sarah – ^H

11.6.18

Update: As of 7:05 this morning, the network seems to be back in the office.

Anger is an interesting emotion. Especially when it needs to be contained at work. So yeah, that’s what’s going on today. Seems my boss might be about double standards and well, I’m not okay with that.

He made me come in the office today for a meeting and then told me that I could take off early to go vote. Today he changes the meeting so that I can’t leave early. On top of that, he added a conference line, even though he told me that it is easier to have this meeting if everyone is present. So what am I supposed to think about this now? I guess I am somehow a lesser part of the team. Well if that’s the case, if/when something interesting comes along, I will feel no allegiance here.

Did make it home in time to vote though.

Until tomorrow…

11.5.18

So today was a day of unexpected events.

Someone in my family showed a side that they don’t normally show, to someone who everyone else in the family believes is undeserving of that kind of reaction, myself included. I find it hard to have a soft spot for someone who I could easily say is pure evil.

On top of that, the workday did not go as planned. About 2 hours into my shift, the phones and the network went down. We tried to set up a hotspot on a phone and that worked okay, but around the middle of the day, we were told to go home and telework. When a coworker tried to video chat with me, we discovered that my laptop camera doesn’t work. So that’s another thing I will have to take care of I guess. I think my coworkers may try to help me figure that out, which hopefully they can and I don’t have to go through IT because I know that will not be a quick process.

I am also wondering if the trip into work in the morning will be pointless or not. Hopefully they have restored service and we can all get back on a normal schedule.

And people wonder why I don’t like surprises.

Until tomorrow…

11.4.18

There is a lot going on right now and I am in a funk.

So today I wanted to discuss the thought of life being fair.

There is stuff that is going on in my family and it brings up some feelings that I just don’t know how to process. I should be upset, but I’m not. I really just don’t care about it.

Then I think of something that happened in the past and it makes me angrier. The most undeserving people are often the ones who receive the most consideration. And that just pisses me off to the core.

Until tomorrow…

11.3.18

Bonding with strangers.

One of my sister in law’s coworkers came over for dinner with his wife. I ended up making fast friends with them by sharing our mutual love of food and cooking. We even traded Instagram account info, so we can keep up with each other’s culinary adventures.

I swear these will get longer and I will stop waiting until the last minute to write.

11.2.18

So I am late on this one. There was a lot going on yesterday, and I ended up getting side tracked. It did give me an idea about what to write about though.

How do you deal with difficult feelings?

There is something going on in my family right now, and I did not react to it the way a normal person would react to something like that. After realizing that, I began to feel guilty. Then I questioned why I felt so guilty. So yeah, that is the where I am at.

How do I deal with difficult feelings, not very well.

Until tomorrow…

11.1.18

Has it really been a year already?

This year I am going to try something a little different. I am going to try and come up with a topic on the day I am writing and not go with a premade list of prompts. We are going to make this artisanal as possible. (Yes, I am part of the millennial generation. Deal.). It’s going to be very Mark-esque from “RENT’. “From here on out, I write without a script, instead of my old shit.”

So today, I think I will tell whoever is reading this a little about this past year. There have been many changes and most of them were unexpected.

We had a blizzard in Tidewater, something that hadn’t happened in I don’t even know how long.

The bigger news from that day was I received a tentative offer from a government job that I had only interviewed for the day before. I have been with them since March and plan to stay with them until the foreseeable future. I enjoy the work and I enjoy the company I keep in the office, mostly.

With this offer came one of the scariest changes of my life so far, moving away from home. Tidewater had been home for almost 18 years of my life, so moving to northern VA was not something I looked forward to, especially not alone, which is what I had to do. Eventually Sean followed and we are currently residing with is brother and his brother’s wife while we get our bearings up here.

I try to go home every couple weeks, but I know as winter comes, that will get harder and harder. Still not sure what the holidays are going to entail and that is a first for me, because my parents used to be a 15 minute drive away. Now it’s more like 4 – 5 hours. I enjoy being on the road by myself. I can think, sing, and just be myself and no one really cares as long as I maintain my speed.

I have started using my FitBit regularly and am seeing results with that. Since August, I have dropped about 18 lbs. I need to be more disciplined in my dinner ideas and my weekly workouts and then I think I will be able to create my ideal body, or at least something closer to it.

I think that is enough for now. Until tomorrow…

12.21.17

I’ve been thinking about something quite a bit lately that I want to get off my chest. I am very discouraged by people who are dismissive of something another person enjoys, just because they don’t find the same enjoyment from it.
You don’t enjoy sex? That doesn’t mean someone who does is a whore or a slut.
Don’t like a certain type of food? Don’t say it’s disgusting and make wretching noises because you see someone else enjoying it.
Don’t like a certain TV show? Don’t watch it, you don’t need to tell anyone else you don’t like it.
I guess the point of all of this is that, if someone’s life isn’t affecting you personally, why do you feel the need to have an opinion on it?
Until next time…

12.12.17

Well, maybe next time. I thought if I didn’t receive an offer I would be devastated. I feel the exact opposite of that right now. Although I did get a rejection, I was also given feedback about what to improve and I was strongly encouraged to apply again. So, I have something that they think would be a fit for them, I just need to improve my articulation and be able to explain how my experience in class will translate to the mission at hand for them.
But I have a 4 hour train ride ahead of me, so get comfy because it is going to be a long one. I would talk about the scenery, but it is December so the sun has set at 4:30. There is a giant Masonic temple at the Alexandria station. I always use it as a guiding beacon when I go into the district. There is graffiti under the bridges and I always enjoy looking at it because the people who create it are talented, even if most would consider it vandalism. There are cows in Woodbridge (who knew?).
The woman sitting in front of me is on the phone with someone who just lost a loved one. The flood of “I’m sorries” makes me think about darker Decembers from the past. It also serves as a reminder that life continues even though we hit bumps in the road. I know that I am supposed to be in the Northern Virginia area, and I know that whatever I do, I want to support the military or the government in some capacity. I wish I had known this when I started college nearly 4 years ago, but then I might not have had the experiences that I have had.
I also think that this trip has been a stepping off point for me. I can do things on my own and live to tell about it. I did everything to prepare for this trip mostly independent of help from other people (Of course, my BIL and SIL were a big help transporting me, giving me a place to stay, and helping me with my pitch), but I had to be the one to overcome my fear of what-ifs in order to get here in the first place.
(The power lines in the river around Quantico have blinking lights on them. Not the normal lights, but ones that blink in an inverted V pattern and go faster than the usual ones on top of radio towers. They are also white instead of red).
Getting back to what I was saying, a few months ago, I wouldn’t have done this. I would have passed up an opportunity for something that might end up being my dream career because I was unwilling to take risks. Every important decision I tried to make was a constant barrage of what-if this?, what-if that?, always the negative consequences of something that might happen if I tried. Well, today I TRIED, I didn’t succeed today from the perspective of going home with a job offer in my hands. I did succeed in gaining knowledge from my interviewers on what I need to improve and the encouragement to try again. That was something I had been missing in my job search.
(Also I enjoy looking at people’s IP names. “Gulag’s Guest” was a favorite.)
Still looking forward to being home and having tomato basil soup and grilled cheese.
Then to prep for my interview on Thursday.
P.s. Amtrak’s Wifi is not that great, so don’t hope to accomplish much if you rely on it.

12.11.17

So today is the day before my interview with DIA. Early start to the morning in order to get the train up to Alexandria, but I made it. I summoned a Lyft and got to the station with plenty of time to spare. Then I slept for a good while until I reached my stop. Now at my SIL and BIL’s place going over what I need to do for tomorrow
SIL is helping me improve my pitch and I think I may actually be able to knock this thing out of the park tomorrow. Then it is the 4 o’clock train back home. It sucks that I don’t get any time in the district on this trip, but if all goes well, I will be getting plenty of time up here.

11.30.17

What did you get out of a month of writing?
Mostly, I got a lot of stuff off my chest. This was helpful because I don’t need to bottle all of that in me. It also helped me work on my typing speed and just let me express thoughts that I didn’t think I could express in any other way.
I plan on keeping it up, even if I might not put in an entry everyday. I enjoyed writing and am a little surprised that I didn’t forget a day (until today, but I was running around a lot).
In the end, I am happy that I stuck to it and was able to keep at it and make it through.
Until next time…