^H

Not a fun day yesterday for a variety of reasons.

But it looks like the disability stuff might finally be a “go.”

You know you’re probably gonna have to repay the disability insurance company for the months they’ve been overpaying you, right?
Duh.

I wonder if having the SSDI award figured out might crop up a few more things I’ll need to sort out. That inflation still won’t go away is another problem. Hey, Congress! Quit spending so much money that doesn’t exist!

I need to do some financial stuff, but I hope I can get to more day-to-day stuff. And maybe I won’t mislay the thing that holds up the bags. Or maybe I’ll follow my wife’s direction to just not do anything.

GLWT.

And this VM is misbehaving.
I don’t know what’s going on. Rebooted, and php-fpm is still not working.

Mess with it more when I’m better-caffeinated.

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What are my most important values?
When was the last time I felt truly aligned with those values?

I do tend to pay particular attention to the Aristotelian principles of rights to life and property. Whether it’s the “golden rule,” or something else, I don’t know. At one time I probably could have spoken more directly to the philosophical principles.

Of course I had my Randroid phase. But I was also raised Catholic, and have re-evaluated many of The Church’s teachings as an adult, and find that I generally agree with them.

Yesterday, I was watching one of the Iranian news presenters who was talking about her family’s Zoroastrian beliefs. (Which is why they fled the Islamic dictatorship.)

Listening to the description of Zoroastrian beliefs was actually fascinating. Cyrus was the one who freed the Jews from the Babylonians.

The Pahlavis are Shiite. Twelvers, but they were okay with people of different faiths living in Iran. The same is not true of the weird group that’s been in charge since the 1979 Revolution. Some of what Reza Pahlavi has come up with this idea of a “Cyrus Accord” that’d function much like the Abraham Accord between Israel and several of its Islamic neighbors.

It’s interesting.

But I’m going to wrap things up, and see about fixing this VM.

Didn’t really have a lot planned for today. So, head back to read what I wrote in 2017.

Because of what happened back then, more states expanded their Medicaid plans.

Some of the recent pre-shutdown fights have been about expanded Medicaid tax credits. Essentially, not only is the Federal government providing credits to fund part/most of the premiums through the states’ programs which then kick more costs back to the Federal government.

Bubuhbut look at the companies’ profits!!1! Okay.

And, with the exception of the time I was in my last job in Tidewater, every “insurer” I’ve been covered by has been not-for-profit. By and large, I do like the insurer that comes with my wife’s job. It’s not-for-profit, and there can be some weirdness if you’re using it outside MDDR or DC, but if you stick within providers there, things generally work well.

Where it becomes problematic is providers here in VA that don’t accept the plan.

Honestly, there’s no way to fix things without goring many oxen. No politician is going to really fix things top-to-bottom; too many cooks in the kitchen.

But with enough prodding, the people who cheered Brian Thompson’s murder can get to what they’d ultimately like to see — a taxpayer-funded MAD and abortion performed in a Catholic hospital.

Awesome stuff. Prompts —

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When was the last time I felt truly calm and content?

I don’t really know, honestly.

What contributed to that?

See above.

I’m not sure if there’s ever been a moment where, as an adult, I’ve really felt “calm and content.”

Maybe this fall I’ll have an opportunity?

That sentence is actually probably too hopeful.

Off to get the replacement MRI this afternoon. Hopefully it works this time.

Drink more water.

Good conversation this morning about everything that’s going on. I really suck at being scared. That really isn’t a good thing when you’re around people who are perpetually-scared.

It’s difficult to explain that just because I don’t understand or share your fear doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.

But understand that I’m not going to cheer whatever thing that’s eating your attention this morning.

I posted this to Michael Malice’s Locals yesterday, but I think it bears repeating.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Db3EFR2CDC-/?igsh=MWM3aXkyZzIwdjFhMQ==

It always ends up in the same place.

Epstein —> Mossad —> AIPAC —> Liberty Incident —> US deserves 9/11 (and the Jews actually did it)

It always ends in antisemitism.

Always. Every single time.

So, prompts….

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What do I want people to feel when they’re around me?

This actually fits with this morning’s discussion. I’m not irrationally-worried about anything.

There’s not anything I can do to “fix” whatever problem(s) you identified. Neither can you. But you can hurt many, many, many people in pursuit of your solution.

And I’m not ever going to give you the protection you seek from your position of power/prestige/etc. If you fuck up, I’m not going to say that you didn’t.

If you’re lucky, I just don’t say anything at all.

What actions can I take to make people feel that way?

You know, I don’t really know. For the people who are terror-bound, I don’t know that there’s really change minds.

I’d say sometime like “I’m not going to sugar-coat it,” but that’s not entirely true, either. Likely, I’ll respond with a non-committal, “Okay.”

But the world’s not a terrible place, and things are getting better.

Free-Write

Geez. I don’t really know if I have this in me this morning, but I guess I’ll give it a go.

Colman Hughes has an interview with Ro Khanna. Is it a bad thing that I don’t give a damn what he, or his supporters, have to say?

My comment on TFP’s front page this morning…

I suppose I understand talking to Ro, but I’ve already twice scratched him off my mental list of candidates. (For the Epstein dump, and for flirting with transitional Communism.)

Maybe I should forgive and be more open-minded, but….

And that describes exactly where I am with them. I’m not going to engage. Any cooperation will be under protest, and your enforcement actions will be elevated.

The response, however, could be conflicting emotions as discussed yesterday in the prompts. But nothing is conflicted. You’re all worthless, and I don’t have any desire to deal with you.

Reflexively, I want to apologize for that sentiment, but whatever. I can’t summon the energy.

Bright, sunny start to a Monday morning, but it is what it is.

Kind of a quickie today before I start in on the day’s activities. but, it’s a Sunday!!1! Okay, and? In a busy place, relax days for service providers tend to be Monday and Tuesday. If you’re going to find a restaurant that’s not open seven days per week, chances are Monday, Tuesday, or both, are the days it’s closed.

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Describe a time I felt two contradicting emotions at once?

I suppose I felt that way when I stopped working. There were so many things that needed to be finished, so many loose ends that were still straggling around, but, yeah, I couldn’t do it anymore. Just letting the problems fall off to someone else wasn’t going to end the world.

Jennifer Pahlka had a piece on her Substack recently about states’ SNAP systems.

How do you do this without disrupting current beneficiaries?

Maybe you don’t?

You just establish the new system with the protections the politicians are looking for, move all new registrations to that system, block new registrations in the old system, set a deadline for users getting off the old system, and enforce the deadline. If people are still using the old stuff after they’ve had a 24-month notice, sorry.

NewSNAP starts accepting users 1 January 2027.
OldSNAP stops accepting new users 1 January 2027.
Transition of existing users from OldSNAP to NewSNAP 1 January 2027 – 31 October 2028.
OldSNAP user warning 1 November 2028.
OldSNAP shuts off 1 January 2029.

I did enjoy doing that sort of work, but it’s over for me, now. *shrug*

How did I navigate those conflicting emotions

You know, I don’t really remember.
*checks calendar*
Okay, yeah, I went to see my Mom for Mother’s Day just after. But I think I was so busy dealing with getting all the paperwork straightened out that I was busy.

We were dealing with the dying pup, etc.

I almost said there really wasn’t a lot of time to deal with the conflicting emotions; I’m sure I could have found it, but there really wasn’t anything to do about it.

I didn’t leave the Slack channel until they started paying me my long-term disability; will I be forced to go back? Is there something else I could do? Getting through the prior two years had been so tough.

But even when I had some time to contemplate, I tried not to. I’ve gotten through books while I was on the train, etc.

To further distract myself, and because I wanted to know “what the kids are up to,” I watched Euphoria. That series evoked conflicting emotions, too. I just don’t understand the public confession of everyone’s problems and activities. If you didn’t feel well, you found something to make yourself feel better. If you were fucking somebody else, that was between you and that other person. The details of what you two did together weren’t anybody else’s business.
Pick up the soap
Mayonnaise and rope

I’m old.

Pretty unremarkable Saturday morning. Much to do with medical stuff; when are they going to reschedule this MRI from earlier in the week that didn’t happen, why did I get a strange extra four days on one of my prescriptions, and why did the pharmacy send me something like 20 refill reminders on that prescription?

This is for the very expensive new drug from a few years ago. It’s helped me more than I can say; I basically can’t walk at all after I’ve been off of it for about four days.

Insurers used to send me a 90d supply which came in three sealed 30d bottles.

Despite it having been transitioned to generic, there were still kind of odd restrictions; you only get a 30d fill, and they try to pace it so that you can’t get a refill until you’ve only got a few days left.

What?

So, last fill, I get the regular manufacturer shrink-wrapped 30d supply, along with a generic bottle with about ten pills inside.

This morning I got probably twenty email reminders that I need to set up automatic refills….

*call the pharmacy*

Naturally, they’re closed for the weekend. Work with the virtual assistant ended with a, “guess I’ll call Monday.”

So much of life these days is trying to do small, seemingly menial, tasks. It’s not great for my concentration.

But prompt…

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How can I channel that energy more often in my daily life?

Another case, I think, of where I was trying to stretch out multi-line cards into multiple starters.

Let’s try another one….

What’s one thing I usually take for granted that I want to appreciate more deeply today?

This is an odd question. Do I really take anything for granted? Yes, I appreciate when others do something for me, but, generally, I can get those things accomplished on my own if help isn’t offered. Would I be completely lost if “important” things went away? Probably not.

Of course, it works the other way around, too. I do things for others and get little recognition. But I prefer that to getting criticism for the method in which I do those things for others.

AI reviewer asked whether I do things to reduce overall friction. Yes. If I spill something, I make an attempt to clean it up most of the time. Maybe I don’t do a thorough job, but I do try to get things to be at least presentable. There are things that really bother me that others don’t notice, but I really don’t harp on those things. If I have an opportunity to make a small correction for my own satisfaction, I usually take it.

That’s enough for today, I think.

Yeah, so this round of antibiotics, etc., is not being nice to me. I’m not sleeping well, and am in pain.

They also haven’t scheduled my make-up trip for a tube cruise.

The Hall Of Fame game last night was actually pretty good, even if the teams’ play-style is about as run-of-the-mill as it gets. Some weirdness with where the game was on TV. Comcast, I mean Xfinity, blocked the NFL Network over Xfinity streams. I guess it was important that the local NBC affiliates.

The TV coverage of the Redskins Commanders has been saying that the Offense isn’t quite up to the Defense’s level of play. But, and this is one of the areas where my limited eyesight is causing issues, I don’t have much of a sense of what the teams are doing scheme-wise.

*STFW*

Okay, so the Cardinals are running kinda-generic West Coast Offense, and a basic 43 Defense; KC Clone. The Panthers are running a kinda-generic West Coast Offense, and a 34 Defense. *yawn*

But we’re back. Still a bit of hot weather, but fall is on the way. —

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So prompt.

What would it feel like to take one small risk in that direction?

This is probably the second part of a prompt I scanned early on that has two parts, and got disconnected from the original.

So, time to scan another….

How can I align my actions with my values more clearly in this season that I am in?

I don’t know? The still-hot weather has me focused on not being outside, or eating oysters.

Really trying to think when I really let the seasons dictate much of anything. Maybe I’ll try to avoid trying to do things where I’d need someone else’ input/approval around holiday and travel seasons.

I’m still more than a little confused about what this was trying to evoke. Would I typically consider going to Upstate New York? Um, no, probably not. In December, even? Again, no. For a friend’s wedding? Unless the weather would make it basically impossible to get in and out, I’m planning on going.

Figures that when I have something substantial wanted to write about, I have some long memory loaded up. I’ll just to roll with it, I guess.

The Instagram folks will appreciate this link.

That one’s from TheFP, but I’ve seen things on local news, Coffee & COVID, Or Reason. Or Reason.

There was a really good piece on it from ABC a few years ago.

I do have kind of a reflexive antipathy towards “the surveillance state,” but the technology emerged in spite of government.

The question is whether there’s things that can be done to ensure government doesn’t abuse new technology.

Law Enforcement is going to use the tools in irresponsible ways!

Might I have searched myself when I had access to a police database? Yep.

Ooh! There’s the police report I filed in 1999 after getting threatened by a former friend who was dating my ex.

Address? The Old Apartment.

Hmm. What else happened there? Oh! Someone died, probably in my bedroom in 1986.

Does the memory of that uncomfortable feeling play into why I check addresses of properties to see if something bad happened there?

Hey, Grok, did anything significant happen at or near 123 Maple Ave., and what crimes have happened recently?

Sometimes, however, old footage is used for smart purposes. Like the FBI figuring out the January 6th pipe bomber.

Is it a problem that footage existed, and investigators finally figured it out years after it happened?

Answer to rhetorical question omitted.

Do I appreciate Jeff Childers, of @FloridaMan__ LLP’s suggestions?

Um.

No, you shouldn’t be doing that.

No, I probably shouldn’t have been doing what I might have been doing in 2001.

But does that mean the technologies should go away?

Um.

Please see the tagline for this site; “Everything Gets Deleted Eventually.” I hope the implicit part of that occurred to you — no, if it goes to physical media at some point, it’ll get found. Whether it’s printed media, or digital media, if it can be read, it can be decoded.

I thought I’d linked something about it before, but people recovered data from hard disks that were aboard Columbia. Burning up on reentry, and getting stuck at the bottom of a bayou doesn’t delete everything.

Nobody who worked on getting that data back had any nefarious motives. Nor might have I when I might have searched myself.

I suppose there’s probably already rules of evidence that could challenge whatever’s ferreted out. Officer Friendly, you stumbled across this when you were looking for a vehicle suspected in this other crime, not because you were looking for that girl who ghosted you, right?

But there also might be video of someone blowing a snot rocket into the flower bed. It’s there, and it’ll probably always be there, so how do you keep it from getting out?

You could just stop recording, no? But this stuff is everywhere. I don’t know that there’s a good way to go back.

Or that going back would be worthwhile.

But how do you deal with this guy?

He’s a good civil servant ensuring public safety!

---

Okay, what I had loaded up turns out to not be all that long…..

Flashback to 1999

Have you ever gotten a glimpse of yourself and think, "man, I really look like shit?"

I kind of feel that way now. I mean, I don't look like I just woke up, but bad nonetheless. I'm tired, so my eyes are baggy, I'm way overdue for a haircut, and I forgot to shave today.

But maybe it's a good thing to look a little rough around the edges sometimes.

I will be back to my Marine look soon, though.

What do you think of your appearance today?

It’s somewhat similar. I haven’t shaved; I did yesterday afternoon when I showered. I could use a haircut. I’m wearing the cheap summer shirt I ordered while I was in Biloxi earlier this year. I’m in sweat pants.

But I think I’m finished for the morning.

Interesting day yesterday and today. Lots of content about fun with the healthcare system. I have an antibiotic I was prescribed Sunday, but it’s taken me until Wednesday to get it filled. It’s just another Z-Pack. Why this couldn’t be sent over is beyond me. That the pharmacy we’ve been using only has 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. pharmacy hours is similarly-irritating. Yes, it’s nice that the ubiquity of records sharing has freed up some things.

So. Five days of doing something I’d already done. Whatever.

Yesterday’s electoral weren’t really surprising, I guess. Don Beyer Volvo survived his primary against another four Democrats. Even though he didn’t vote to release the full police files of the Epstein conspiracy, there’s many other reasons to vote against him. I was a little intrigued by someone from my wife’s alma mater, but I didn’t get the absentee ballot filled out, and then he lost me with an answer to a question posed to him on WJLA over the weekend.

Oh well.

That, along with the discussion on WTF this morning where one of the hosts was trying to trace his family from Italy. The more I learn about my parents’ backgrounds, the less I know. And I think that they kind of wanted it that way.

My parents left South Landmass during the nastier parts of Jim Crow. The prospect of Vietnam looked better. And, so, nearly twenty-five years later, we all wound up in Virginia.

But I can’t trace my roots back to Jamestown. As far as I can tell, nobody in my family owned slaves. There weren’t many slaveholders in Cajun country on my dad’s side. New Orleans was held by the Union for most of The War. My mother’s family had fled to the not-so-great Mississippi after not finding much success in South Carolina and Georgia. One of the male ancestors died in the Civil War after he’d gone back to fight for Georgia.

I refuse to be a proud member of the Party of Harry Byrd.

Do I even really have a home?

Eli Lake had a pretty good take on the leftists’ wins yesterday. I really don’t know what more to say to the people who won. Your nutty ideas wouldn’t have worked, but the failure should be more spectacular with the last quarter-century of irresponsible governance.

Shoot me if you can find the bullets. Please try to have the cameras rolling so your evil is captured for posterity.

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So, prompts before I draw this out too much longer.

I felt proud of myself and why?

I didn’t get what I have through force or fraud. I’ve also dealt with the bad breaks inflicted by my out-of-control immune system. If you don’t think that’s valuable, fine. I’m the one who has to deal with my reality.

How can I carry that confidence into new situations?

My self-confidence is pretty small, and it’s been that way much of my life. That I’ve spent so much time adjusting for my body’s failings hasn’t buoyed it any.

I suppose the therapy I’ve been in for the past few years has helped me realize that, no, I won’t be judged as harshly as I worried for my body’s failings. Am I getting better at letting it slide? Yes, but it’s a constant struggle.

Halfway through, I think.