Author: sean

9

The subject for this email is “Number Nine.”
Paul is dead.
Or not.
The two most-talented Beatles are, though.
Some will take that as something other than the truth, and think that me saying that is a conspiracy against them, individually.
Do you take things too personally?
No, not really. I have never gone out of my way to intentionally fuck with someone else, so I just assume that most people are like me.
Have there been times where I’ve done something discourteous?
Absolutely.
Did I ever do it just to be discourteous?
No.
Maybe I’m wrong to think that other people really don’t give a flying fuck about me. But, at the same time, I’ve never gone out of my way to intentionally make someone else’s life difficult.
If you have, you are the problem, okay?
I do understand that that’s partially a generational issue.
One of the common bits on one of the podcasts I listen to involves a theme of “It’s all about you.”
No, you self-centered twat, it’s not. Get the fuck over yourself.
Maybe that’s one of the things I don’t sample from the Millenials and Boomers.
Yes, you are unique, but that doesn’t mean that you’re special.
I know, minds blown.
You matter to people who love you. People who don’t love you couldn’t give two shits unless you’re bothering them.
*shrug*

Yeah, the above is kinda what I’d cobbled together earlier. I’m not sure how coherent it is. Maybe I’ll revisit it sometime later.
So for tomorrow: List 100 things that make you happy, no matter how small
So, yeah, I’m going to attempt that one since I’ll be home.

8

Are you happy with the person you’ve become
I don’t know that I could have been anything else?
Do I have regrets about how I’ve acted in certain situations? Sure; who doesn’t?
Have I ever done anything that’s going to bother me until I die? No.
And I was going to wander into an Edie Brickell break, there, which leads to Beavis’s cogent observation that she stole that from Popeye….
I really don’t have a ton to talk about today. More political disappointment, and still lots of uncertainty about what will be happening as the year rolls over.
The cheapest plan from healthcare.gov that covers my medication is nearly $1,000/mo.. My company hasn’t come out with its offerings for next year, but I don’t have any idea what my treatment would cost on it. I also don’t know how much it’ll cost every month, or through COBRA when/if my job ends.
Yet the pols who won yesterday are the ones responsible for this situation.
I don’t even know what to say.
It actually did get better after I wrote that. My representative in Congress sent out an email blast about registering for coverage next year.
As is so often the case, I am way out of the target demographic.
Namely, I’m not poor, so I don’t get free care through Medicaid.
I did have some trouble, today, finally getting around to finishing this up. I’m tired.
For tomorrow: Do you take things too personally?
I think I know, too, what I’m going to tackle for Friday. Saturday, I’m going to write about the 99th anniversary of the armistice that ended “the war to end all wars.”

7

Long day is long. I did make it through, though, and voted against the patronage candidate for governor. Much as they like to tout that they’re totes different these days, they nominate someone who’d be very much at home in the Byrd Organization.
I think, though, the literature peddler outside the polling place was surprised that I didn’t want his sample ballot…..
On to the prompt.
Have you ever felt that you were singled out even though someone else was actually breaking the rules but you weren’t
This is one of the areas where my dad really comes out in me. One of his favorite phrases was, “what says that/where’s that written?”
Between that, my own Army training, and my law school prep, doing things completely free-form is totally foreign to me.
Much to Boomers’ chagrin, I don’t have my own style.
Yes, there’s room for creativity in how you choose to comply with published rules, but that doesn’t mean you just ignore that they exist.
In fact, worrying about how to comply with rules can actually improve your solution. I’m hammering this out after dealing with a work problem that just by approaching the problem differntly, it is possible to do things more efficiently, and follow the published rules.
I know, unpossible, right?
Been doing this a long time
At least, now, I’m away from the pittance I was making before. But the situation still sucks.
For tomorrow, where I’ll have more time to write as I’ll be away from home, again…..
Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

6

Things are very disjointed today. I actually forgot about trying to write during the day. Amazingly, though, I wasn’t incredibly sleepy during the day. This is a big change for me. That I fell asleep during the Sunday night football game last night, plus missed Saturday Night Live the night before probably didn’t hurt.
I’m craving a Negroni after some searhces yesterday morning, and discussions in the office today.
A brunch visit might be in order….
Something your significant other is into that you are not?
She’s looking for me to say, “anime.” Yes, certainly. I can’t seem to pay close attention to it. Certainly my poor vision makes watching things with subtitles a non-starter, but even the stuff that’s dubbed in English I can’t stick to. To me, TV is really a passive thing. My time in radio probably hasn’t helped, there, either.
Do I dislike it? No. Just not something I can easily follow.
She also watches a lot of things about the British monarchy. I care even less about that than I do Japanese cartoons. There’s things about the British system of government that are admirable, and they’d be just fine without a king or queen. I do respect a parliamentary form of government. It, of course, is the basis of the Commonwealth forms of governments present in four US states.
I kinda like that local governments can’t do anything unless the central government explictly delegates the authority. In Virginia, as we’ve got an election tomorrow, I’m dismayed that the candidates for office don’t seem to give any sort of deference to the General Assembly.
For tomorrow: Have you ever felt that you were singled out even though someone else was actually breaking the rules but you weren’t
Going to tackle this one, because I get singled-out for breaking unwritten “rules.” I did something wrong? Okay. Please show me what rule I broke. I’ll be here waiting for your citation.

5

Getting into the swing after a few days, or maybe my meds are kicking in. Who knows?
Would you read a controversial book, such as “Mein Kampf” or “The Communist Manifesto”?
I’ve read The Communist Manifesto a couple of times. The first was out of sheer curiosity. My dad had a copy in his book collection, dating back to his college studies. He’d taken Russian as a minor in college. Then he went to try and kill Commies for a living.
I read it again in college, and was even less enthused. I guess, maybe, I can see how someone might be intrigued by the ideas, but I never was. I do believe in freedom, and surrendering to an all-encompassing government that leads you to whatever never really appealed to me. What Is To Be Done I found more compelling.
It’s incredible that so many people subscribed to the idea of the eventuality of socialism. Many still do. I seem to remember one of Obama’s inspirations still, in the 21st Century, referencing Mao.
But, then, it wasn’t that long ago that Chomsky and Herman published Distortions at fourth hand.
Hitler, too, believed in the eventual triumph of Socialism. Lenin had drawn a distinction between agrarian Russia, and industrial Western Europe.
Hitler, of course, was also littered with bad early 20th Century pseudoscience, and anti-Semitism. I’d imagine his rant would be filled with the same if I cared enough to read it.
Maybe that’s a polite way to say, and this’ll get the Antifa kids amped, “FUCK HITLER.”
If I had the luxury of doing that sort of “work,” I might like to explore these things further. That said, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be accepted in modern academia. Next Saturday marks the 99th anniversary of the end of World War I, and I don’t think it gets the attention it deserves.
For tomorrow, since I’ve been asked about when I’m going to write about it…..
Something your significant other is into that you are not?

4

Today I wanted to free write. Sarah thinks that it’s a cop-out, but I was really tired yesterday.
I’m still tired, but the Tysabri infusion is starting to kick in.
Today’s accompaniment to writing The Fifth Column. They’re discussing Kmele’s soon-to-arrive daughter. Lots of birthdays, right around now, too.
*does the math*
Valentine’s Day.
But today is my grandfather, a few FB friends. Next week is my mother and brother.
Facebook’s been bouncing back and forth with college memories, since a former classmate is involved in a rather heated race for the Virginia House of Delegates. Mike and I had some political and philosophical differences back then, but I think he’s a good guy. Does it mean that if I lived in that district I’d vote for him? No, but that’s more about his partisan allegiance. But not because of a picture taken during a game of Beer Pong decades ago.
A lot of what I’m seeing from his party, though, is rank patronage. That their gubernatorial candidate is a VMI product illustrates that beautifully. With all the Kevin Spacey innuendo going around, his description of knocking the Citadel ring speaks to the boys’ network.
I’m not a part of that. My family is too poor, too Catholic, not white enough, etc..
But speaking of Byrd Organization products, I haven’t been back to read my entry from yesterday. I’m sure it’s disjointed, but that’s kind of my existence these days. The situation with health insurance is incredibly frustrating.
There’s a lot of choices that put me in this position, but so far as science can tell, nothing I did led to my physical condition. I had symptoms before I did any of the sorts of things that might be considered deleterious.
Maybe one of these crowd-sourcing pleas would be appropriate to pay for my health care.
I’ve tried, professionally, to take positions that’ll keep me cared-for. What do I have to show for it? The prospect of paying over $1,000 a month for health insurance next year.
With that, though, I can’t go up on the roof of my building with a glass of Scotch, and a cigar before it’s too cold.
Ummm….
Is there anything else I’d really like to write about? No, not really. The Saints are in first place, which probably surprises people. But, then, you might could attribute it to the Failcons doing what they do best.
I’m anxious to get back to OD to write.
But, much like the cigar and Scotch, will I have money to spend on it?
Tomorrow’s prompt: Would you read a controversial book, such as “Mein Kampf” or “The Communist Manifesto”?

3

Once again, this is kinda incomplete. A result of getting home late, not being able to write during the day.
Since I email these back and forth to myself, I game mysel the subject of “Tres Commas,” since it’s the third.
Mmmmm. Tequila. Silicon Valley.
Yes, this could be a good weekend once the new season is out.
Onto today’s prompt….
Biggest challenge you have faced so far?
It would be easy for me to say, “Multiple Sclerosis,” but that’s not entirely true.
The MS, atop the thorough fucking I’ve taken by several jobs, makes it tough.
The employment experience before this one, and the ultimate lack of success therein, I will say is partially my fault.
That one, the combination of health problems landed me in the hospital thrice during the fifteen months I was there; a night in September, two in October, two more in June.
At the same time, I was so out-of-it after the situation with MSC and CACI, that maybe I didn’t really care anymore. Maybe in a way, I still don’t.
There was no reason I should have seen my salary return to what it’d been in 2006 at the behest of a criminal. I accepted the job, because it was the only thing available, and we needed the money. If someone hears from him in Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass prison in Texas, ask him if he’s proud of himself.
So, despite a serious lack of compensation, I’ve kept working. II’ve done what I needed to do to try and keep my wife and myself above water.
I am tired, though. Since 2012, I’ve not had a solid week off. When I say, “solid,” I mean time off without concern about where the next paycheck is coming from.
I really don’t feel like writing a lot more about all this, though. The fuck-you-I-got-mine crowd can keep despairing about the 2016 election. I don’t have the energy. It must be nice….
And back to writing now. As I told my wife as she’s pouring over the plans from the Federal Exchange, I think she’s understanding why I was so upset yesterday.
Essentially we’re being forced to accept a plan from my employer knowing full well that my job could end soon, and I’d be on very expensive COBRA.
Bubuhbut you’re supposed to get insurance through your job!!1!
And people who are in comfortable situations are in the fuck-you-I-got-mine mindset.
I just don’t care to deal with them anymore.
Tomorrow?
Free Write

2

Do you ever feel conflicted when someone you admire comes under controversy?
I had to look at this one before I got in the shower this morning so I’d have some time to think about it.
Considering it, though, I don’t know that there’s anybody I really admire who’s “fallen,” so to speak.
I mean, I remember celebs getting in trouble for stuff.
Magic Johnson
Pete Rose
OJ
Peewee Herman
I guess, though, there wasn’t a single one that really shattered my world. As I’ve aged, the softer I am on many, many things.
Magic was a playa.
rose liked to bet on sports. He’s no Art Schlichter, but…
OJ, well, he probably murdered his ex-wife. I say, “probably,” because there’s no way I could have convicted him beyond a reasonalbe doubt. LAPD seriously screwed up that case. You take a suspect’s blood to the crimescene, and can’t figure out what happened to part of the sample? Really?
As for Peewee, well I’ve never, and would never do that in a movie theater.

The above is what I’d jotted down on the prompt, but my mind really is elsewhere this evening.
Thanks to the wonderful health care system established during the last Presidential Administration, I’m really worried about being able to continue getting my treatment.
My company’s insurance barely covers the medication, and the HR services firm couldn’t tell me how much the treatment would cost.
Further, there is always great potential that this job could go away. Paying for COBRA would cost over $1,000 per month.
The cheapest plan from the Federal exchange, also costs more than $1,000/mo. What we currently have costs nearly $700/mo..
Note that this is all after-tax money.
Onto tomorrow’s prompt…
Biggest challenge you have faced so far?
I think I could segue into that one from today’s problems. The initial bit might say it’s the MS, but, really, that’s just a complicating issue.

1

Introduction. Why am I doing this, and how long have I been doing it?
This is year eight. Why am I doing it? Well, because it’s something that settles my brain, and gets me ready for the end of the year.
I can look back, and see what I’ve done over the past year, and maybe write a bit about other things on my mind.
In the month of writing leading up to my birthday, I was kind of spiraling. I was unemployed, poor, and trying to decide where to go next. Thankfully, I was able to find work, albeit not what I was hoping for.
But it pays the bills. Sorta.
Things really got knocked askew in May, when we were forced to move out of the place where I’d been living since 2007.
The new place is considerably smaller, but it’s also a lot more expensive. I don’t know that we’ll be staying terribly long.
I admit that I’ve not really put out my prompts for the month. I do have some of the ideas my wife helped me put together stashed aside. I also have some birthdays I’ll write about. ArmisticeVeterans’ Day. Thanksgiving.
Purportedly, Open Diary, where I wrote pretty regularly from 1999 until its closure in 2013, is returning sometime soon. I am also writing on ProseBox.
I think, though, what I’m going to do is end each entry with what I’m going to write about tomorrow.
Do you ever feel conflicted when someone you admire comes under controversy?
Maybe this weekend, I’ll get this better set up. We’ll see. On my lousy blog, my wife may be joining in on the fun.
I would write more, but today’s been incredibly long. I did get my infusion this afternoon, so by the end of the weekend, I expect my energy level to be back to peak.