Author: sean

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4

Today I wanted to free write. Sarah thinks that it’s a cop-out, but I was really tired yesterday.
I’m still tired, but the Tysabri infusion is starting to kick in.
Today’s accompaniment to writing The Fifth Column. They’re discussing Kmele’s soon-to-arrive daughter. Lots of birthdays, right around now, too.
*does the math*
Valentine’s Day.
But today is my grandfather, a few FB friends. Next week is my mother and brother.
Facebook’s been bouncing back and forth with college memories, since a former classmate is involved in a rather heated race for the Virginia House of Delegates. Mike and I had some political and philosophical differences back then, but I think he’s a good guy. Does it mean that if I lived in that district I’d vote for him? No, but that’s more about his partisan allegiance. But not because of a picture taken during a game of Beer Pong decades ago.
A lot of what I’m seeing from his party, though, is rank patronage. That their gubernatorial candidate is a VMI product illustrates that beautifully. With all the Kevin Spacey innuendo going around, his description of knocking the Citadel ring speaks to the boys’ network.
I’m not a part of that. My family is too poor, too Catholic, not white enough, etc..
But speaking of Byrd Organization products, I haven’t been back to read my entry from yesterday. I’m sure it’s disjointed, but that’s kind of my existence these days. The situation with health insurance is incredibly frustrating.
There’s a lot of choices that put me in this position, but so far as science can tell, nothing I did led to my physical condition. I had symptoms before I did any of the sorts of things that might be considered deleterious.
Maybe one of these crowd-sourcing pleas would be appropriate to pay for my health care.
I’ve tried, professionally, to take positions that’ll keep me cared-for. What do I have to show for it? The prospect of paying over $1,000 a month for health insurance next year.
With that, though, I can’t go up on the roof of my building with a glass of Scotch, and a cigar before it’s too cold.
Ummm….
Is there anything else I’d really like to write about? No, not really. The Saints are in first place, which probably surprises people. But, then, you might could attribute it to the Failcons doing what they do best.
I’m anxious to get back to OD to write.
But, much like the cigar and Scotch, will I have money to spend on it?
Tomorrow’s prompt: Would you read a controversial book, such as “Mein Kampf” or “The Communist Manifesto”?

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3

Once again, this is kinda incomplete. A result of getting home late, not being able to write during the day.
Since I email these back and forth to myself, I game mysel the subject of “Tres Commas,” since it’s the third.
Mmmmm. Tequila. Silicon Valley.
Yes, this could be a good weekend once the new season is out.
Onto today’s prompt….
Biggest challenge you have faced so far?
It would be easy for me to say, “Multiple Sclerosis,” but that’s not entirely true.
The MS, atop the thorough fucking I’ve taken by several jobs, makes it tough.
The employment experience before this one, and the ultimate lack of success therein, I will say is partially my fault.
That one, the combination of health problems landed me in the hospital thrice during the fifteen months I was there; a night in September, two in October, two more in June.
At the same time, I was so out-of-it after the situation with MSC and CACI, that maybe I didn’t really care anymore. Maybe in a way, I still don’t.
There was no reason I should have seen my salary return to what it’d been in 2006 at the behest of a criminal. I accepted the job, because it was the only thing available, and we needed the money. If someone hears from him in Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass prison in Texas, ask him if he’s proud of himself.
So, despite a serious lack of compensation, I’ve kept working. II’ve done what I needed to do to try and keep my wife and myself above water.
I am tired, though. Since 2012, I’ve not had a solid week off. When I say, “solid,” I mean time off without concern about where the next paycheck is coming from.
I really don’t feel like writing a lot more about all this, though. The fuck-you-I-got-mine crowd can keep despairing about the 2016 election. I don’t have the energy. It must be nice….
And back to writing now. As I told my wife as she’s pouring over the plans from the Federal Exchange, I think she’s understanding why I was so upset yesterday.
Essentially we’re being forced to accept a plan from my employer knowing full well that my job could end soon, and I’d be on very expensive COBRA.
Bubuhbut you’re supposed to get insurance through your job!!1!
And people who are in comfortable situations are in the fuck-you-I-got-mine mindset.
I just don’t care to deal with them anymore.
Tomorrow?
Free Write

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2

Do you ever feel conflicted when someone you admire comes under controversy?
I had to look at this one before I got in the shower this morning so I’d have some time to think about it.
Considering it, though, I don’t know that there’s anybody I really admire who’s “fallen,” so to speak.
I mean, I remember celebs getting in trouble for stuff.
Magic Johnson
Pete Rose
OJ
Peewee Herman
I guess, though, there wasn’t a single one that really shattered my world. As I’ve aged, the softer I am on many, many things.
Magic was a playa.
rose liked to bet on sports. He’s no Art Schlichter, but…
OJ, well, he probably murdered his ex-wife. I say, “probably,” because there’s no way I could have convicted him beyond a reasonalbe doubt. LAPD seriously screwed up that case. You take a suspect’s blood to the crimescene, and can’t figure out what happened to part of the sample? Really?
As for Peewee, well I’ve never, and would never do that in a movie theater.

The above is what I’d jotted down on the prompt, but my mind really is elsewhere this evening.
Thanks to the wonderful health care system established during the last Presidential Administration, I’m really worried about being able to continue getting my treatment.
My company’s insurance barely covers the medication, and the HR services firm couldn’t tell me how much the treatment would cost.
Further, there is always great potential that this job could go away. Paying for COBRA would cost over $1,000 per month.
The cheapest plan from the Federal exchange, also costs more than $1,000/mo. What we currently have costs nearly $700/mo..
Note that this is all after-tax money.
Onto tomorrow’s prompt…
Biggest challenge you have faced so far?
I think I could segue into that one from today’s problems. The initial bit might say it’s the MS, but, really, that’s just a complicating issue.

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1

Introduction. Why am I doing this, and how long have I been doing it?
This is year eight. Why am I doing it? Well, because it’s something that settles my brain, and gets me ready for the end of the year.
I can look back, and see what I’ve done over the past year, and maybe write a bit about other things on my mind.
In the month of writing leading up to my birthday, I was kind of spiraling. I was unemployed, poor, and trying to decide where to go next. Thankfully, I was able to find work, albeit not what I was hoping for.
But it pays the bills. Sorta.
Things really got knocked askew in May, when we were forced to move out of the place where I’d been living since 2007.
The new place is considerably smaller, but it’s also a lot more expensive. I don’t know that we’ll be staying terribly long.
I admit that I’ve not really put out my prompts for the month. I do have some of the ideas my wife helped me put together stashed aside. I also have some birthdays I’ll write about. ArmisticeVeterans’ Day. Thanksgiving.
Purportedly, Open Diary, where I wrote pretty regularly from 1999 until its closure in 2013, is returning sometime soon. I am also writing on ProseBox.
I think, though, what I’m going to do is end each entry with what I’m going to write about tomorrow.
Do you ever feel conflicted when someone you admire comes under controversy?
Maybe this weekend, I’ll get this better set up. We’ll see. On my lousy blog, my wife may be joining in on the fun.
I would write more, but today’s been incredibly long. I did get my infusion this afternoon, so by the end of the weekend, I expect my energy level to be back to peak.

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NoJoMo Ep. Eight

Yes, I am planning to write this November. Yes, I have plenty of writing topics, largely due to my wife’s efforts.
I am weeding through, and trying to decide which ones I’ll use.
Definite targets:
Three free-writes, including 30 November.
Thanksgiving plans.
Thanksgiving recap.
Veternas’ Day.

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Summer Writing

20

So, yes, this is the last post of this writing streak.
My mother came down yesterday with presents/wishes/etc.. After showing her the rooftop party area of our building, we went to Doumar’s for dinner. I think I’d like to go to Waffle House, so my wife and I may go tonight or tomorrow.
And, before you ask, smothered, usually covered, and sometimes chunked.
So, scorecard on this session.
Adherence: B+ I’ve not missed a day after the initial disruption. I did make up for the two days I missed along the way.
Content: C+ I’ve really been writing off-the-cuff. Yes, I’ve used some short prompts in many entries, but I’ve not devoted full entries to most of the prompts. Previously, I’d sampled heavily from from previous writing months. With the disruptions in my life, I didn’t really have time to prepare as I normally would.
The last week, of course, has been influenced by the things in Charlottesville, plus whatever was coming out of Washington.
Unlike those with hard-line political allegiances, I’m disgusted with “both sides'” responses. Despite Terry McAuliffe’s impassioned statements, you’re not either with the Antifa thugs, or the Neo-Nazis and Confederates. To me, you’re with freedom, or you aren’t. When groups like the ACLU ruin the hastily-assembled political narrative, it’s an endless stream of derision over social
and broadcast media. That makes you different and better than the President how, exactly?
Distribution: C I originally gave myself a C-, but why would be I giving myself pluses and minuses on all these? I did get things working well enough on this oh-so-broken VM to get the content up, and posted it faithfully to PB. Between Oracle’s destruction of MySQL, and Debian’s disaster with systemd, I’ve got a mess I really haven’t had the time or energy to address. If I had good income, still, I’d be building a virtualization host where I could set something up with an operating system I actually enjoy using to get this out. Part of that speaks to what I’ve been targeting in many areas of life — starting from zero.
I know I’ve made mistakes, and my physical problems really limit where I could go. But the physical problems, ultimately, are less limiting than some other things. I want to get as close to the bare minimum as I can, where I can start rebuilding. If I come out of this without a cent to my name, but my wife by my side, that’s good for me.
So, yeah, I’m stopping there. Tomorrow, I’ll inch closer to being a man. The Sun will dim, and I’ll keep digging for something new.
And so it goes.

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Summer Writing

19

Winding down to the end, here.
Tomorrow will be free-write, so I’ll use one of my last remaining prompts. The unused ones, including the list I can’t seem to concentrate on to write.
Do you believe that some people are born lucky, while some are born unlucky?
I don’t know. I do think there’s a lot of benefits you get from your parentage, and where you went to school.
Even if you’re basically worthless, if you attended a private high school, and a prestigious university, you “start on third base.” I think back to being in the field with a bunch of ROTC cadets from William and Mary. They were discussing which boarding schools they attended for high school. I didn’t offer, “I went to Menchville.” *flash gang sign*
Bernie Sanders will rattle on and on about free college. The Democrat nominee for governor sets his sights even lower, offering opportunities for trade school or internships.
One of the few things I found fascinating about the Trump cabinet is the incredible background diversity. It’s not like the last few presidents, packed with Ivy League products. Indiana. Michigan. Georgia. Even Texas A&M.
Part of that might have been my military upbringing; it doesn’t really matter where you came from, if you can do the job, you’re successful. I suppose I should have seen that that only goes so far. My dad attended the Army War College. I went to high school with the kids of a bunch of the names that’d be in the news during the Iraq and Afghanistan campaigns. Even some of the finest officers didn’t end up pinning on a bunch of stars.
Back to the VMI ring-knocker who’s the Democratic nominee — how far would he have gotten if he wasn’t wearing that big class ring? The most famous alumnus from CNU draws a web comic with stick figures.
There’s things that could be done to remedy some of this, but I doubt it’ll ever be seriously attempted. Someone gets where he/she is based almost entirely on patronage, and that’s okay. If you’re not born into a high position, you can just stay in your place.

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Summer Writing

18

As the morning progresses, I get to spend the day dealing with the Virginia Employment Commission who’ve, for whatever reason, frozen my account with them. Probably going to have to make a trip to the office in near-triple-digit heat.
It’s frustrating.
And this is where I start retelling something I’d already bitched about.
Only one NFL preseason game tonight. I don’t know if I can see it here in my involuntarily-imposed regular TV-free environment.
**UPDATE**
That’s sorta straightened-out now, and I don’t have to go out in the heat.
Guilty food pleasure
I don’t really know?
Even though I’m not nauseated all the time these days, there’s nothing I really want to ever gorge myself on. I can’t imagine eating more than about a scoop of ice cream.
I really don’t want a huge overcooked piece of meat. Give me a smaller one that’s well-seasoned, and properly-cooked.
I really appreciate quality over quantity.
Nice cocktail to start, amazing food with wine for the meal, and maybe a beer with desert.
Doing those things, though, is really affected by my health and finances. Even if I was feeling up to going out to get something good to eat, I don’t have the money to do it.
So, go work in the restaurant industry?
Yeah, I don’t have the stamina or dexterity to do that, either.
All that said, even hitting the more-affordable options so often results in better finds.
When I was working for the company at the behest of the criminal GS-14, my wife and I took a trip. When we got into town, I was pretty exhausted. Instead of going out to eat somewhere, we ordered delivery to the hotel.
We ended up ordering from some middle-eastern place. I think the whole order ran us about $25, but it was way more food than we could eat. And the food was amazing.
</ Bachelor/Bachelorette>

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Summer Writing

17

I really can’t get motivated to write one of my prompts, so today is free write.
Made some progress yesterday in the employment hunt.  Today’s nearly $700 after-tax payment for health insurance shows why companies are so bent on doing the contract-to-hire bit.
This one recruiter I spoke with yesterday was unwilling to tell me the work location of a job, or the company unless he could call me on FaceTime.  I only got one of the answers before I realized that I wasn’t interested (because the job was in BFE Virginia Beach, and they were firm that there’d be no wiggle room on the C2H time).  I don’t remember which company it was;  the unwillingness to work on the C2H bit made it unworkable.
I still have so many irons in the fire, I’m losing track, honestly.
It’s incredible how little focus I have today.  Coffee time?
My coffee consumption seems to be a bit like when it’s good to eat oysters;  months with an “r.”
If I was going to a Waffle House to watch the eclipse, it might be a different story.

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Summer Writing

16

I was tempted to start with a very long prompt, but realized that I really don’t have the motivation.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.
Two longtime friends have a birthday today.
We’re well in to the form-babby-at-thanksgiving time.
Going through friends/acquaintances….
August 16th: Two
August 17th: None
August 18th: One.
August 19th: At least one, but maybe more.
August 20th: At least one, but maybe more.
August 21st: Uhm….
August 22nd: At least one, but I don’t remember who right now.
I think there was one on the 23rd, too, but, again, memories in my scarred brain are very fuzzy.
Have you ever questioned whether you were correct while everyone else seemed to think you were overreacting?
I don’t know. I don’t think people think I overreact that often. My emotional lability is something I have to watch, but I normally can control. (Yes, that is an MS symptom.)
I think that sometimes people think that I concentrate on inconsequential things.
I was looking for the scene from the epic Pod People about “Burning Rubber Tires.” The only thing I could find on YouTube was a version that was played at like double speed. Well, that, and the MST3K parody of it.
I do tend to key on things, sometimes. Those things are often things that others might find unimportant. Often, though, I focus on them because I notice something with them that might end up being a problem later.
My deteriorating eyesight, however, does make me miss some things most others might notice.
I keep getting distracted while writing this. My phone is blowing up.
No, some dude from Miami, I’m not interested in this health insurance policy you’re trying to sell. No, technical recruiter, I’m really not all that interested in a six-month contract-to-hire so your client can avoid paying benefits.
And, see, I’m so scatter-brained this morning that I chuckled thinking about this: