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I’m finally plunking away at this last one late on the afternoon of the 30th.
It’s been an experience, but I’ve gotten through once again.
Seven years.
Looking back over what I’ve written, though, I’m not terribly upset about what I’ve brought out. Looking back, specifically, at 2012 was probably a good thing for me.
Today at work, I said something about the importance of having someone review my missives. I do sometimes write things that maybe aren’t immediate applicable. During a revision, however, I wonder how much I bury.
I really don’t do that, here. What you see is what you get.
And I got disrupted in writing this. First was this recruiter who looked me up in LinkedIn. It looks interesting. (How many companies do you see on Glassdoor with a 5.0 rating?)
Then a call from my patient advocate who I probably won’t be able to speak with after my health insurance changes next year.
So more changes ahead, probably. Whatever. Things are getting better. Are things as good as they were five years ago? Hard to say, really, but I’m excited.

More from 2012.

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NoJoMo Day 29 – 11/29/2012

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Today, another exercise in frustration. But I’m finished for the day. Interesting episodes of people power-tripping. It is what it is.

1. List 5 people you know, then describe each of them in 5 words.

Perhaps a bit too personal to name names, here, so I won’t. Readers can figure out who these people are…. (And if people can’t figure out who the first one is, I just don’t know what to say…. OD-only hint: none of them is here.)

Person A

• Smart
• Beautiful
• Passionate
• Love
• Mine

Person B

• Smart
• Food
• Wine
• Loyal
• Closeted?

Person C

• Clueless
• Scatterbrained
• Matronly
• Faithful
• Isolated

Person D

• Uninformed
• Caring
• Opinionated
• Kitties
• Tired

Person E

• Done
• Knowing
• Guarding
• Collected
• Deciding

2. If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to hav seen?

I’ve been kicking this one around for awhile, and am still not sure. First thing that came to mind? Oh, the huge manatee! Even in black and white, the Hindenberg was pretty spectacular.

Katrina? (Since there’s a Saints’ game tonight….) I’ve seen more storms than I’d ever like now, thank you very much. When I was nineteen, would have been a different story.

Mount St. Helens? I haven’t ever really seen a massive volcano. But, maybe in a few weeks, if the Mayans were right, that means the Yellowstone one is going to go off…..

It’s hard to pinpoint a single thing. Even moreso with my failing eyesight, and the realization that something that’s visually-spectacular often has lasting, widespread effects.

Who really saw what was going on during Watergate? Franz Ferdinand getting taken out (apologies if I sparked the earworm; only partially intentional)? Important, but only a small part of the whole story. 9/11? All over the TV when it happened, but the buildings and field were only parts to a larger story; a larger story you can’t see in a :30 clip on YouTube.

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Just recycling one of the two prompts….
If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?
Woodrow Wilson’s machinations when it came to crafting the Treaty of Versailles.  What a long-lasting disaster of history.
The US Senate didn’t ratify it, which was probably, in retrospect, a very good thing.  If Wilson was as insidious as the most-recent progressive to hold the office, he would have just gone around the US process to get what he wanted.
I might could rap about this for pages, but today was another long day in another long week.  Today was getting my Tysabri infusion.  Tomorrow is going to be the dentist to get a tooth repaired.
I’m tired.
So tomorrow I’ll wrap up year seven.  Am I proud that I’ve done it?  Well, find out tomorrow.

Still touching from years ago, but I’ll skip whatever I wrote for NoJoMo back then. This bit was probably the first real signal that shit was about to turn really bad. How little I knew.

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11/28/2012 – 11/28/2012

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Pffft.

Made it in to the office today. Foaming disaster with some of the other business, but looks like I may be safe. For now.

On the bright side, I will get a pretty nice bonus this year after watching them dwindle away to nearly nothing the previous three.

Hospital still hasn’t gotten back to me about whether I need to come in to get re-leeched. I’m not sure if I wrote about that, but the doc called me on Thanksgiving, and said I still had problems, to take eight more horsepills.

I did. But I don’t remember if she said she wanted to re-check things. I mean, I was at my in-laws’ for Thanksgiving, ferrchrissakes! At the same time, it’s kind of cool to have young docs excited about dealing with somebody as fucked-up as I am, you know? Experiment.

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Reaction and resampling that…..
And a prompt from my list: Do you have a fear that you want to overcome? What is it and do you have a plan to overcome it?
I feel like I’ve written this prompt previously, and I really don’t feel like answering it.  Obviously I’ve had a long list of things the past few years.
I do occasionally have a plan to overcome things, but, really, I tend to take things as they come.
*cut*
Yeah, and I’m repeating what I just said, so this isn’t something I can really devote a lot more to.  Things in life happen.  You can’t plan for everything.  How you respond to those things is, to me, key.
Lots today on Net Neutrality.  I am happy that the FCC is getting rid of rules it didn’t have the legislative authority to implement.  I’m also okay with network providers doing things against NN, like blocking Nazis.  Yes, I may have just Godwined myself, but, well, I like having the freedom to buy Intertubes that’d allow me to avoid content like that.
Or to put it more bluntly, for the Redditers, if you’re big on NN, you like giving theater for Nazis and Kiddie Pr0n.
Enough of that, and I’ve killed my motivation to write more.
The Giants benched Eli Manning, and the Norks fired an ICBM.  Both are signs of other issues.

I didn’t have anything set aside today, so I’m going to steal my wife’s prompt.
Anything you are excited about? 
Immediately, my Tysabri infusion Wednesday. I’m fatigued this week. It’s been crazy. But two more infusions for the year. My company hasn’t gotten out its health insurance information for next year, and I’m getting a little antsy about that.
I’m also excited about the Open Diary relaunch.
I suppose, though, things have so haphazard since May that my head is spinning. I am doing positive work at work, again. Unfortunately, I’m being told to do things that are incorrect. But, hey, this is how we’ve always done it, so there’s no way it can be wrong, right?
Lots and lots going on, but I really just want to curl up somewhere with my wife and enjoy the holiday.
Two prompts the next two days with recycling from the last sorta-okay year.

So, I did get some of the recycling done.  Let’s look again at what I did in 2012.  Somewhat appropriate considering my music choice as I’m reviewing.  If you care.

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NoJoMo Day 9 – 11/9/2012

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Both. Again.

1. What is the most ironic thing that has ever happened to you?

Well, I’ve gotten a free ride on the streetcar when I had a pass that was good for that day. But it didn’t rain on my wedding day.

2. Who is or has been the most influential person in your life and why?

You know, I honestly don’t have an answer to that question at this point. My parents, my dad especially, shaped lots of things in my life. But I appreciate that I’ve been allowed to find my own way on many things….

Maybe I can write about certain individuals who helped me gather a few important things?

My high school football coaches, and my Army JROTC instructors helped me with punctuality. Being late as a broadcaster is a Bad Thing (TM). In all my years in radio, I think I was unexpectedly late for work maybe three times. Since then, I’m worse. I’ve been late for work a few times since I left radio.

Only once did I really feel like it was something for which there was no good excuse. I forgot to set my alarm, and just overslept.

Of course, there’s other things where I was influenced by things I’ve read. Not many of those are were case studies in how not to be “That Guy.” I am not “That Guy.”

At work, I don’t suffer fools with much grace these days. There is a problem with that, however: much of what I consider foolishness is also considered “tradition.” So, you’ve done this task this one way for fifteen years.

Give me a minute. I might find the fuck I’m not giving. Just because you’ve always done something one way doesn’t mean it’s eternally the right way

At the same time, I’m open to hearing a compelling argument. Even if I’m initially skeptical about something, you might be able to convince me.

Now I’m doing a really lousy job answering the prompts. Somehow, this feels familiar. Doing things strictly by the prompts normally doesn’t work out completely right <u>for me</u>.

If you’re not okay with me trying to find the best way to do something, don’t ask for my help….

But that’s about all I have for today. I’m spent. More tomorrow.

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What is the most ironic thing that has ever happened to you?
My response before was pretty flippant.  I still don’t know if there’s anything terribly ironic that’s happened to me.  Maybe my medical condition will lead to financial success someday.  Who knows?
Who is or has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My wife.  She’s stuck with me through all of the travails over the past few years.  I do do some things differently because of her.  I think of her take with pretty much any decision I make.  (I say that because, well, she’s really not a consideration when I go to fill my coffee cup at work….)
My dad would be in there, and I don’t know why I didn’t write about the things I do where what he taught me influenced what I do now.  Those others that I mentioned are still very important, but it’s very difficult nowadays.   I don’t have the freedom that I used to on account of whatever my body is deciding to do at any point.
I apologize that I still don’t have good responses on a lot of these.  I really have more pressing things on my mind today.
On the bright side, though, my project is coming along. Unveiling next week sometime.

Today’s key? Traceability. If you call me on something, and I make an assertion, rest assured I will back it up.
Recycling more……

NoJoMo Day 4 – 11/4/2012

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Since I don’t have a tome for either, I’ll try to address both writing prompts. Instead of an extra hour of sleep, I’ll attempt an extra few minutes of writing.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?

At this point, normalcy. It’s very absent for anyone with somewhat fragile health. I have my soulmate. I had professional potential (though I have my doubts about it since my vision started going). The routines in life, however, are gone — possibly forever. I can’t know on a day-to-day basis how I’m going to feel, whether I’ll be up to whatever I have planned.

That’s put a strain on many other relationships I had. My wife is understanding; she sees what’s going on. Others don’t. But I don’t look sick! Yeah, and you don’t look stupid; looks can be deceiving.

I don’t feel comfortable around other family members for other reasons, too. There’s been a lot of bereavement in the past few years. Nothing, other than this little apartment with my wife, feels like “home.” When we stayed with my mom last year during Irene, it just felt strange. Visiting my grandfather and uncle after my dad died felt strange.

Thanksgiving with her parents will be a bit more comfortable (I am starting to feel a bit more at home at her parents’ place…..it has taken six years, but….), but I’ll be worried about what my mom is doing.

2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs.

Uhhh…..<b>I have MS</b>. I have lots of “strange” things. Some of them aren’t terribly noticable if you’re not paying attention. My left foot doesn’t point straight ahead. My gait is weird. I can’t run at all. My eyes do weird dances. Restless Leg Syndrome? Uh, no. But I do have similar twitches.

I also have “angry hands.” I do do this thing where I interlace my fingers when I’m frustrated with something.<hr>
*yawn*
Yeah, time to post up, and try to sleep. Aint’s aren’t until Monday night. But watching Eli Manning beat the Falcons will suffice.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?
Last time, I said, “normalcy.”  If I’d known then what I know now, I don’t know that I would have wished for something different, really.  I was completely consumed with my health, not taking into account that on some of the important parts of life, I did have normalcy.
Now, though, I’m aiming to get back to where I was then, financially.  I’m still earning less money than I did then.  I’m not at all secure, financially.  At the same time, what I’m ready for is something new and satisfying.  What I’m doing now is somewhat related to one of my stops in the intervening years.  But it still is a fucking cesspool  Though my main problem before is gone, his mentality pervades.
It takes time to win hearts and minds;  will I be able to do it?  Do I have the stamina?
2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs
Since the last time, I’ve started carrying a cane.  I really have problems going down stairs, as my balance is wonky, and I can’t feel my feet.  I also need to tilt my head to the right in order to be able to walk in a straight line.  The angry hands have subsided a lot.  A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I often have my hands above my head to stretch my diaphragm.

What I wrote in 2012:
NoJoMo Day 1 – 11/1/2012
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Writing Prompt: What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?

Have spent a lot of time considering what I should choose for this; I don’t focus much on past accomplishments. Not terribly long ago, I was complaining about the Captain Philip Francis Queeg school of management. Queeg, of course, spent his entire career trying to recreate his few moments of adequacy. I try hard to avoid that.

My focus, professionally, is creating a workable solution at a low cost. Sometimes finding that solution requires setting aside what you’ve done in the past, and re-examining everything.

Getting married has definitely affected my evaluation criteria. Things I would have taken pride in as a single dude really aren’t important anymore. Woohoo! I drank an entire six pack in one sitting! Big fucking deal to most frat boys. My wife, however, would be disgusted by that behavior.

So, since I can’t isolate a single thing, I’ll just throw some things out of which I’m proud:

1. That I married someone who might possibly be my perfect partner.
2. That I’ve yet to miss a dose of any of my MS meds, now more than two years’ into taking them.
3. That I am dedicated to work, despite more than ample reason not to be.
4. My service to others. Some of it is kind of thankless, but…. The vast majority of it’s been without compensation. Is it satisfying when something I put together is still functional years after its expected demise? You bet. As far as I know, there’s systems in use at former jobs. My old company, whose name I will not mention, is still selling things I designed. Something I put together now almost seven years ago is still chugging along. And so on.
4. That I surpassed the 2,000 entry mark, and didn’t even notice it.
5. That I’ve been responsible elsewhere in my life last few years. I was reckless when I was younger. I admit that now. Yes, being sick has sapped my reckless abandon on some things, but I’d started down that path before I knew I was sick.
6. Forgiveness. I’ve gotten better about it. Those who’ve harmed me may not be as dear as they once were, but I’m still civil. When I was younger, I probably wouldn’t have been.

So, is there a lot to point to, there? Yes. Is there a “crowning achievement?” No. (Though number one comes awfully damn close…..I still haven’t figured out how I pulled that one off while still being myself….) I’m okay with that.

I did delete the comments.  Now again….
What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?
I could go a lot of different ways on this one, but I don’t know if there’s really anything that’s that remarkable.
As I said earlier this month during a rant about the previous generation, yes, you’re unique, but you’re not that remarkable/special.
The same is true of me.
The Kids In The Hall used to have a character who’d be dropped in to various sketches. The interaction was inevitably along the lines of,
“Who are you?”
“Just a guy.”
I am important to some people who love me.
To everybody else, though, I’m just some guy.
I can’t tell you how foreign this seems to be.
People are fungible.
This past weekend, I was watching on eof hte NFL pregame shows. Amy Trask, the former president of the Oakland Raiders, was talking about a discussion Al Davis had with Bill Walsh about holding on to players after they’d outlived their usefulness.
mr. Davis was very loyal to his guys. Walsh notsomuch, unless you’re Steve Young.
Is either way better? I don’t know. Both had three Super Bowl rings.
Who is remembered more fondly?
I don’t know, and I really don’t care to think about it.. Each is admirable in his own way.
I guess that I split the difference, really, though.
Yes, you’re loyal, but if someone can’t do what you need them to do anymore, be honest about it and move on.
(and here’s where my Gen X side comes out, and Nada Surf’s “Popular” floats through my scarred brain….)
So, back to the prompt……what have I accomplished?
There’s not just one thing. I think I’m a good husband. I think my loyalties are in the right place. I’m not terribly embarrassed by anything I’ve done; maybe that’s why I don’t focus on the things that have gone well.
So, not a lot of changes in five years, really.  I’m not good at tooting my own horn.