody else did.

This morning started with discovering Russ Roberts’s Substack.

Specifically, I was very enthused by this article.

Socialism will work this time if it’s Democratic. I don’t think so. Zoran’s city-owned grocery stores will have bare shelves about as fast as you can blink.

The free buses will never be on time, so people will go to whatever the new state industry comes up with as a modern Trabant.

But it’ll be all-electric! Please pay no attention to the fact that there’s no electricity coming from the wall socket; it’d be there if it wasn’t for that damn data center.

No kidding. This is the line of thinking I’m seeing among some sorta-amenable to every aspect of life being controlled by the state. If something goes wrong, it must be because someone disrupted the perfect public planning.

Or it could be because it’s freakin’ hot outside, and the air conditioners are running at full load, which they wouldn’t have to do if we’d get serious about addressing the climate crisis.

Okay, then.

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I had this today listed as a free-write

No, I just did that. Well, it seems that way.

So scanned prompts.

Where do I feel most like myself?

Hmm. Do I really ever feel like myself anymore? The sorts of things I used to do, but can’t now.

I am pretty solitary so maybe there are not many difference. I sometimes enjoy being around people, but, generally, it’s few I’ve chosen to be around.

And, even then, I tend to go at my own plodding pace. If I miss out on the oh-so-super exciting event, whatever.

What environments or people bring that version of me forward?

I don’t know? I really don’t like to feel like I’m putting on a show. Especially emotionally. There’s only a few people who care to look at what I am, what I actually think.

But my patience is fleeting. If I don’t like the crowd you’re with, that’s generally fine if I can go somewhere else.

You know how I know you’re a Nazi? (I don’t want to impose on others; totes something the Third Reich held dear…)

How can I spend more time there?

Again, my physical ability to spend much time anywhere is limited. If I feel okay, and am not seeking the exits, I’ll stick around if I’ve gotten there without too much effort.

That so much effort is required for most things makes it incredibly difficult.

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I should probably check in on the rest of the month’s prompts. Maybe this afternoon.

I started hammering away on this while I was listening to No Agenda in the second post-JCD show.

I suppose JCD’s absence is the overriding issue with No Agenda. But, there, the system can continue. Maybe it’ll be different, either subtly or not.

But that brings me back to politics, and everything surrounding President Trump.

I don’t care about him.
I never voted for him, and think he’s awful for myriad reasons.

That doesn’t mean your stooge is better.

I’m having flashbacks to how the neurologist who diagnosed me with MS controlled the conversation.

Don’t get distracted; how is what you’re guy’s planning to do going to fix things?

I think this is the posture I’m going to take towards everything.

I never voted for Trump. How is your guy going to fix things? Specifics. How long until the budget deficit is gone?
How much sill be shaved off the Federal Debt in each of the following years?

No, I’m not going to talk about anything else; I don’t care. How does your guy’s thing work?

So, the parts I wrote yesterday still stick. I was working through it over iMessage with my oldest friend; maybe a sort of conversational stipulation. You think Trump is horrible. So do I. You agree that because I didn’t, and never would vote for him, that we don’t bring him up in the conversation.

And if you do, the conversation is over.

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Today’s flashback to 2000, when I’d picked my oldest friend up from BWI to go home to Tidewater.

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1.  BWI is nowhere close to DC, unlike their ads say.
2.  The People's Republic of Maryland still sucks ass.

He was amazed to see rain for the first time in six months.  I don't think I've ever been that long without it.  I'd go totally freakin' nuts if I did.

Yeah, I used People’s Republic of Maryland for a long time, but I think Maryland Democratic Republic (MDDR) was, and still is, more accurate. There’s lots of proposed policies that would have had similar levels of support in East Germany.

As for BWI’s proximity, it’s still in the middle of nowhere, even though I now live inside The Beltway. *checks map distance* Yeah, BWI is about twenty files farther, but would take probably 45 minutes longer by car than to Dulles. (And, from where I live, DCA is about ten minutes….)

Back to the snide comments about East Germany. I don’t remember if I ever went to East Germany, but I did go to The Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Hungary not long after The Wall fell.

They weren’t anything towards which someone should aspire. Dirty. Ugly. Unsafe. Bubuhbut TRUMP’S ARCH AT ARLINGTON.

Yeah, I don’t really like it, and wonder why the hell they’re spending money on it when the country is broke as hell, but that’s only a small portion of the much larger problems.