Category: Summer Writing

15B

 
I do have to do an extra entry, still, to get back on track.  So I’m going to recycle a survey from 2012.   Deleting the questions that were OD-specific.
Old stuff below, then I’ll do the same below.  Things that are unchanged, I’ll put in bold.

Stolen from CR, who stole it from someone else, etc.

1) When did you start writing on OD?

Summer 1999. Too lazy to go look exactly. July, maybe?

2) How did you find OD and what made you decide to start a diary here?

Friend on AIM used it. Was curious. Liked. Stuck around.

3) Have you ever tried other online diary/journal/blog sites?

Yes. Many. I have my own WordPress setup on my personal co-lo. It sucks. But OD has been pretty consistent. I was going to say, “stable,” but…

4) Do you refer to your OD as a diary, journal, blog, or something else?

This is my diary. My blog is my blog, sucks.

5) What is the meaning, reason, or story behind your diary title?

It’s terminal erase. At one point, I deleted everything. I was trying to get out of radio at the time, so the old name didn’t really fit.

6) Approximately how many usernames have you had on OD and what were some (or all) of them?

Two.

7) What is the privacy setting on your diary? (Public, OD Users Only, Friends Only, or Private?)

It’s public. Lots of the entries are FO.

8) Do you mostly write public, friends only, or private entries? Why?

Lately? FO.

9) How many entries do you have and what is there breakdown?

Lazy. It’s 2,000-something. Most of them are FO.

10) What are your criteria for deciding to post an entry public, friends only, or private?

I don’t have many (if any) private entries. FO decision is normally related to whether there’s gory details about my personal life, or if I’m worried work might stumble upon it. Really juicy shit I write in hidden text.

11) Does anyone in your real life know about and/or read your OD?

My wife. Maybe a few others.

12) Do you consider the diarists on your friends list to actually be “friends”?

A few, yes.

13) Do you communicate with any fellow ODers outside of OD? If so, by what methods?

Am friends with a few on Facebook.

14) Does your OD have a theme?

Black.

15) Do you use any features (tags, chapters, friends/bookmarks groups, etc.) to organize your OD?

I had things well-divided into chapters at one point. For the last few years, especially since I got sick, I’ve left it by the wayside. I’ve considered trying again, but too much of a PITA.

16) Do you have a paid or free account? Why?

Been paid for awhile. Did the lifetime thing last time I was up. I don’t have a problem paying for stuff I like using. And there’s other nifty features you only get with a paid account, so…

17) If you have OD+, what is your favorite Plus feature? If not, what feature would you like to see added to free OD?

Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I used Free OD?

18) Do you have any habits or routines associated with your OD and/or writing in it?

These days? Nope. In a past life? Yep.

19) Do you write anonymously or not? Why?

Somewhat.

20) What is your note setting and why?

I think it defaults to signed. I don’t get a lot of passers-through anymore, so it’s really not a big concern.

21) Have you ever made an entry private that wasn’t originally so? If so, why?

I’m sure it’s happened. I don’t remember which.

22) Have you ever deleted an entry? Why?

Yes. It was stupid.

23) Do you have any diarists blocked?

I don’t think so?

24) To your knowledge are you blocked by any diarists?

Not to my knowledge.

25) Do you update regularly or sporadically?

No regular schedule. NoJoMo is helping focus me, maybe.

26) Have you ever posted a picture of yourself in your OD?

Yes.

27) Do you ever go back and read through your old entries?

Occasionally. A few important days I’ve written about here….

28) Are you good about replying to notes?

Depends. Sometimes.

29) If you read an entry, do you feel obligated to note it, even if you have nothing to say?

Uh, no……?

30) Which do you do more on OD: read or write?

Probably write. I can do that with my eyes closed. My plethora of typos reflects that.

31) What is your opinion of blank notes (notes that show a diarist’s name, but have no other text)?

I use it; kind of a Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain,” but sometimes it’s just an acknowledgement that I have nothing meaningful to add.

32) How much time and attention do you spend on your OD’s appearance? Do you feel like it matters?

Very little.

33) How much time and attention do you spend on your OD’s front page? Do you feel like it matters?

Very little.

34) Do you ever look at the front page of other diarists?

Rarely.

35) Have you ever nominated an entry for Reader’s Choice?

Not in a long time.

36) Have you ever had one of your entries nominated for Reader’s Choice? If so, how did it make you feel and did you personally feel like the entry nominated deserved the distinction?

I think it’s happened; I really don’t remember why.

37) Do you feel like OD is a social networking site, an online community, both or neither?

Community.

38) Have you ever leftOD for a period of time and came back? If so, why did you come back?

Sort of? I kind of dropped out around the time I started getting serious with my wife. I came back when I got sick.

39) Are all your bookmarks on your friends list and vice versa or not?

No idea.

40) Have you ever met any fellow ODers in person?

Yes. Long time ago. Neither I met is still around on the site. One I think landed a job nearby because I tipped her off to it. It was a little unsettling with that one, because her parents and mine actually knew each other…..

41) Approximate how many diarists on are your bookmarks and friends?

Too lazy to look. There’s probably about fifteen I read who update somewhat frequently.

42) Do you have any diarists on your bookmarks and/or friends that haven’t posted in over a year? Why don’t you delete them?

Several. No reason, really. A couple I hope come back.

43) Do you have any entries that you’ve written that particular stand out in your mind?

The one I wrote when my dad died.

44) Do you write for yourself, for your readers, or both?

Myself. I’m fucking selfish. Deal. :-p

45) Do you feel you can be 100% open and honest in your OD or do you feel like you have to censor yourself?

No. See the hidden text.

46) Would you, or have you, ever recommended OD to another person? If so, did you tell them about your OD and give them your username?

Yes. I had IRL friends who wrote here. Both have moved on. I’m more than okay with one never reading my bullshit again. The other is privvy if he cares….

47) If you were to describe your diary in one word, what would that word be?

Dark. Since I was working overnights when I started it, it made sense.

48) Has OD changed your life in any ways? If so, how?

It helps me collect my thoughts. Back in the day, it gave me something to keep me awake in the middle of the night.

Notes:

I should do a survey, if only to get my writing mojo back. [donut] 11/15/2012 6:34:09 AM

I think I’m going to do this. 🙂 [Principassa Pollyana] 11/15/2012 7:03:48 AM

I liked that Bill Clinton answer. I feel your pain…. I can already hear his scratchy voice 😉 [Cats Rule] 11/15/2012 8:44:03 AM

1. Do you refer to your OD as a diary, journal, blog, or something else?
I’m really not drawing a big distinction anymore.  I write on my blog, and cross-post to Prosebox.
2. What is the meaning, reason, or story behind your diary title?
It’s terminal erase. At one point, I deleted everything. I was trying to get out of radio at the time, so the old name didn’t really fit.
3. How many entries do you have and what is there breakdown?
NFC.  I had something like 2,000 on OD.  I don’t know how many I had on my blog.  The database got corrupted when the storage array crashed on the virtualization host where this lives died.
I do need to backup very soon, though.  Maybe I’ll eventually get my own shit setup, and move everything to something I can manage completely in-house.  But, for reasons I’ve already written about this summer, I’m a little light to spare cash right now.
4.  Do you consider the diarists on your friends list to actually be “friends”?
A few, yes.
On PB, several of my readers are friends on Facebook.  I do keep in touch with an OD fave via email.  *shrug*
5.  Do you communicate with any fellow ODers outside of OD? If so, by what methods?
Am friends with a few on Facebook.
See the previous question.
6.  Do you have any habits or routines associated with your OD and/or writing in it?
These days? Nope. In a past life? Yep.
These days, I write in the month leading up to my birthday, during November for NoJoMo, and as the mood strikes.  I have a friends-only bit on PB, but I really haven’t written there in awhile.
7.  Do you write anonymously or not? Why?
Not really.  If you wanted to find out who I am, you could.  My name and address are available on the WHOIS entry for control-h.org.  Wanna get in the building, much less my apartment, GLWT.
8.  What is your note setting and why?
I have to approve everything on my personal blog, and they’re cut off after a week.  I don’t remember my settings for PB;  some of those would vary per-book.
9. Have you ever deleted an entry? Why?
Yes. For a variety of reasons.  Besides that, everything gets deleted, eventually.
10.  Do you update regularly or sporadically?
No regular schedule. NoJoMo is helping focus me, maybe.  The summer writing was really out of sheer boredom in the blast chiller from hell.  I’ve kept it going because writing seems to focus me.
11. Have you ever posted a picture of yourself in your OD?
Yes.  And other places.  It’s not like you couldn’t find a picture of me if you looked.
12. Do you ever go back and read through your old entries?
Occasionally. A few important days I’ve written about here….
There’s some I really don’t care to go back and read, but I will to remember what was going on.  Some, like around when my dad died, or I got diagnosed, are pretty tough.
13. Are you good about replying to notes?
Depends. Sometimes.  I try to make a point of doing it on PB.  Here, I rarely get any notes, so it’s not really an issue.
14. If you read an entry, do you feel obligated to note it, even if you have nothing to say?
Uh, no……?
15. What is your opinion of blank notes (notes that show a diarist’s name, but have no other text)?
I use it; kind of a Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain,” but sometimes it’s just an acknowledgement that I have nothing meaningful to add.
I do the same on Facebook, and a few other places.  Just a ” ” as a replay sometimes get around the spam filter.
It looks like it’s going to rain very fiercely.
 
16.  Do you ever look at the front page of other diarists?
Rarely.  PB shows the creator’s writings when I login.  I’ve been really bad, lately, about even reading my favorites.  I might have not gotten so out-of-the-loop on it if they hadn’t redesigned the site, where I couldn’t really read it in elinks.
17. Have you ever met any fellow ODers in person?
Yes. Long time ago. Neither I met is still around on the site. One I think landed a job nearby because I tipped her off to it. It was a little unsettling with that one, because her parents and mine actually knew each other…..
Still that, though I don’t know what happened after the night I ran across her in a bar.  I do keep in touch with a few people.
 
18. Do you have any diarists on your bookmarks and/or friends that haven’t posted in over a year? Why don’t you delete them?
Several. No reason, really. A couple I hope come back.
Well, they’re not going back to OD, anyway.  The ones that I follow on PB, I’ve been bad about keeping up with.  Since NoJoMo 2016, a lot of it is due to me working my ass off, trying to keep that job I had.  Lot of good that did me, huh?
19. Do you have any entries that you’ve written that particular stand out in your mind?
The one I wrote when my dad died.  Again, I have them, but they’re not for anyone but me to read right now.  The ~4M ASCII file is a few places on The Internets.  Maybe someone will find them after I die.  After perusing, I expect the reaction to be something along the lines of “he was really fucked-up.”
20.  Do you write for yourself, for your readers, or both?
Myself. I’m fucking selfish. Deal. :-p
21.  Do you feel you can be 100% open and honest in your OD or do you feel like you have to censor yourself?
No.
22. If you were to describe your diary in one word, what would that word be?
Dark. Since I was working overnights when I started it, it made sense.
Today, I’d go with temporal.
23.  Has OD changed your life in any ways? If so, how?
It helps me collect my thoughts. Back in the day, it gave me something to keep me awake in the middle of the night.  This is true, too, for my writing periods on my blog.

15

I’m not really feeling any of my prompts this morning.  Try to re-sample something I wrote on this date in the past, and there’s not a lot.

08/15/2011 - 8/15/2011
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Amazon's "Gold Box" recommended Barbra Streisand. I'm scared.

She can sing, but that’s true of lots of people whose music doesn’t suit me.
This is one of the areas where I’m a bad person.  I’m okay with people having opinions that differ from mine.  I also don’t think it’s okay to force other people to adopt my choices.
I’ll also stick up for your right to make choices I don’t like.
Through Sunday and Monday, at the behest of Virginia’s governor, there was a message that the bigots who marched in Charlottesville shouldn’t have been allowed to do so.
Naturally, he chose to go shoot his mouth off on radio supported by money taken by force, and blame the ACLU for creating the situation.  What in the actual fuck?
So last night, after eating my wife’s culturally-appropriated Cuban sandwiches, I was thinking about how, no, I disagree with the idea that there’s only one way to think about it.  There’s many ways to think about it, and no one is absolutely correct.
Establishing that there’s only one proper way to think is tyrannical.
There was a tweet storm going back and forth about it last night.

I also appreciated Greg Guttfeld’s commentary on The Five.  Unfortunately, I can’s seem to find that online this morning.  Chris Long,
On that note, I guess I’m going to switch focus.  After trying, unsuccessfully, to get through to this HR department that sent me a notice about my application on Saturday, they finally picked up their phone after lunch.  No change.  Um, so why did you send me an email about it on Saturday (and not pick up your phone when I called in the morning)?
I was also looking up information about the eclipse.  Yes, the Sun is going to get blacked-out on my birthday.  If I was superstitious, I’d say that’s a sign.  I’m debating whether it might be a good time to hit the roof of the building to watch.  At the same time, it sounds like the whole thing is going to take more time than I’m willing to devote.  We’ll see.
Bu-buh-but you need to buy glasses so you don’t tuin your retinas!!1!
Or just don’t look directly at it, and watch as the brightness levels go down.

14

Some busy things this week. Fingers-crossed that there’ll be something promising for work. I need to make a phone call after I got an odd update on Saturday about something I’d applied for back in June.
Part of my birthday is going to see the sun blocked out. If I was superstitious, I’d say that this means something.
I didn’t watch any of the Sunday shows yesterday. The political line is set, and I really don’t need to hear it repeated again. As I said yesterday, perhaps less than artfully, I hold both the racists and their counter-protesters in about as much contempt as I can muster.
Favorite meal cooked by someone else.
I think my wife wrote this as she was gathering ingredients to make Beef Bourguignon n with Two-Buck Chuck.
That would be one, of course. I think that the pearl onions do make a difference.
Is it my favorite? I don’t know that I can pick just one. I do really appreciate when someone cooks for me.

Other stuff from the weekend….

  1. The building leaked. Again. The property manager got really upset when I called the property a “patch job.” That was after there were exposed nails coming through the steps, and before the first leaky window/wall. They’ve since sealed it twice, and it’s leaked following every attempt.
  2. I think we’re set for Fantasy Football. Two friends on Facebook, who I met on Orkut years ago joined up. One is a Pats fan, the other a Falcons fan; this could be fun.
  3. Deprivation of vice. I won’t elaborate, but I’m cutting back/eliminating several things. We’ll see how I do.

But on to the tasks of the morning. *yawn*

13

Yesterday was bad.
A lot of the day I spent watching coverage of what was going on in Charlottesville.
(How does Chrome’s inline spell-check think that I misspelled that?)
It doesn’t matter, though. People are lining up on two sides. I, naturally, hold both groups with disdain. Who’s worse? The neo-Nazis. No question. But the Antifa creeps are just that.
The frearless governor of Virginia told the Neo-Nazis to go home, and don’t come back. Yes. I say the same thing to the fucks who provoked them. I also say it to the people of his party who are trying to shove the party’s racist past down The Memory hole.
But you have to erase anything that might spoil your pretense when you’re going to point to how evil others are.
My take on it is a little different than most, certainly. The more I learn about my lineage, the less I know for sure. I do know that my mostly-white father left Mississippi in the early-70s to go kill a Commie for Mommy, and GTFO of the solid South. My grandmother used to tell stories of how the first time she was eligible to vote, her father (my great-grandfather) told her very forcefully that she was going to go vote for “Hairy-Ass” Truman. No, she went and voted for Dewey, but didn’t tell her dad that.
He was the son of two off-the-boat Irish immigrants with eleven kids living in very-blue Mississippi, and an adherent to Papist conspiracy.
How do you handle someone being inappropriate?
I think it really depends on the situation, and the person.
For the situation, if I can leave, I do. If I can’t leave, I’ll give a look, first.
This would make an interesting flow chart. though not as interesting as the one made from Total Eclipse of the Heart.
If the exit or look aren’t working, I’ll normally speak up.  If it’s someone on or beneath my level (yes, I’m judgmental like that), I’ll do it privately.  If it’s someone above me, or someone with recognition, I’ll address it directly.
You do have to have the gumption to say something from time to time.  The more I descend into disability, the less I have to lose by standing up.
Maybe someone will recognize what I’m doing.  Maybe someone will think I’m just as asshole.  If it’s the latter, please explain why.  I’m human, I make mistakes, and am willing to admit when I do.

12

Woke up too early this morning.
One of the top stories on the local news was this.
That they’re pulling out shows what a failure the Patient Protection & Affordable Care Act is.
One of my friends, a big fan of all of it, said that the states that expanded Medicaid didn’t have similar problems.
FTFA: Earlier this summer, the insurer announced it will exit Wisconsin, Indiana and Ohio next year. It cited “volatile” markets and “uncertainty” for each decision.
Ohio did expand Medicaid.
And when I had one of the Anthem plans in Virginia, through the Federal Exchange, I had to switch two doctors because they thought the plan was Medicaid.
One of the party’s nominees is actually running on “expanding medical coverage.” He won’t say that that entails expanding Medicaid under the PP&ACA.
Bubuhbut this is just insurance companies getting rich!
Yes, and you’re happy about that if you’ve got their stocks in your portfolio.
It’s tough for me to really discuss, since I know that I am one of the people who stresses the system.
When Elizabeth Warren goes on her tirades about there being blood on her opponents’ hands, remember that she actually wishes that people like me would, in fact, die, to make this mess work.
Something your significant other is into that you are not?
I do know that this was written with the expectation that I’d say “anime,” but that’d be too easy.
How about things about British royalty? I really don’t understand that obsession. There are aspects of the UK that are admirable, but the monarchy isn’t one of them. Yes, there’s positive things to say about the Queen. What’s there to say about Camilla?

11

I meant to go look for old things to write about this morning. I slept oddly last night, and am worried about email nonsense I haven’t addressed since probably 2005.
When I logged on to Facebook this morning, I was confronted with an old selfie of a very fat, very sweaty me from 2009, stuck in the elevator of my old building.
I’m looking at my old archives to see if I wrote anything that day about it. Nope. The closest thing was from 8/21 that year.

30 - 8/21/2009
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bleh. My odometer is ticking.

If memory serves, since I didn’t write, I was still working 60-hour weeks.  It was hot, and the elevator in the building quit working while I was riding down to the laundry room.
My life at that point was pretty much just work, unfortunately.  Googling around shows that August 11, 2009 was a Tuesday.  I often did laundry on Tuesday nights.  The laundry situation in the building wasn’t good.  There were four washer, four dryers.  All were coin-operated.  One of the older washers was a quarter cheaper than the newer ones.  I would periodically go to a bank near my office to get $40 in quarters to last me for a few weeks.
I hadn’t married my wife yet, so it wasn’t like I had a ton of clothes to wash.
If you’d told me then I’d be in the situation where I am now, I would have thought you were crazy.  Does lead me to my prompt for today….
How do you handle sudden life changes?
I’ve long considered myself very adaptable.  Growing up, with my dad’s career in the Army, we moved a lot.
Since I got sick, it’s been a lot tougher.
But I haven’t just thrown my hands up.  When do you reach your breaking point?
It’s kind of a all-or-nothing proposition.  Once I stop, I’m finished.

10

Guilty admission, I’m starting on this the day before. I saw a story about where I used to be, and it looks like that maybe, they were looking for any excuse to shed people like me. I may have made the decision easier, but I think there was something else going on. That nobody’s reached out to me kind of speaks to that, maybe.
*shrug*
So, what else?
For a few weeks now, my wife and I have been watching Jeopardy! in the evenings. I can’t really read the answers, so that puts me at a bit of a disadvantage. I suppose I could park right in front of the set so I could read, but the couch is more comfortable. Instead, we got a thrilling NFL preseason match-up between Carolina and Houston. *yawn*
(As an aside, there’s still three slots available in my Fantasy Football league. The participants are mainly personal friends and family of mine. K-Gun Memorial is dedicated to Ted Marchibroda, who died just before last season started.)
I think we ended up watching Vice News Tonight on HBO. Podcasts seeping into other areas of life, Michael C. Moynihan.
I do think that they highlight stories the major networks might not cover. They did, however, cover something last week that popped up on the national news a couple of days later.
Today, after a night of little sleep, I’ll deal with a medical billing issue. Again. The medication I’m on to manage my condition is incredibly expensive. The drug-maker provides co-pay assistance. The insurance company (which is non-profit) is owned by the same group that owns the hospital where I get my infusions. The hospital has had issues billing both the insurance company and the drug-maker. This has been going on since probably April, and still isn’t resolved. I don’t know how many hours I’ve spent on the phone. It’s frustrating, because I generally like all three parties involved. *sigh*
Biggest challenge you have faced so far?

  1. My medical condition, obviously. MS is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The disease modifying drug I’ve been on for the past eleven months, combined with some really bad care for something else, have landed me in the hospital for a week. It also factors into
  2. Employment weirdness. There’s a lot I could write about all of this, but it’s something that requires face-to-face to explain. If you’re healthy enough to work, and can find a company that’ll pay you full-time, you get health insurance. If not, well, what the hell is wrong with you? Work is something you do in an office owned by somebody else for eight hours per day.

I’m going to stop now, though. I’ve already deleted several paragraphs of ranting.

09

Not a lot going on, just a waiting game on things.
Today’s big thing is getting a Tysabri recharge, the first since I got cast aside from my position. The timing isn’t working out exactly as I would have liked, but….
I’m wondering what I can push for a group I’ve been helping string along some rather dated broadcast equipment. No, going to Windows 7 isn’t going to fix things. Really.
Have you ever felt that you were singled out even though someone else was actually breaking the rules but you weren’t?
If you claim someone is “breaking the rules,” cite them.
So much of what I’ve encountered the past few years is people speaking authoritatively, without a single bit of support; argument from authority. Far too often, especially in my (former) line of work, people establish themselves as authorities, and don’t accept one bit of second-guessing. Even attempting to do so results in strong rebuke.
That said, it’s not just in what I was trying to do for work. It attaches to many, many, many aspects of life. How dare you even question Al Gore’s authoritative tome on climate change? It’s science. So, too, is whatever Paul Krugman regurgitates on economics; he has a Nobel Prize.
In anything, your have to make your argument, cite back to something, not someone, that is actually authoritative.
To me, it’s not that big a deal; I did that consistently in my studies.
Listening to the Reason Podcasts isn’t really conducive to keeping focused on this. So I’ll stop. Maybe something more substantive tomorrow.

08

Because eight is great!!1!
On the other hand, my CSS skills, notsomuch.
Things are moving somewhat. The weather is nasty, but at least the windows didn’t leak this time.
So many different paths, not sure which I should really pursue. I do know that I’m ready to do something completely different, but don’t know how to get there.
My wife and I have been watching Restaurant Impossible recently. Would I want to do that? Not really, but I’m jealous of the flexibility he, and the owners he’s helping have.
In so much of what I’m doing lately it’s “go buy this proof you can play Minesweeper,” then pay several hundred dollars per year to keep it active.
Creativity isn’t rewarded at all. Even more, correctness isn’t valued nearly as much as meeting arbitrary deadlines. Maybe I’m not cut out for that sort of environment, anymore.
How do you keep motivated during the tough times in your life?
My goals are really kind of all over the map at this point. Constant string of OODA Loops. Maybe someday I’ll have an opportunity to relax.

07

Fourteen more to write for this round. I still owe one from my two days’ late start.
I keep getting sidetracked by other things when it comes to sitting down to write this entry. An acquaintance is complaining about the lousy Intertubes service he’s getting from the local network provider. But, like, see, with Net Neutrality, all that traffic is treated equally as they load more and more people onto a single node.
I literally can’t even.
If given the opportunity to see how different choices affect your life, would you proceed with it
One of the basic things in Army leadership is the After-Action Review. They help you compile lessons learned. That said, there’s all sorts of second-guessing you can do about just about anything. When you narrow things down to making the best decision based upon the situation
Sometimes shit happens, despite whatever choices you’ve made. To me, your ability to adjust on the fly speaks more to your overall ability.
I think, though, at times I tend to be over-cautious because I spend too much time trying to analyze what I’ve done later.
My instincts have been correct more often than not.
Drafting Tim Tebow in fantasy football, well….