Category: Uncategorized

That’s the phrase that’s been floating through my scarred brain lately.

And I am/have.

Facebook. Google. Twitter might be next if I can find something that I find to be an adequate replacement.

Sometimes, it’s the only thing left.

I did go see a psychologist a few weeks ago in response to a few issues I’ve been having.

Since probably November, I’ve been having these very disturbing dreams. She thinks I have OCD, which seems to be a bit more common in people with my condition.

My, now years’, of writing every day of a month, is a compulsion.

(As an aside, I moved my 2015 and 2016 archives off the main page; I’m not sure I meant them to be there, anyway.)

Yesterday, we spent most of the day looking at places to rent in the District of Columbia.

Though I’d like to be closer to where I’m working (only one day per week, the rest remotely), and where I’m receiving my medical care, I’m scared that we won’d be able to afford it should something bad happen to me.

Paranoia
Paranoia
Everybody’s coming to get me

And a diversion to watch stuff on YouTube.

But back to writing. I don’t even know. Perhaps it’s something that keeps me humming along.

Today’s thought, after a sleep ended by a dream I’d been thoroughly roughed-up by the security staff at some conference I was attending. It wasn’t something that was terribly of interest to me, but I was there for someone else. (Perhaps this was triggered by my wife mentioning something she wanted to see that’s not of particular interest to me

And delete speculation on the cause of the dream.

On the bright side, however, the compulsions for risk have really dropped off since I spoke to her.

I need to listen to the book she recommended.

And maybe write in May instead of the month leading up to my birthday this year, separate things by six months.

My inclination towards the end of last summer’s writing period was to just not do it again.

But the urge is there, and it’s probably better for me than worrying about where I can find something dangerous to do.

When I say, “dangerous,” it’s rarely something that’s potentially fatal, but just reckless. Where can I find some raw oysters to eat? No, I don’t want to put in my seatbelt in the back of this car.

But odd times, to say the least. My scarred brain is calming down some, thankfully. We shall see. And maybe I express my compulsion in May, instead of July and August.

Headline reference. Reactions to this week’s nonsense with Virginia.

My former Representative, and Virginia’s two senators, called for that yesterday.

.I disagree. Ralphie is a horrible governor, and politician, that’s to be sure. There’s a reason why more than once I set out specifically to vote for his opponents, and against him in Norfolk Democrat primaries. (Norfolk has been a single-party city since the Northern occupiers left in the 1870s.) I do admit that that was more about his undergraduate stint at a state-funded military academy that didn’t admit women until twenty years after the Federal service academies. I also, professionally, cannot name a single Keydet I’ve worked with whose presence didn’t actually detract from the mission at hand….

But, no, I don’t think Ralphie is racist. I think he’s a typical well-to-do Virginia Democrat. Until very recently, proper admiration of the racist party overlords was required to advance.

You can’t just erase that history.

The statues the racists in Charlottesville were concerned about — those were erected by Virginia Democrats.

I almost said I can’t believe that there’s efforts to pretend otherwise. No, it makes complete sense. Erase the past completely, and maybe people won’t point fingers. Nope. Didn’t happen. There’s no record of it.

And even if there was a record of it, all of those racist Democrats, like Fritz Hollings from South Carolina, all became Republicans, right? Erected the Confederate flag over the South Carolina statehouse, went to the Senate, and switched parties.

Oh he didn’t switch parties? My mistake.

But parts of the party’s history, and personal histories of adults involved in it don’t disappear dow the Memory Hole, by just pretending that it never happened because it makes your party look bad.

(Yes, I have a legitimate excuse for whatever I did in 1984; I was a very young child.)

Recruiter called and didn’t leave a message. Called the number back, and, naturally, it’s a huge staffing firm. The person who answered finally figured out who called me, and put him on the phone.

We have an opportunity in (somewhere I don’t live) with (some company who’ll remain nameless).

Uh, no. I’m not in that area, nor will I ever work for (nameless company).

This confused the hell out of him.

Wh-why won’t you work for them?

Because they’re dishonest, and I’m not at all interested in something if I”m not hired as a regular full-time employee.

He still didn’t understand.

Maybe I should have told him just to go fuck himself; perhaps he’d have understood that.

Christmas was okay. Same for the New Year.

Not a lot going on, other than archiving a ton of email off GMail.

Yay for a day to recover, even if I only had one drink to celebrate yesterday.

There is a lot going on right now and I am in a funk.

So today I wanted to discuss the thought of life being fair.

There is stuff that is going on in my family and it brings up some feelings that I just don’t know how to process.  I should be upset, but I’m not.  I really just don’t care about it.

Then I think of something that happened in the past and it makes me angrier.  The most undeserving people are often the ones who receive the most consideration.  And that just pisses me off to the core.

Until tomorrow…

Bonding with strangers.

One of my sister in law’s coworkers came over for dinner with his wife.  I ended up making fast friends with them by sharing our mutual love of food and cooking.  We even traded Instagram account info, so we can keep up with each other’s culinary adventures.

I swear these will get longer and I will stop waiting until the last minute to write.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve really made an effort to really withdraw from social media.  There are many reasons for this.

1.  Google and Facebook.  I was utterly disgusted listening to the Senate testimony a few weeks ago.  The company who used to have the principle of “don’t be evil,” is now okay doing things with repressive governments.  I also noticed that GMail, and Facebook were suggesting friends I’d never even considered connecting with apart from private emails on 757.org.  So, the bits of doubt were planted early.  The testimony, the actions of perhaps less-than-honest mining, and politicans who purportedly represent me, I decided to really curtail things.  Well, that combined with;
   
2. Politics.  I am at odds with the strains of jubilation from people who view me as a heretic, as well as the even older people who trot out other stupid stuff.  I don’t care.  Really.  Everybody thinks I’m evil because… Again, I don’t care.  I am who I am.  I explore ideas that are contrary to my conclusions.  But I shouldn’t be able to do that.  That I might access things not approved by the commissars is a problem.  I’m free to leave. Well, for now.  The strike-through is intentional;  I can leave, and there’s nothing that can stop me.  This is a problem for both businesses and governments.  Sorry.  The Internet, and the math that underlies it, are things that business and government can’t surpress without resorting to the ultimate weapon of government — force.  Fine.  Whatever. 
3. When I chose to withdraw from FB, I jettisoned also G+, and LinkedIn.  G+, of course, had a similar data breech to FB.  I was tempted to say, “purportedly it’s shut down,” but i looked around, and it’s still up.  For now. I’ve complained about LinkedIn before, but it seems to be nothing but recruiters these days.  (Aside:  the legion of corporate recruiters is likely attributable to the major increase of folks graduating with Arts degrees.  Spell too well to work as a Barista?  Don’t worry.  You can work in tech staffing!!1!)
   
4. Google’s decision to push all traffic in Chrome to SSL is a really bad idea.  Hey, it’s sekur, so nobody can look at it.  Except, of course, the totes didn’t use to be evil company, and the NSA.  You’ve also killed off all the sorts of things developed to make Intertubing faster since the web came into being.  I really don’t care that my people can see what banner ads I’m seeing, and those might be cached somewhere else.

I’m preparing to write again in November.  The summer writing went well this year, but I didn’t feel the need to do it.  There’s periods at work when I’m very busy these days, and don’t have the urge to write to kill time.  But I do miss writing.  As the year ends, I might have more to say.ca