Trying To Be Okay With This

“Okay With This” is what I called my Substack. I still haven’t written anything there. I really haven’t had anything terribly insightful to write about. I mentioned last week the problems with Lacey. Unfortunately, we did end up having to put her down on Wednesday. In spite of a quick rally late last weekend, she worsened again pretty quickly, and wasn’t really eating or drinking.

She was a great addition to our family, and will be incredibly missed. Am I okay with this? Um. No, honestly no. I’d imagine it’ll get easier as time passes, but the emotions are still pretty raw. I do find myself doing the sorts of things I’d do to look out for her, even though I know she’s not around.

The doggie departure, along with difficulties I’m having with the insurer for my disability policies, has kept me from finding something to write about. Things are still going on with the Israeli operation in Iran, but who knows when that’ll finally be over.

I am sure the dog is somewhere better than the last Qads commander. I’m hoping they shoot themselves dry, and something positive happens.

Workouts are progressing; I’ve stayed on the schedule I’d set for myself, and whould be able to keep to it until I leave for my trip.

Maybe I’ll think up something I can plunk away about while I’m on the train.

No Kings Saturday

Haven’t written much this week. Dealing with the gymnastics of getting my private disability squared away, and dealing with a sick puppy, have taken a lot of time and energy.

It also finally got hot inside the Beltway Swamp, so going and doing much of anything has been tough. That hasn’t stopped me from sticking to my exercise goal, though it’s getting to be uncomfortably-humid inside the community facility may days.

So, kind of go piece-by-piece on this.

Kind of the middle of last week, the dog started drinking lots of water, and having accidents inside. And on the couch. Friday and Saturday were largely spent both finishing season three of The White Lotus, and trying to figure out if we were going to be without our little dog friend very soon. She is almost fourteen, but still not something we are, or ever will be, prepared for. My wife had taken her to the vet late in the week, and there was discussion that she might be in kidney failure. We’d planned on getting an expensive test done to check, but that got cancelled after we had to hit the emergency vet on Sunday. I accompanied. She had a rather-nasty UTI. Antibiotics, etc., but it really wasn’t until yesterday that she seemed kind of normal.

So, what else?

The Israeli attack on Iran Thursday night was very interesting. Credit to Chris Cuomo over on NewsNation about exactly who the IRGC are. I disagreed with President Trump’s efforts to even negotiate with them, almost as much as I disagreed with john Kerry’s blessed JCPOA. If Iran needs nuclear electricity, they don’t need to refine it themselves. They might do well to refine their own gasoline to start. They certainly don’t need to be enriching uranium to refinement levels far above what would be needed for electracy generation.

But that’s what they were doing in addition to building additional processing sites. And so Israel attacked. It sounds like they’ve done some serious damage, and killed. Much like the North Koreans fighting in Russia, these people are slaves.

Two other things…

No Kings protests. Following along on X, looking at the crowd sizes. Unimpressed. But the message about who’s funding all this is getting out.

    No tie-in with the stuff back in the winter. Nope. This is all organic. Repeat until enlightened — “Orange Man Bad.”

    Trying to catch up some on what’s going on with the shooting of pols in Minnesota. Big headlines will be that a DFL (Democrat Farm Labor) politician and her husband were killed last night.

    Pull out your Jump To Conclusions Mat, and assume it was a Republican.

    Except there’s now reporting that some of the more radical parts of her party were upset that she compromised with Republicans to keep the state government open.

    Moving on…..

    Weekends Worth Remembering

    This past one, well Sunday and today at least, was kind of spent consuming two things mentioned in this column.

    So I watched Road House, and listened to Toxic Empathy.

    The movie, I’m pretty sure I’d seen in parts, maybe in whole, at points in the past.

    It shows a point in history that many have no idea ever existed. One of the plot points is the character who was a mattress salesman. Buying something like a mattress used to be a really big deal. Or a car. Or shoes. Or a PC. None of that kind of thing is included in CPI anymore. You can see things like this, and think inflation isn’t a big deal.

    I do admit that I was kind of lost at points. Com^H^H^HXfinity’s on-demand offerings are strange. You’ll get strange parts of a commercial break at completely random Three thirds of ads, then back to the content.

    But the debate was over being nice until it’s time to stop being nice.

    Thinking about things before i started watching, and having paid attention to the hours of annual training telling me, a disabled person that I’m privileged because I’m nominally white and male, had me thinking about things from a DEI lense.

    Bar bouncers are kind of the antithesis of DEI.

    As a bouncer, you’re not trying to foster a diverse clientele. You’re trying to gather a crowd who’ll have fun together, be peaceful, buy a bunch of booze (how bars and restaurants tend to make money), and maybe leave together at the end of the night.

    By the very nature of what bouncers are hired to do, promoting inclusion is not at all a priority. Again, it’s to foster a crowd who’ll have a good time, and spend a lot of money.

    On Equity, if you’re not buying anything, you can leave (Unless you’re really hot, and others are trying to get you to….)

    Why, pray tell, is that wrong? This is the kind of things that humans do naturally.

    Fight or Flight (or Flee) is something most people probably remember from very basic courses surrounding human interactions. (Then there’s the two other Fs often omitted — Feed and Fuck.)

    I go to Waffle House, I can be pretty certain that I’m not going to be completely disappointed Feed is absolutely taken care of; they’re likely not going to screw that up too badly. Fight? Haven’t done that there. And, like so many other places, I’d probably lose. Flee? It’s there, generally, on where I’m trying to go. Fuck? Um, well, there was one of those scientific dating websites who determined that a waitress at on would be a good match…. (I’d basically given up on finding anyone when almost twenty years ago, I met the woman I’d end up marrying…)

    So, there’s lessons there, I suppose, but I think you have to consider more-deeply than the base-level. The powers-that-be in the town are corrupt. The main character wins by fighting. Even if I was physically able, I’d just leave. It’s what I do.


    The book, I don’t know. She states very well what the average Protestant thinks.

    As a severely-lapsed member of the the Papist Conspiracy, there’s things I really disagree with her on. At the same time, I understand her arguments. The Church, on the other hand, makes some arguments I find more compelling.

    Capital Punishment. I understand her argument, but I subscribe to The Church’s position against it. Though I’m really skeptical about the long-running efforts to find someone who’s been improperly-executed by the state, I admit that it’s a possibility. You don’t have to steal that much money to house someone until death.

    Though I have temptation for vengeance, that’s where faith comes in. Though it’s really difficult to not kill someone I absolutely know is guilty, i do believe there’ll be justice done.

    The method might not be proscribed, but…

    Would I absolutely be comfortable in a society filled with people like her? Yep. Even if I disagree with her on some things.

    If I don’t harm another person to invoke her wrath, she’s going to leave me alone.

    Allie’s writing is also very nice to hear; easily-understandable


    Still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my benefits election. I understand that they’re going to shell out a good deal of money, but it’s part of the reason I put myself through this.

    Sitting Down

    Four-day workweek, and I’m kind of shutting things down for the weekend.

    I’ve been trying to tune out some of the news.

    Still following a lot of what’s been put out on TheFP.

    First notable one was this about the DSA folks who don’t want to condemn the shooting in DC. I shared the story on Facebook, quipping something about this being horseshoe theory in action, but I’m not sure that even fits.

    So what do I do? I’m tempted to retreat into the hedge Homer Simpson mem-style. But, more likely, I’ll add DSA-aligned candidates to the never-support list.

    Also really appreciated Kat Rosenfield’s piece here. This is actually the sort of thing I was worried about when I was in college, and this sort of thing was just starting to seep into academia.

    SMDH.

    “I told you so” is rarely helpful, and even more rarely appreciated.

    I also really appreciated this from Reason. The hosts’ reaction reminds me of their

    Reminded of their interview about Iran. This stuff really makes my brain hurt; Is there a Murray Rothbard quote that kinda-sorta applies?

    Day off tomorrow, then the three-day-per-week exercise bit starts. Ugh. But I am kind of seeing benefits.

    More tomorrow, maybe.

    Original Sin Reax

    I listened to Original Sin after hearing Megyn Kelly interview the authors on her show (podcast). This is kind of going to be stream-of-consciousness based on notes I scribbled throughout.

    The authors truly thinks that had Biden dropped out, Democrats would have won. 

    I suppose I understand this, but there was almost an abandonment of even the notion of journalistic neutrality. I suppose I understand this; they were educated that newspapers (and TV+radio because in so many instances affilates were owned by publishers) were really captured outlets. This has changed. I don’t think you could ever call these legacy outlets, anymore, anything other than DNC mouthpieces. The Biden admin tried hard to portray The Wall Street Journal as a right-wing counterpart for actually trying to do fair reporting on Biden’s mental ability. This from the LA Times kind of points towards the problem, but I’m not sure it captures it fully. The audiences are slipping. Is that because they’re not hard enough on one candidate, or is it something else?

    I would imagine the demographics of the various cable channels are facing similar graying. Pharmaceutical ads. Life insurance. Medical products for the elderly. Even if the product was consumable, the audiences continue to shrink; they’re dying off.

    Obama met with Biden Summer 2023. 

    Some back-and-forth about how much Biden could have gleaned from such a meeting, and that he (and his people) were really being cast out of the White House. Even if Obama could have/did notice something then, there’s probably not a lot he could have done about it.

    Interesting bit about calling on Rosen/OAN

    I guess Biden was taking questions from “new” media at one event. It did not go well at all. The reporter was from OAN. Um. Okay. Yeah. I suspect that that won’t give you good questions. (So the responses’ quality will correspond accordingly…)

    Lots on big fall-off after Beau’s death

    Biden’s sharpness seemed to wane after Beau Biden’s death. I suppose that’s understandable. Is that what pushed Obama to back Hillary in 2016?

    Relied on cards *after* press conferences 

    Part of the reaction to that OAN interaction is that Biden was pretty much forced to go on to teleprompter/cards for interactions with the press after the press conferences.

    Lots of love and hate on Garland

    The Biden handlers were not happy with Merrick Garland. I seem to remember that they were a little upset that he’d seemingly slow-rolled the prosecutions (Jack Smith), but they were also really unhappy that he couldn’t pull off getting Hunter completely off-the-hook.

    Nothing about the disaster that was the Inflation Reduction Act 

    I made note of that. It’s possible that I just missed it, but probably a lot of the reason inflation is so out-of-control is what they were trying to do with Green Alchemy.

    Debate was panic to boost fundraising 

    I do remember some of the discussion about why this happened in the first place. That the DNC was already starting to hurt for money provides some insight. They started the big time fundraising after the SOTU. Trump would be out there debating a convicted felon. Even if it wasn’t great, it’d paint a stark difference between the two candidates.

    Lots on Hunter 

    Significant amount of time discussing the situation(s) with Hunter. Only a bit on Blinken’s role in getting the former intelligence officials to sign the letter in 2020.

    Really thin on the nobody had been killed 

    Some discussion of Biden’s statements about how no US servicemembers had been killed on his watch as president. They did mention the Afghanistan disaster, and a few others I’d forgotten about.

    I can remember my dad talking about the closest he came to resigning his commission was after “Desert One” in Iran in 1980. What happened in Kabul might have actually been worse than Iran.

    Binary choice fallacy

    The authors echoed some of the Democrats’ discussion about how the debate performance probably ushered people into a bad binary choice. Hey, y’all! I was going to vote for Biden just because I wanted to see him get his deserved blame for the economic and budgetary problems that were created by what he and his party did in the early part of Biden’s term. Naturally, all of it would be blamed on Trump. With Biden gone, I couldn’t bring myself to ever vote for Officer Harris and SMA Walz. So back to the LP even after their convention had absolutely cemented that I’d not vote for Trump. No, Oliver wasn’t good. Still the stink of the NeoHip AntiWar crowd, but he was about the only thing left.

    Kind of glosses over actual election loss

    They really didn’t go into the actual election very much. Or I was distracted by something else. The strength of Trump’s win over Officer Harris can’t, and shouldn’t be, underplayed. There wasn’t a single candidate on the ballot last year I would have been proud to vote for. Not a one.

    Not good on post-election loss

    I have similar criticism for the lack of post-election coverage. Maybe it’s because people are tired of Hillary’s “WHAT HAPPENED” stuff, but very thin in that section, too.

    Gets into the Biden pardons, but doesn’t really address the potential illegality of them.

    That note kind of describes it. The volume of pardons is remarkable, but they didn’t really get into that.

    Says the pardons inspired the J6 pardons

    Yes. Duh. I don’t think Trump would have given pardons to the J6 people if not for the ones Biden issued. This went along with his commutations for pretty much everybody on Federal Death Row, and commuting many other life sentences. Including Peltier. Guess Mumia was incarcerated on state charges out of Pennsylvania, so couldn’t get him out.

    Nothing I noted about the Fauci/NIAID pardons.

    I did listen hard for that, and must have missed it. The Fauci, et. al. pardon is incredibly shameful.

    Millions of People Are Dead Because Of What They Did

    Maybe there’s something Senator Paul will flesh out in the Senate, but I’m not going to hold my breath on it. Thankfully, it seems like things are under control disease-wise, but history should not forget.


    So, something to listen to while I was doing more paperwork and cleaning up some more today. Was the book worth what I paid for it? Um. I’ve paid more for drinks and appetizers I ended up not liking, so it’s fine. You might like it. Full-throated endorsement? Not so much. Was it garbage? Nope.

    Don’t Be An Asshole

    It’s really not that big difficulty to, you know, be courteous towards others with whom you disagree.

    I do what I do, which is leave. It’s not a proud thing, but it’s where I am, how I react.

    Lots last night on X about this guy, one of the Edgelords, who made me leave the LP again.

    One of the Ăśbermenschen was showing that he was going to give FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS to support this now-unemployed Edgelord.

    *polite golf clap*

    I really don’t have a ton of money to spread around after heading to disability, but I’d certainly come up with more than that.

    But the reason he got fired is exactly the reason why he’s not worth listening to. Or, in his employer’s case, having on the payroll.

    You can believe whatever you’d like. But, understand that those beliefs might result in negative consequences if anyone ever finds out.

    Obligatory backstory posts.

    This is what you asked for Mises Caucus. Are you unembarrassed yet?

    Or just unemployable?


    Other stuff……

    Saw more than a couple of people on Facebook about the bombing of the IVF clinic. He had to be a prolife activist, who wouldn’t have done this without the return of Donald Trump.

    Young dude who’s a Pro-Mortalist? What the actual…..?

    Move on. I was tempted to go and see who had deleted the post, but why bother? I should probably make myself scarce again.

    Oh, there was the new 757 story. That was a big scandal.

    All to avoid paying attention to the Moody’s downgrade on US debt.

    Saturday Two

    I started writing something a couple of days ago, but got distracted. My complaint was about how I was having to hurry up and wait for things to start moving.

    But things actually are moving, and I feel a bit better about how it’s going.

    I haven’t had a lot of opportunity to really get at things, but I’m moderately-confident about the overall directions.

    I have been to work out a few times, and have been trying to do strength things where I can off of the equipment.

    Most people don’t have to think at all about stepping deliberately. I do. Lift foot, place foot, rebalance.

    But it will come.

    Things will start calming down, I think. Same applies with what’s been going on in the news. Shock, shock! DOGE isn’t going to cut nearly enough spending to do anything about the fiscal problems the US Government has. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, Moody’s downgraded the US credit yesterday.

    Top story on the news? Nah, that’s something about how Trump is getting a used airplane to use because Boeing couldn’t build a new 757 within a reasonable amount of time.

    THERE MIGHT BE LISTENING DEVICES

    Okay, then.

    (And I really miss <BLINK> at this point….)

    So, try and catch up on things like Netflix queue. But I get distracted by other things. MS brain fog is a real thing.

    I’m Okay With This

    Yes, I’m trying to start a Substack based on a meme.

    But it’s kind of how I’m feeling.

    Why? Today is my first day of disability. It’s short-term disability now, but should transfer to long-term disability sometime this summer.

    There’s a few reasons why I’ve chosen to finally take this. I could portray it is entirely benevolent — my absence means others keep their jobs, but, really, I’m just finished.

    It’s taken me a long time to accept that, but it’s where I am.

    What really pushed me over the edge on it was a dream I had. I’d wake up, work out, take care of the dog, shower, clean, write, cook dinner, spend the evening with my wife.

    My doctors have been kind of pushing me in that direction for a few years now. 50 is my next milestone birthday. My dad and both of his brothers didn’t make 60. Okay. Let’s do this.

    I’m okay with it.

    It’s going to be different, but it’s somewhat refreshing.

    Tempted to go and play Let Go.

    At the same time, there’s a bit of “here we go,” too. All of that happened, and it’s time for something different.

    I’ve started setting up a Substack so I can draw some income. Technically I can’t be working while I’m on disability, and will probably have my disability payments reduced based on earnings, but it seems to be the thing to do. Given that basically nobody reads here, anyway, I don’t expect anything significant.

    We’ll see where it goes.

    Counting Down The Saturdays

    This week has been about trying up loose ends preparing for the next chapter. Am I going to miss the routine of day-to-day doing something that could end in absolute disaster if I’m not there.

    Still bouncing things around about what to do. Whether or not I can earn money on them is far less-important; seeing the arrangement I’m going to have is okay. I really can’t find a better word for it, unfortunately; I’m tired of trying to have other people think I’m just like anyone else physically. I’m not. My protestations to the contrary should probably be met with more than a little skepticism.

    What I need to learn to do is not try and find things into which I can throw myself to distract me from the mundane that used to consume so much of my time previously.

    Fake TwiX account that’d needle some? Hm. Is there someone else who could do this better than I could? Certainly. Am I going to blow the idea off because I don’t have a co-conspirator interested? Almost certainly.

    So, in addition to work stuff, I’ve been running numbers, and making some planes. Short-term Disability until the fall. Probably long-term after that. It’s going to be a pretty significant income cut, but the past few years, for me, have been about doing as much as I possibly can to spare huge tax bills. I’m absolutely certain that there’s someone not far from where I live who’d argue that I’m not paying “my fair share.”

    Got it.

    We can live somewhat-comfortably really about until my expected end-of-life.

    Speaking of that, got news that one of my longest employers died.

    When i was getting into the media, I’d heard so many things about how awful iit was to work for him. Maybe it was due to the odd hours I worked most of my time there, but I didn’t have very many experiences with him that you could say were negative.

    I did have an instance where I thought I was going to be fired. I was working overnights, doing live assist on things like Coast To Coast AM while prepping for the morning shows. I also inherited a big share of the IT work because I knew how to use free-as-in-beer software (yes, most of it was free as-in-speech, but the in-beer part was biggest concern). After one of the first I’d helped prep for Y2K, helped in the cleanup after Melissa, Badtrans, etc.

    The promotions staff were trying to send an email announcement about some event to people who’d subscribed to the station mailing list(s).

    All of this was tied to a single server on probably about a 40Kbps fractional T1. The message wasn’t huge, but sending thousands of them over a small pipe took a long time.

    I’d gotten off the air at 0600 and gone home. The promotions person sent the email probably just before lunchtime.

    I got the first call about the fact that it was taking forever about 1p. I came to, checked the queue, and things were moving, but it was taking a long time.

    A lot of the pipe was also being used by other staff doing their normal day-to-day tasks. It’d take a while, but it would finish if the server hadn’t crashed so far. (Mind you, this was probably like a 166 MHz Pentium with about 24M of RAM.)

    After that disruption, and I did have to work that night, I got another call probably about two hours later.

    The sponsor still hasn’t gotten hist email.

    Log back in

    It’s still running. Sorry. It’ll go when it goes.

    Bob is getting really upset that it’s taking so long.

    Half asleep, I exclaimed something like “Fuck Bob! It’ll be done when it’s done.”

    He was listening on the call to me. Maybe he urged the staff to call me. I don’t know.

    Oh shit, I’m gonna get fired.

    Probably 36h later, I got word that he was upset, but he understood. And that I needed to mind my manners.

    Sir, yessir.

    After I left, he was always very hospitable towards me. I wrote about one of those instances here. His analysis of the crappy little company where I went to work will remain with me forever. I’m saddened by the loss, as I was by the loss of Lisa. No, I didn’t get rich, but I learned things I never would have been able to otherwise.


    So, what else?

    Current gig filling holes where I can, preparing for my exit, trying hard not to point and say, “I told you so.” But I did. I’ll be heading off, now, and it’s your. Maybe there would have been a way to keep me, but that train’s probably already gone. Oh well.

    What am I going to do with a basically open summer for the first time in who knows how long…

    Un

    Could have so many meanings. Certainly the French one for “one” doesn’t really fit given my prolificness writing, but it’s what comes to mind as I’m fumbling around this Saturday.

    So, what’s up?

    Well, a lot of the past week has been spent trying to figure out my future; I’ll soon be Unemployed.

    You know, I’ve stuck around in my current gig for a few years longer than I probably should have for myriad reasons. Am I ready to be finished working? Kinda. I’m tired, and my health has worsened with regards to the MS. At the same time, improvements in other aspects have really returned sorta-normal life to me. I’m not seeing the entry I wrote following doing something really mundane, getting my teeth cleaned, on a random weekend morning. and it being kind of unremarkable. I didn’t have to preplan for days ahead to go ahead and do this normal thing.

    I should be enjoying this, but I’m not. At the same time, while I should enjoying my newfound normalcy, things were still really disrupted by the pandemic nonsense, reactions to Trump, etc.

    So I’ve stayed put, dealt with being Unappreciated, and tried to do the best I could for the company that’s employed me for the past six years.

    Late last week, I was informed that my services would not be needed after 9 May.

    Hm. Okay.

    Do I just go quietly, with my departure largely unnoticed? It’d make a ton of sense, but with some of what I’ve gleaned from my discombobulated employer, I guess I should take a peek.

    Maybe what’s happened is unfair, but I thought it was the correct approach to take.

    Salaries haven’t kept up with inflation, that’s for sure. I could probably find something that pays roughly what I’m earning now, full-telecommute guaranteed, outside government. My wife out-earns me now, and she’s really only been working professionally for a few years.

    I could fret about it, but it seems like an unproductive use of my time. The unanswered question is whether I want to work for a couple more years or not.

    I don’t know.