Blindsided

It’s a stunning realization…….

There are passions in life. For many people, those passions are fulfilled only in spare time, while the business of life continues.

But for a lucky few, the passions can be the root of the business of life.

I’ve wanted to be a disc jockey since I was about eight years old. While everybody else was off watching television, I was listening to the radio. Besides, you can listen to the radio and play video games at the same time.

The first time I opened the microphone at the cheesy high school radio station, my heart was going a thousand beats a second. It’s a feeling which I wonder if I’ll ever match again. I enjoyed doing volunteer work there–learning the ropes. I even didn’t mind spending hours in a ninety degree, closet-sized production studio cutting senseless sweepers.

I had much the same feeling when I got my afternoon drive gig at the local community radio station. Sure, I was playing Michael Bolton and James Taylor (If I could hit them with one round….), but I enjoyed it. I was crestfallen when school forced me to curtail my hours on the air.

And then the station was sold to the Evangelists. My last break on the air there was absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done–harder than losing relatives, harder than breaking up with my girlfriend of two years. But I did it. I even sounded okay…….but I started bawling like a baby when I powered the transmitter down that night. I cried the entire way home.

So I bounced around for awhile. A man without direction, basically. When I got the job at the television station, things were a bit better, but the feelings weren’t the same. I like television, but it doesn’t hold the same power as Mr. Marconi’s invention to me. Sure, I was kind of bummed out when I got laid off, but it was nothing like when I had to give up my radio gig.

And then I ran into my current boss…..and got the job. The first time I went on the air here, I had many of the same feelings as I had the very first time. I still get butterflies the first time I flip on the microphone every night.

But this isn’t what really suprises me–the nervousness keeps me sharp anyway. What suprises me is that I’m acutally getting paid to do it. There are people who actually think I’ve got some talent. People tell me I have a wonderful voice, even though I can’t stand to listen to my own air checks.

I really can’t imagine doing anything else with my life now.

Sure, I’m alone most of the time, and my hours suck. Despite all that, I’m happy and amazed right now.