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Scarred Brain murmurings

Settling Saturday

Writing late in the afternoon. Didn’t sleep well last night for a variety of reasons. The title is kind of a concentration of some of the suppositions about me.

No, you’re not correct about me, but I’m exhausted trying to disabuse you of your assumptions. It’s exhausting.

I did finally get the problem with the disability payments straightened out Friday. Though I won’t get cost of living adjustments on the private supplement, I will get them on the Social Security Disability benefit.

The SSDI payment, comes from a different fund than the soon-to-be-cut regular Social Security Income fund. The Boomers’ mismanagement of the retirement fund isn’t going to negatively-affect my benefits. For now.

Hmmm.

Initial line of self-degradation deleted; maybe the psychological therapy treatments are working.

The study is going well. I have no idea if I’m getting a medication or placebo. The discomfort I was experiencing the first few weeks seems to have disappeared; not sure I can really attribute it to the drug (or placebo), as it kicked off before I started taking the pills.

The physical therapist is very pleased with my progress. I am moving better.

So, prompt….

When have I listened to my gut and it was right?
What helped me trust it in that moment?

I really don’t know. I made so many bad decisions since my layoff in 2013. Not trusting my gut on the salary on the first gig following was really a mistake. Could I have waited for something better? Maybe. But I didn’t.

The ensuing hard times led us to where we are now.

*resigned shrugs*

Could I have stopped working sooner than I did? Sure. But I thought I could help, and I wanted to see the changes.

But my body didn’t let me do that.

So, what’s left?