Author: sean

Today’s key? Traceability. If you call me on something, and I make an assertion, rest assured I will back it up.
Recycling more……

NoJoMo Day 4 – 11/4/2012

Since I don’t have a tome for either, I’ll try to address both writing prompts. Instead of an extra hour of sleep, I’ll attempt an extra few minutes of writing.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?

At this point, normalcy. It’s very absent for anyone with somewhat fragile health. I have my soulmate. I had professional potential (though I have my doubts about it since my vision started going). The routines in life, however, are gone — possibly forever. I can’t know on a day-to-day basis how I’m going to feel, whether I’ll be up to whatever I have planned.

That’s put a strain on many other relationships I had. My wife is understanding; she sees what’s going on. Others don’t. But I don’t look sick! Yeah, and you don’t look stupid; looks can be deceiving.

I don’t feel comfortable around other family members for other reasons, too. There’s been a lot of bereavement in the past few years. Nothing, other than this little apartment with my wife, feels like “home.” When we stayed with my mom last year during Irene, it just felt strange. Visiting my grandfather and uncle after my dad died felt strange.

Thanksgiving with her parents will be a bit more comfortable (I am starting to feel a bit more at home at her parents’ place…..it has taken six years, but….), but I’ll be worried about what my mom is doing.

2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs.

Uhhh…..<b>I have MS</b>. I have lots of “strange” things. Some of them aren’t terribly noticable if you’re not paying attention. My left foot doesn’t point straight ahead. My gait is weird. I can’t run at all. My eyes do weird dances. Restless Leg Syndrome? Uh, no. But I do have similar twitches.

I also have “angry hands.” I do do this thing where I interlace my fingers when I’m frustrated with something.<hr>
*yawn*
Yeah, time to post up, and try to sleep. Aint’s aren’t until Monday night. But watching Eli Manning beat the Falcons will suffice.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?
Last time, I said, “normalcy.”  If I’d known then what I know now, I don’t know that I would have wished for something different, really.  I was completely consumed with my health, not taking into account that on some of the important parts of life, I did have normalcy.
Now, though, I’m aiming to get back to where I was then, financially.  I’m still earning less money than I did then.  I’m not at all secure, financially.  At the same time, what I’m ready for is something new and satisfying.  What I’m doing now is somewhat related to one of my stops in the intervening years.  But it still is a fucking cesspool  Though my main problem before is gone, his mentality pervades.
It takes time to win hearts and minds;  will I be able to do it?  Do I have the stamina?
2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs
Since the last time, I’ve started carrying a cane.  I really have problems going down stairs, as my balance is wonky, and I can’t feel my feet.  I also need to tilt my head to the right in order to be able to walk in a straight line.  The angry hands have subsided a lot.  A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I often have my hands above my head to stretch my diaphragm.

What I wrote in 2012:
NoJoMo Day 1 – 11/1/2012
—————————————————————————
Writing Prompt: What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?

Have spent a lot of time considering what I should choose for this; I don’t focus much on past accomplishments. Not terribly long ago, I was complaining about the Captain Philip Francis Queeg school of management. Queeg, of course, spent his entire career trying to recreate his few moments of adequacy. I try hard to avoid that.

My focus, professionally, is creating a workable solution at a low cost. Sometimes finding that solution requires setting aside what you’ve done in the past, and re-examining everything.

Getting married has definitely affected my evaluation criteria. Things I would have taken pride in as a single dude really aren’t important anymore. Woohoo! I drank an entire six pack in one sitting! Big fucking deal to most frat boys. My wife, however, would be disgusted by that behavior.

So, since I can’t isolate a single thing, I’ll just throw some things out of which I’m proud:

1. That I married someone who might possibly be my perfect partner.
2. That I’ve yet to miss a dose of any of my MS meds, now more than two years’ into taking them.
3. That I am dedicated to work, despite more than ample reason not to be.
4. My service to others. Some of it is kind of thankless, but…. The vast majority of it’s been without compensation. Is it satisfying when something I put together is still functional years after its expected demise? You bet. As far as I know, there’s systems in use at former jobs. My old company, whose name I will not mention, is still selling things I designed. Something I put together now almost seven years ago is still chugging along. And so on.
4. That I surpassed the 2,000 entry mark, and didn’t even notice it.
5. That I’ve been responsible elsewhere in my life last few years. I was reckless when I was younger. I admit that now. Yes, being sick has sapped my reckless abandon on some things, but I’d started down that path before I knew I was sick.
6. Forgiveness. I’ve gotten better about it. Those who’ve harmed me may not be as dear as they once were, but I’m still civil. When I was younger, I probably wouldn’t have been.

So, is there a lot to point to, there? Yes. Is there a “crowning achievement?” No. (Though number one comes awfully damn close…..I still haven’t figured out how I pulled that one off while still being myself….) I’m okay with that.

I did delete the comments.  Now again….
What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?
I could go a lot of different ways on this one, but I don’t know if there’s really anything that’s that remarkable.
As I said earlier this month during a rant about the previous generation, yes, you’re unique, but you’re not that remarkable/special.
The same is true of me.
The Kids In The Hall used to have a character who’d be dropped in to various sketches. The interaction was inevitably along the lines of,
“Who are you?”
“Just a guy.”
I am important to some people who love me.
To everybody else, though, I’m just some guy.
I can’t tell you how foreign this seems to be.
People are fungible.
This past weekend, I was watching on eof hte NFL pregame shows. Amy Trask, the former president of the Oakland Raiders, was talking about a discussion Al Davis had with Bill Walsh about holding on to players after they’d outlived their usefulness.
mr. Davis was very loyal to his guys. Walsh notsomuch, unless you’re Steve Young.
Is either way better? I don’t know. Both had three Super Bowl rings.
Who is remembered more fondly?
I don’t know, and I really don’t care to think about it.. Each is admirable in his own way.
I guess that I split the difference, really, though.
Yes, you’re loyal, but if someone can’t do what you need them to do anymore, be honest about it and move on.
(and here’s where my Gen X side comes out, and Nada Surf’s “Popular” floats through my scarred brain….)
So, back to the prompt……what have I accomplished?
There’s not just one thing. I think I’m a good husband. I think my loyalties are in the right place. I’m not terribly embarrassed by anything I’ve done; maybe that’s why I don’t focus on the things that have gone well.
So, not a lot of changes in five years, really.  I’m not good at tooting my own horn.

Are you listed as an organ or bone marrow donor? Why or why not?

Day 7 – 11/7/2012

Are you listed as an organ or bone marrow donor? Why or why not?
Yes. Because I really don’t need them after I’m dead; what do I care?
Whether there’d be much to salvage from my diseased body is a different story, altogether.

So, more 2012 recycling….
You see what I wrote above, so again….
Are you listed as an organ or bone marrow donor? Why or why not?
I don’t know? I don’t have a driver’s license anymore, so I don’t think I had to answer the question about the organ donor bit.
Would anyone want my bone marrow with the various maladies I’ve developed, the abuse to which I’ve subjected my body? I don’t know.
It’s incredible how heavy these questions seemed back then. Today, who really cares? By and large, anything that’s in my body can be used by whoever needs it.
I have told my wife that I would like whatever’s left of me to be fired into the sun. If they haven’t figured out the process when it happens, cremation works.
I hope that I’ll find motivation to do a few more in-advance prompts tonight/tomorrow. I’ll probably spill my Thanksgiving plans Monday, then write about how it went on Friday.

Today was supposed to be free writing. I did do a bit, but really hadn’t finished.
When I started preparting to write this year, I started through my archives, looking for writing ideas.
I think I was looking for NoJoMo 2012, which was the next-to-last one I did on The Open Diary.
Yes, there was a 2013 there, too, but I think I’ve sampled from that one before.
I don’t know. I should have written my prompts ahead of time. Things were crazy in October, though, nad I’m just so spent by the end of the week, that I can’t bring myself to dedicate
So, stuff I’m recycling from 2012.
What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?
1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?
2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs

Are you listed as an organ or bone marrow donor? Why or why not?
There will be more, but it’s been a very long day, and I’m having trouble focusing.

What an evil number.
I didn’t even have a minute to devote to hammering on this today. I don’t know what to think about that.
How do you handle someone being inappropriate?
It really depends on my relationship to the person who’s acting inappropriately.
Friend: Privately ask what’s going on.
Equal: If there’s someone I’m sure was offended by the inappropriate behavior, apologize privately to the offended, then ask the offender why he/she was acting that way.
Subordinate: Apologize privately to any offended, correct privately, and ask him/her to offer apology.
This stuff isn’t rocket surgery.
My head is kinda spinning, so I apologize.
Work
HRT Paratransit, and my troubles with it
My health issues
So, yeah, nothing really to say right now. Maybe that’s not good considering I’m planning a free write session on Wednesday….
But, for tomorrow, Favorite way to annoy/tease your significant other?
…
My incredulity tomorrow.

Have you ever had a strong belief completely disproven by facts and evidence?
Maybe it’s that I don’t have a lot of strong beliefs, but no.
Have there been things I’ve changed my conclusion on in light of new evidence?
Yes.
The list of things I’ve change my mind on is pretty lengthy.
I try to listen especially, to views that differ from mine.
Am I perfect in doing it? No.
Are there some arguments that I’ll reject out-of-hand? Sure.
If you use Chomsky as your backing evidence, I’m going to critique it incredibly harshly. I remember listening to a podcast once where this thirty-something wouldn’t answer a question because he wasn’t sure what Zinn had said about it. My neck is still sore from my head shakes months afterwards.
And I get sidetracked, stumbling on this.
There are things that aren’t worth debating; maybe the Flat Earth Society still exists. I don’t care to look.
For tomorrow: How do you handle someone being inappropriate?
I don’t think this prompt was written recently, but in light of Weinstein, Louis C.K., perhaps the right answer is to move the plant so it obscures the view more…

Ninety-nine years since the end of World War I.
Somewhere along the way, the Armistice was translated into “Veterans’ Day” in the US.  Given that our participation in that war was comparatively short, it is sort of understandable.
Also understandable is the desire to further obscure the lasting disasters on the world that stemmed from .
Look too unfavorably at the guy on Mt. Rushmore?  A good Democrat?  No.  Let’s not take a look at the fact that he was a racist, his Administration carried out raids on political opponents, he urged the sorts of racial purity measures that’d so disgust people coming out of Germany twenty years later.  NO.  Stop with that crazy talk.  He was a hero of enlightenment.
As I’m working through my backlog of Podcasts, yesterday I heard one discussing the Jones Act, and how it was hampering cleanup from the storms in Puerto Rico.
If you guessed that it was signed by the same guy who wrote the Treaty of Versailles, and employed A. Mitchell Palmer, you’d be absolutely right.
Anyway, World War I shaped a lot of what’s happened since it ended. A Fark headline recently mentioned the Battle of Jutland. I got an alert, because I still have my app set to alert on “Navy.” Go looking around for information on it, and there’s next to nothing.

Down
The
Memory
Hole
Just like the statues of Confederate Generals likely erected by Southern Democrats who thought Wilson was a hell of a guy.
As for the military, my father wanted to be an Army officer, just like his grandfather who’d sailed for Europe to back up the British and French in 1917. My dad bypassed an appointment to the US Merchant Marine Academy to go be an Army officer.
I don’t know the full stories, and everybody’s dead now, but I don’t know that my dad spoke to my Merchant Marine grandfather very much after that point. My grandfather isn’t in any of my parents’ wedding photos, if that says anything.
Both of my grandfathers were Navy during the period between WWII and Korea, but were exempt from going to Korea because they’d married and had kids.
My dad was in the Army for 24 years. He was commissioned just as Vietnam was coming to an end, but his unit was moved to Okinawa while he was in Infantry Officer Basic. He, along with many others, had been branch-loaned to Infantry as they were trying to fill out the front line units. He’d been commissioned into the Transportation Corps. He served as an Infantry officer until the late-70s, when he was pulled back to TC. He retired in 1997 as a Colonel shortly after I finished high school.
I was recruited heavily by the Navy and Air Force on account of my ASVAB score (94, if memory serves) I won an Air Force ROTC scholarship coming out of high school. My vision was starting to go, already, by that point, and they weren’t going to let me fly. They were also going to tell me what my college major was going to be. I was going to be on active duty for four years after I graduated, but they could keep me up to eight involuntarily. I would also have to do four years active reserve following my period of active duty.
I decided to go and do what my dad had done, and get into the Army. After a year of Army ROTC, it became apparent that I wasn’t going to be commissioned, and the solid B I was pulling in Military Science was hurting my GPA, so I dropped out. I started working in TV not long after, which led to radio, which led to actually getting paid for IT, and…
Looking at my friends on FB…
Navy
Air Force
Navy
Navy
Navy
Army
Navy
Air Force
Navy
Navy
Air Force
Air Force
Navy
Navy
Navy
Air Force
Army
Navy
Navy
Navy
Navy
Navy
Navy
Navy
Army
By no means is that definitive.
My FIL was a Navy “Mustang,” which is someone who’s commissioned while on active duty. My BIL was Navy.
This is different than many Americans.
I just wrote, and deleted, something rather unkind, so I’m going to stop. Thank you to all who have and do serve. You are appreciated.
For tomorrow: Have you ever had a strong belief completely disproven by facts and evidence?
In short, no, but I’ll elaborate more tomorrow.

Do you think you can ever trust a politician’s word?
When it’s preceded by a subtle ring knock on the nearest table, absolutely.
Yes, this isn’t what I was planning to finish today.  Well, that along with getting this virtualization host up.
Unfortunately, both are giving me fits, and my eyes aren’t cooperating at this point.
So, a bunch of podcasts, and not much to show for it.
I should also do this thing for a job opportunity, but there’s just no motivation there.
We’ll see if I can string together a bit more tomorrow, the 99th anniversary of the Armistice.
Tomorrow is free-write about “The War To End All Wars.”  Also, about the enduring failure that is the Wilson Administration.