August 2016

Twenty

I searched for Porky Pig doing “That’s All, Folks,” but I couldn’t find something worth embedding.

Today is the last day I’m writing in this stretch. It’s time.

Am I very satisfied with this month of writing? I don’t know. Maybe I mailed it in a bit in a few places, but I’m showing that I’m still capable of doing it.

So, what else am I still capable of? I guess we’ll find out.

Last night, my wife and I finished binge-watching Silicon Valley.. She was very reluctant, but has grown to appreciate it.

As I’ve said, watching that does spark the desire to do something that’s different than what I’ve been doing. I want to be working on something interesting. What I’m doing now is really just dotting lower-case Js, making sure little Fs are crossed.

My skills have wanted somewhat, largely because I haven’t had the financial means, or the energy to do anything terribly interesting. (And here’s the part where I’d snipe about naming names, etc., but….) For the past few years, I’ve done what I needed to do to get through the day, and not much else.

That is no way to live.

So, as I said yesterday, I’m excited about the opportunities for the next few rest of the year. (And the start of yet another year of my life.)

I know there’s some obstacles I’m going to have to face, starting with more discomfort courtesy medical professionals. My rent is also going up by the outrageous amount of twenty dollars per month. So, another year in Norfolk. I’m okay with this.

I’m still looking for topical suggestions for November. Post a comment on one of my entries, or email me.

I’m also happy I’ve found my old OD writings. It’s interesting to go back over what I wrote way back when. (An incredible one is at the end of this entry….wow)

Now it’s time to go find something to eat, maybe, and figure out what I’m doing for the rest of the day.

Something Stupid – 2/19/2002

I received this in my e-mail account at school. Interestingly enough, minority enrollment has dropped 50% over the past three years. I have edited out the name to protect the guilty.

Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 07:52:32 -0500
Subject: Special Lunch

Harbor Lights invites you to join us for
Black History Lunch
Today from 11:00 until 2:00
The Menu will be as follows

Louisiana Fried Catfish
Southern Style Baked & Fried Chicken
Carolina Pulled Pork BBQ
Baked Macaroni & Cheese
Candid Yams
Seasoned Collard Greens
Stewed Tomatoes
Hot Corn Muffins
Hot Cobbler Bar
Plus the Salad Bar and your drink for $5.25!

Twenty

Name foods you disliked as a kid, but crave now. Describe the opposite, too.

How much space do I have to write about this? There are so many.

I still don’t like half-chickens (eggs). Still not a big fan of entrails (liver, gizzards, etc.).

A lot of where I am these days, though, is if something doesn’t smell bad, I’ll try it. This is something I can do before those senses dull. (Yes, loss of the sense of smell, and taste is an MS symptom).

Speaking of that, one of those symptoms felled me hard today getting off the bus. That leads me to how I’m planning on approaching this;. Instead of gathering all my prompts beforehand, I’m just going to freelance, and work on whatever comes to mind as I write.

Part of that was seeking prompts from the Mouthy Broadcast folks. The question was something that I’d rather not reproduce in polite company (as if that really mattered, but….), but that, combined with today’s tumble lead me to: what’s the worst pain you’ve ever been in?

Today’s fall isn’t it, but I hurt a lot. It was so uncomfortable, I spent the money on an Uber home instead of waiting for another bus.

Nineteen

Writing early because I didn’t sleep well, again.

Today, I write about my condition. I’ve tired to avoid that, but it’s important that I do. Yesterday’s entry has what I wrote back in November 2010.

From 2010: I mean, the biggest thing, probably, is that people kind of think the worst about the progression — that I’m going to be a complete cripple within five years.

That hasn’t happened, despite a few disease exacerbations, and a long path finding the right treatment. I carry a cane when I’m out of my house these days, and have trouble going down stairs. My vision is also horrible.

I really stopped driving in the middle of 2012. Yes, a bit of an accident prompted that; I hit a spare tire that’d fallen off of a truck right in front of me in heavy traffic. When I tried to drive, again, toward the end of that year, I was having trouble working the clutch, reading the speedometer, and seeing red lights. (Yeah, a red light against a green tree? Good luck with me seeing that.)

But, on top of the physical problems, my horrible work situations haven’t helped. There’s a handful of people I’d just assume I never speak to again. I’ve never been spiteful like that, but no money on top of physical pain, disease-related difficulty, brings that on. (The first job after I was laid off was 78% of what I’d been earning. The second was a bit more salary, but no usable benefits.)

Have I been mistreated? You bet. Have I done things I probably shouldn’t have? Probably a couple.

Have some friends really shied away? Yep. Whatever. I could be angry about it, but what’s the point? I have other things to worry about.

All that said, I’m now on a treatment that seems to be working pretty well. I honestly often feel better than I have in years. But the damage is done, and I wonder if/when I’ll get back to living a somewhat-“normal” life.

There’s important work going on that might actually “cure” this disease. No, the treatment doesn’t sound fun at all, but getting my vision back would really make my life better. Studies have been done in the UK, Canada, and Israel with “miraculous” results. You don’t see that sort of language used in in the medical field.

(Essentially, they drill your femurs, gather stem cells, cultivate them, completely kill your defective immune system, then inject the stem cells to rebuild the immune system and repair damage caused by the disease. I’ll spare my commentary about the political implications of this, but I’ll say that I’m excited about the fact that the very-Catholic Georgetown University might be one of the places they try to do this in the US…)

I’m happy with some of accomodation my new job affords me. I’m still getting up-to-speed on some things, but I’m getting by. It’s incredible seeing the struggle ongoing to string along all this expensive legacy stuff.

I also have zero benefits, so my salary is still probably only about what I was grossing in 2007.

But I have a wife I love, and try to learn new things every day.

Tomorrow is the last day of this writing period. Taking suggestions for November, or any time before then. Hopefully, the rest of this year continues with the hopeful pirit I’ve had for the past few months.

Eighteen

Yesterday, I said this would be a free-write day, which is probably good. There’s a lot that’s been running through this scarred brain of mine.

First thing this morning was my really lousy German. The word I was searching for was schadenfreude, but I was thinking about the Dutch-speaking infusion nurse trying to figure out what defenestration meant. (One of the standard things before my infusions is questions about changes in medication or treatment. I said my wife was considering defenestration, but that hadn’t happened yet. She paused, then looked at my quizzically. German and Dutch are somewhat close, so she got the window part, but….). But schadenfreude. Why was I thinking about that? An acquaintance was lamenting that something that’d been produced in not the way he/she would have prescribed isn’t horrible.

Yes, that happens. Fucking deal with it. You don’t have all the answers, and sometimes something you were hesitant about turns out good. The commentary on that admission was equally telling. But when politics is your true religion, admiration of anything an apostate does is unacceptable.

So many things in my life I’ve had to accept that my initial take wasn’t the one that would work. I’m okay with that. Maybe it’s not what I would have thought, but, if it works, so be it. I’ve written about Tom Landry here, before. Part of where he messed up with the Cowboys was trying to do all the things. Stick to the defense, coach, that’s your forte. Roger Staubach would have told you that.

I’ve now forgotten the other thing I wanted to write about. It’s not reiteration of my thing from my twenty months in hell – if your solution to securing a Windows host involves “install Perl,” you’re doing it wrong. (Naturally, the genius to whom I was answering at the time said it was absolutely correct. After all, he’d been “doing this a long time.”)

For tomorrow, I’m going to see if I can update Day 19 from National Journal Writers’ Month back in 2010 (the first year I did it). I will have to see what’s changed. Saturday, of course, is a summation; why I do this, and did I get anything out of it?

Day 19 – On Being Sick – 11/19/2010

“Or, if you are someone with an illness, what is your biggest pet peeve about how others treat you, and what is the best thing anyone has ever done to you or for you since they found out about your illness?”

You know, nothing. What can I say? I mean, the biggest thing, probably, is that people kind of think the worst about the progression – that I’m going to be a complete cripple within five years.

I’ve likely had this disease since I was in my early teens; my neurologist is pretty convinced that my progression is very slow, and that some of my lesions are very, very old.

They also don’t realize that there’s lots of people in the public eye who live and work while dealing with the disease….who’ve also had the disease for a long time, but appear fine.

Best thing someone has done for me? I don’t have a clue when it comes to strangers or acquaintances. My wife (then fiancee) gets more credit than I could ever express for her love, support, and care.

Now seven months after the diagnosis, both of us are moving along. It’s tough, and I probably ask more of her than I ought to…..

Only so many spoons sometimes.

Seventeen

Was it a very good year when you were seventeen?

I’m trying to really think back and remember. Good things? I graduated high school. I had my first really long-term girlfriend. What else, hmmmm…..I started doing radio stuff some, which was something I’d dreamed about since i was very young. I remember hiding under the covers with my AM He-Man radio to listen to Royals’ games.

I’m not sure what else to say. Not going to go all Frank Sinatra, and say “it was a very good year.” It was just things happening, really. Due course, etc. I chose where I was going to go to college.

It does seem like a bit of a blur (says the guy with permanently-blurry vision, but….).

I wasn’t writing then. Maybe if I’d written then I might remember more now. Who knows?

So, for tomorrow, because I’m tired, and a bit miffed about losing my Fitbit, it’s open write day. I’m happy so far that I’ve been able to stick with this this long. I can rattle on when I need to, even if I have trouble reading what I wrote.

Sixteen

Answers in italics are unchanged.

What’s your height? 6’0″
Do you have a pool at your house? I live in an apartment. No.
Do you own a gun? One that blows bubbles, yes.
Favorite color? Blue
Do you get nervous before a doctor’s appointment? Not really as much as I used to. Just one of those things at this point.
What do you think of hot dogs? Yes, please.
What’s your favorite Christmas song? Last couple of years I’ve been partial to Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.
What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water. Sorry, General Ripper, sir.
Can you do push ups? I haven’t tried.
What would you name your daughter if you were about to have one? Marie. I’m a Cajun. It’s kind of a requirement. If, in the very unlikely event we have a kid, I’d like to give him/her a French first name to go along with my French surname. But the chances of fathering a daughter aren’t great; out of 20 kids in the past three generations, there’s only two girls.
What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding band.
Favorite magazine: Reason
What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? This is a joke, right?
Favorite candy? I really don’t know at this point. Candy hasn’t been big on my menu as of late. If I have to choose, it’s normally something like Peanut M&Ms.
Three adjectives to describe yourself? Old. Pedantic. Numb.
Middle Name? Matthew.
Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 1. I’m tired. 2. But not terribly sleepy. 3. Why come I have no fantasy football invites yet?
Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Soda. Gin. Beer.. Although bourbon and rye have probably surpassed Gin. As has coffee. And, for whatever reason, hot weather makes iced tea actually tolerable. I used to hate it when I was a kid.
What is your favorite cartoon? Beavis and Butthead.
Do you recycle? When it’s not a hassle to do so.
Current worry? Getting to the office in the morning.
Best thing in the WHOLE WORLD? my wife.
Favorite place to be? At home with my wife, something good-smelling cooking, and no work the next day.
What do you think of this statement: There’s something wrong with a person who doesn’t like cats, dogs and children? Stereotypes are often wrong. But, yes, those cats would eat you; they’re just not big enough.
Where would you like to go? There.
Do you own slippers? Yes. My wife really doesn’t like me to walk around in the stairwell barefoot. (That doesn’t mean I don’t when I’m just doing something like taking out the trash….)
What color shirt are you wearing? White.
Do you burn or tan? Tan. Mostly.
What color is your couch? Black.
Would you be a pirate? No.
Give a plug for your favorite cause… MS sucks. Find out what triggers it, then figure out how to cure it.
What songs do you sing in the shower? N/A.
Do you like to go camping? Probably not, these days. I’ve grown kind of attached to indoor plumbing.
Who is the most physically beautiful person you know? I have no idea, really.
Funniest movie ever? Dr. Strangelove.
Best bed sheets as a child? Transformers
Worst physical pain you’ve ever had? Didn’t I just write about this? Bad tooth + airplane == zomgpain.
Do you think Tyra Banks is fat? Fat? No. Possibly a Grey? Yes.
How many TVs do you have in your house? Two. Only one is hooked up. I would like one in the bedroom again.
Who would you like to spend the day with today if you could? My wife.
Who would you like to spend the night with tonight if you could? My wife. Duh. Though she may be up late watching the olympics.
Do you consider yourself a nosy person? Not really.
Favorite flavor of ice cream? Vanilla. This has been a source of marital discord recently. Vanilla is a flavor, damnit! In fact, it’s the finest of them.
What is your favorite book? I really don’t know at this point.
What is your favorite chocolate? Belgian.
Favorite alcoholic beverage? Sazerac.
What song do you want played at your funeral? I don’t’ have anything in particular I want.
What were you doing at 12AM last night? Sleeping..
On a scale of 1-10 how wonderful do you think you are? I think my actions warrant at least a hearty 6.5.

Tomorrow is seventeen, which was a very good year. Was it a very good year when you were seventeen?

Fifteen

Mistakes. Name your biggest ones

That, though visually-stunning, a mistake
As I’ve said a few times, not angling for more money from the four-letter company
That trip this morning

I’ll write a bit about number three. I told the scheduler I needed to be at my work site by 7:30 in the morning. They scheduled me for a ride between 6:45 and 7:15. Unless they picked me up at the very end of that time, I’d have made it in by 7:30.

They picked me up at 7:08. Then there were two pickups, and a drop-off before they took me in.

I didn’t get to the office until 8:15. So, yes, I spent more than an hour in the car for a trip that takes twenty minutes.

Ummm….

Life would be a lot simpler if I could still drive.

I’m going to recycle for tomorrow.

yawn survey – 11/11/2011

1. What’s your height? 6‘0”
2. Do you have a pool at your house? I live in an apartment. No.
3. Do you own a gun? One that blows bubbles, yes.
4. Favorite color? Blue
5. Do you get nervous before a doctor’s appointment? Not as much as I used to, but with all the fucked up things docs have done to me the past two years, I’ve got good reason.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Serve their purpose
7. What’s your favorite Christmas song? “Santa’s got a mullet.”
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Something cold for pills. Coffee later.
9. Can you do push ups? No idea. My eyes get weird when I exercise.
10. What would you name your daughter if you were about to have one? Marie. I’m a Cajun. It’s kind of a requirement. If, in the very unlikely event we have a kid, I’d like to give him/her a French first name to go along with my French surname. But the chances of fathering a daughter aren’t great; out of 20 kids in the past three generations, there’s only two girls.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding band.
12. Favorite magazine: Reason
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? This is a joke, right?
14. Favorite candy? Caramel. Or taffy.
15. Three adjectives to describe yourself? Old. Pedantic. Numb.
16. Middle Name? Matthew.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? 1. I’m losing interest in this survey. 2. I care absolutely nothing about what’s on TV right now. 3. I’m getting sleepy.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: Sushi, Beer, Pizza. And that all dates back to Wednesday night. I didn’t leave my apartment between about 10p Wednesday, and 6p tonight.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Soda. Gin. Beer.
20. What is your favorite cartoon? Beavis and Butthead.
21. Do you recycle? Yes.
22. Current worry? Christmas presents.
23. Best thing in the WHOLE WORLD? my wife.
24. Favorite place to be? At home with my wife, something good-smelling cooking, and no work the next day.
25. What do you think of this statement: There’s something wrong with a person who doesn’t like cats, dogs and children?
Stereotypes are often wrong. But, yes, those cats would eat you; they’re just not big enough.
26. Where would you like to go? Chemically-induced coma.
27. Do you own slippers ?Nope.
28. What color shirt are you wearing? Blue.
29. Do you burn or tan? Tan. My pale wife and mother hate me for it.
30. What color is your couch? Black.
31. Would you be a pirate? No.
32. Give a plug for your favorite cause… MS sucks. Find out what triggers it, then figure out how to cure it.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? N/A.
34. Do you like to go camping? Probably not, these days. I’ve grown kind of attached to indoor plumbing.
35. Who is the most physically beautiful person you know? I have no idea, really.
36. Funniest movie ever? Dr. Strangelove.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Transformers
38. Worst physical pain you’ve ever had? Bruised kidney. Painful, and you get to pee blood!
39. Do you think Tyra Banks is fat? Fat? No. Possibly a Grey? Yes.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Just one right now. In the bedroom, there’s a cable box attached to a computer monitor. It works.
41. Who would you like to spend the day with today if you could? My wife. And I’ve done just that, even though I worked eight hours.
42. Who would you like to spend the night with tonight if you could? My wife. Duh.
43. Do you consider yourself a nosy person? Sometimes. Not so much for personal gossip.
44. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Vanilla.
45. What is your favorite book? I really don’t know at this poit.
46. What is your favorite chocolate? Belgian.
47. Favorite alcoholic beverage? Gin Martini.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I don’t’ have anything in particular I want.
49. What were you doing at 12AM last night? Trying to fall asleep.
50. On a scale of 1-10 how wonderful do you think you are? I think my actions warrant at least a hearty 6.5.

Fourteen

Up way early again. Maybe I can fall asleep again now that I’ve taken my morning pills, etc..

So, onto the prompt…

Mistakes. Name your biggest ones.

I’ve touched on it a bit, but the answer, without question, is taking the job I took in February 2013. The only bright spot are a few of the people I met there.

It’s incredible how strongly these old businesses are trying to stick to whatever magical system they spent twenty years creating, even though there’s much cheaper, just as effective ways of operating.

At the same time, those shirts with the white collars, suspenders cost lots of money.

This pre-packaged news item just used the phrase, “intellectual property.” Shaking my damn head. But the guy with twenty-six store-bought certs, and the white collared shirts probably thinks that’s a real neat thing.

Time to deal with the prompt for the final Monday….What do you have planned for this week? Yes, it’s a cop-out, but I’m trying to run through my list.

Thirteen

Yesterday, I forgot to give a prompt for today.

My mistake.

This is one of the things that happens when you’re sleep-deprived, maybe. I didn’t write prompts for this month. I will need to make sure I do that for November.

For tomorrow: Mistakes. Name your biggest ones.

I’ve also discovering something I never knew about before with my TV service(s). When I was young, the TV-on-demand stuff was always pay-per-episode stuff. Consequently, I didn’t ever even venture towards those offerings. I’d see my wife go through the on-demand offerings on our cable service with trepidation about what was going to show up on my next sky-high bill.

They didn’t show up.

Something new she’s showed me. Like that pirogues (last night’s dinner) can be good. Living in South-Central PA for a year in high school, they were one of the local specialties. I wasn’t impressed. I also wasn’t interested in eating scrapple.

Back to the On-Demand, this has been good for me catching up with stuff like Silicon Valley.

The next two days, though, it’s supposed to be intolerably-hot here again. The fall can’t get here soon enough. I’m excited to get back to being in the office regularly, being able to walk outside without collapsing.

As I was digging through archives trying to find something to write about, I decided to dig back to when I left radio. This is what I wrote:

Sometimes it is about the money – 10/27/2005

I went and interviewed for the new job this morning. He wrote an offer letter on the spot.

It’s double what I’m making now.

I went to the radio station to see if they could give me a raise….not match, but enough to keep me.

Nope.

I start November 10th.

My last day at the radio station is November 9th. Seven years and two days after I started working there.

I’m also selling off my stock in my side business, which in some ways pains me more than leaving radio, because I really wanted to make a go of it.

And money talks
I hate to listen
But lately it’s been screamin’ in my ear

I seriously need a drink.

Or twelve.

Twelve

Early in the morning, because my body decided to wake me.

After I got it to settle, I couldn’t fall back asleep. This is one of the things I have to deal with. Honestly, it’s the sort of thing I’ve dealt with for a long time, but, normally I fall into a rhythm. There’s no way for me to go get hopped up on caffeine and nicotine at Waffle House, so I will probably be dragging come midday.

Onto the survey….

1. Kirk or Picard?
Kirk. For a variety of reasons. When I was 22, and originally took this, I made some comments about Picard. I probably wouldn’t talk bad about him today, but he does lack leadership qualities I find important; he doesn’t inspire. Yes, Kirk is reckless. At the same time, that seat-of-the-pants decision-making inspires confidence in the crew. Plus, they actually like him.

All that said, age has taught me that Benjamin Sisko.
2. What’s your favorite Jello flavor?
Lime
3. What’s your opinion of voicemail/answering machines.
I really don’t miss using them. Telephony is one of those things Carly Fiorina helped kill.
4. Chevy or Ford?
If I could still drive, I still wouldn’t buy a Chevy after what they did with the bankruptcy in 2009. I did own a Ford for something like six years. I liked that car a lot. It was fun.
5. Billy, you like movies about Gladiators?
Not really.
6. Mac or Win?
I’m writing this on a Mac, so I guess that says something. At the same time, Microsoft has really done a lot to make Windows suck less. Using my Windows 10 work computer doesn’t really bother me. Same goes for my wife’s school computer. I’m honestly a bit lost with Linux these days; count me as a system hater, maybe.
7. What do you think about Dr. John Gray?
I honestly don’t remember, and am too lazy to STFW. Was he the one who wrote Men are from Mars, or whatever? My lack of knowledge should say that I don’t have a strong opinion.
8. What are your vices?
I’ve tried to be better about them lately. No need to enumerate.
9. What do you think of Jerry Springer?
Old news. I’m sure the citizens of Cincinnati don’t miss him.
10. What do you think of the OD?
I miss it, certainly. I’m really happy I found my archive. There’s a lot of fluff, for sure, but there’s also a lot of memories there. I have friends I’ve kept. There’s a few people I wonder about from time to time, but… It did help fill this odd desire I have to write.