Uncategorized – Page 9

12.21.17

I’ve been thinking about something quite a bit lately that I want to get off my chest. I am very discouraged by people who are dismissive of something another person enjoys, just because they don’t find the same enjoyment from it.
You don’t enjoy sex? That doesn’t mean someone who does is a whore or a slut.
Don’t like a certain type of food? Don’t say it’s disgusting and make wretching noises because you see someone else enjoying it.
Don’t like a certain TV show? Don’t watch it, you don’t need to tell anyone else you don’t like it.
I guess the point of all of this is that, if someone’s life isn’t affecting you personally, why do you feel the need to have an opinion on it?
Until next time…

12.12.17

Well, maybe next time. I thought if I didn’t receive an offer I would be devastated. I feel the exact opposite of that right now. Although I did get a rejection, I was also given feedback about what to improve and I was strongly encouraged to apply again. So, I have something that they think would be a fit for them, I just need to improve my articulation and be able to explain how my experience in class will translate to the mission at hand for them.
But I have a 4 hour train ride ahead of me, so get comfy because it is going to be a long one. I would talk about the scenery, but it is December so the sun has set at 4:30. There is a giant Masonic temple at the Alexandria station. I always use it as a guiding beacon when I go into the district. There is graffiti under the bridges and I always enjoy looking at it because the people who create it are talented, even if most would consider it vandalism. There are cows in Woodbridge (who knew?).
The woman sitting in front of me is on the phone with someone who just lost a loved one. The flood of “I’m sorries” makes me think about darker Decembers from the past. It also serves as a reminder that life continues even though we hit bumps in the road. I know that I am supposed to be in the Northern Virginia area, and I know that whatever I do, I want to support the military or the government in some capacity. I wish I had known this when I started college nearly 4 years ago, but then I might not have had the experiences that I have had.
I also think that this trip has been a stepping off point for me. I can do things on my own and live to tell about it. I did everything to prepare for this trip mostly independent of help from other people (Of course, my BIL and SIL were a big help transporting me, giving me a place to stay, and helping me with my pitch), but I had to be the one to overcome my fear of what-ifs in order to get here in the first place.
(The power lines in the river around Quantico have blinking lights on them. Not the normal lights, but ones that blink in an inverted V pattern and go faster than the usual ones on top of radio towers. They are also white instead of red).
Getting back to what I was saying, a few months ago, I wouldn’t have done this. I would have passed up an opportunity for something that might end up being my dream career because I was unwilling to take risks. Every important decision I tried to make was a constant barrage of what-if this?, what-if that?, always the negative consequences of something that might happen if I tried. Well, today I TRIED, I didn’t succeed today from the perspective of going home with a job offer in my hands. I did succeed in gaining knowledge from my interviewers on what I need to improve and the encouragement to try again. That was something I had been missing in my job search.
(Also I enjoy looking at people’s IP names. “Gulag’s Guest” was a favorite.)
Still looking forward to being home and having tomato basil soup and grilled cheese.
Then to prep for my interview on Thursday.
P.s. Amtrak’s Wifi is not that great, so don’t hope to accomplish much if you rely on it.

12.11.17

So today is the day before my interview with DIA. Early start to the morning in order to get the train up to Alexandria, but I made it. I summoned a Lyft and got to the station with plenty of time to spare. Then I slept for a good while until I reached my stop. Now at my SIL and BIL’s place going over what I need to do for tomorrow
SIL is helping me improve my pitch and I think I may actually be able to knock this thing out of the park tomorrow. Then it is the 4 o’clock train back home. It sucks that I don’t get any time in the district on this trip, but if all goes well, I will be getting plenty of time up here.

30

I’m finally plunking away at this last one late on the afternoon of the 30th.
It’s been an experience, but I’ve gotten through once again.
Seven years.
Looking back over what I’ve written, though, I’m not terribly upset about what I’ve brought out. Looking back, specifically, at 2012 was probably a good thing for me.
Today at work, I said something about the importance of having someone review my missives. I do sometimes write things that maybe aren’t immediate applicable. During a revision, however, I wonder how much I bury.
I really don’t do that, here. What you see is what you get.
And I got disrupted in writing this. First was this recruiter who looked me up in LinkedIn. It looks interesting. (How many companies do you see on Glassdoor with a 5.0 rating?)
Then a call from my patient advocate who I probably won’t be able to speak with after my health insurance changes next year.
So more changes ahead, probably. Whatever. Things are getting better. Are things as good as they were five years ago? Hard to say, really, but I’m excited.

29

28

Still touching from years ago, but I’ll skip whatever I wrote for NoJoMo back then. This bit was probably the first real signal that shit was about to turn really bad. How little I knew.

11/28/2012 – 11/28/2012

Pffft.

Made it in to the office today. Foaming disaster with some of the other business, but looks like I may be safe. For now.

On the bright side, I will get a pretty nice bonus this year after watching them dwindle away to nearly nothing the previous three.

Hospital still hasn’t gotten back to me about whether I need to come in to get re-leeched. I’m not sure if I wrote about that, but the doc called me on Thanksgiving, and said I still had problems, to take eight more horsepills.

I did. But I don’t remember if she said she wanted to re-check things. I mean, I was at my in-laws’ for Thanksgiving, ferrchrissakes! At the same time, it’s kind of cool to have young docs excited about dealing with somebody as fucked-up as I am, you know? Experiment.

Reaction and resampling that…..
And a prompt from my list: Do you have a fear that you want to overcome? What is it and do you have a plan to overcome it?
I feel like I’ve written this prompt previously, and I really don’t feel like answering it. Obviously I’ve had a long list of things the past few years.
I do occasionally have a plan to overcome things, but, really, I tend to take things as they come.
*cut*
Yeah, and I’m repeating what I just said, so this isn’t something I can really devote a lot more to. Things in life happen. You can’t plan for everything. How you respond to those things is, to me, key.
Lots today on Net Neutrality. I am happy that the FCC is getting rid of rules it didn’t have the legislative authority to implement. I’m also okay with network providers doing things against NN, like blocking Nazis. Yes, I may have just Godwined myself, but, well, I like having the freedom to buy Intertubes that’d allow me to avoid content like that.
Or to put it more bluntly, for the Redditers, if you’re big on NN, you like giving theater for Nazis and Kiddie Pr0n.
Enough of that, and I’ve killed my motivation to write more.
The Giants benched Eli Manning, and the Norks fired an ICBM. Both are signs of other issues.

27

I didn’t have anything set aside today, so I’m going to steal my wife’s prompt.
Anything you are excited about?
Immediately, my Tysabri infusion Wednesday. I’m fatigued this week. It’s been crazy. But two more infusions for the year. My company hasn’t gotten out its health insurance information for next year, and I’m getting a little antsy about that.
I’m also excited about the Open Diary relaunch.
I suppose, though, things have so haphazard since May that my head is spinning. I am doing positive work at work, again. Unfortunately, I’m being told to do things that are incorrect. But, hey, this is how we’ve always done it, so there’s no way it can be wrong, right?
Lots and lots going on, but I really just want to curl up somewhere with my wife and enjoy the holiday.
Two prompts the next two days with recycling from the last sorta-okay year.

25

So, I did get some of the recycling done. Let’s look again at what I did in 2012. Somewhat appropriate considering my music choice as I’m reviewing. If you care.

NoJoMo Day 9 – 11/9/2012

Both. Again.

1. What is the most ironic thing that has ever happened to you?

Well, I’ve gotten a free ride on the streetcar when I had a pass that was good for that day. But it didn’t rain on my wedding day.

2. Who is or has been the most influential person in your life and why?

You know, I honestly don’t have an answer to that question at this point. My parents, my dad especially, shaped lots of things in my life. But I appreciate that I’ve been allowed to find my own way on many things….

Maybe I can write about certain individuals who helped me gather a few important things?

My high school football coaches, and my Army JROTC instructors helped me with punctuality. Being late as a broadcaster is a Bad Thing (TM). In all my years in radio, I think I was unexpectedly late for work maybe three times. Since then, I’m worse. I’ve been late for work a few times since I left radio.

Only once did I really feel like it was something for which there was no good excuse. I forgot to set my alarm, and just overslept.

Of course, there’s other things where I was influenced by things I’ve read. Not many of those are were case studies in how not to be “That Guy.” I am not “That Guy.”

At work, I don’t suffer fools with much grace these days. There is a problem with that, however: much of what I consider foolishness is also considered “tradition.” So, you’ve done this task this one way for fifteen years.

Give me a minute. I might find the fuck I’m not giving. Just because you’ve always done something one way doesn’t mean it’s eternally the right way

At the same time, I’m open to hearing a compelling argument. Even if I’m initially skeptical about something, you might be able to convince me.

Now I’m doing a really lousy job answering the prompts. Somehow, this feels familiar. Doing things strictly by the prompts normally doesn’t work out completely right <u>for me</u>.

If you’re not okay with me trying to find the best way to do something, don’t ask for my help….

But that’s about all I have for today. I’m spent. More tomorrow.

What is the most ironic thing that has ever happened to you?
My response before was pretty flippant. I still don’t know if there’s anything terribly ironic that’s happened to me. Maybe my medical condition will lead to financial success someday. Who knows?
Who is or has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My wife. She’s stuck with me through all of the travails over the past few years. I do do some things differently because of her. I think of her take with pretty much any decision I make. (I say that because, well, she’s really not a consideration when I go to fill my coffee cup at work….)
My dad would be in there, and I don’t know why I didn’t write about the things I do where what he taught me influenced what I do now. Those others that I mentioned are still very important, but it’s very difficult nowadays. I don’t have the freedom that I used to on account of whatever my body is deciding to do at any point.
I apologize that I still don’t have good responses on a lot of these. I really have more pressing things on my mind today.
On the bright side, though, my project is coming along. Unveiling next week sometime.

11.17.17

Free write
Was going to use today as a ranting day, but then things turned out to be good today. I was sent an email stating that I was invited to an interview that I originally thought I had no chance at. In the government. In my dream city.
Holy Shit…this is happening.
I really don’t even know what to think right now because I am trying not to get ahead of myself and expect more than I can hope to receive. But…
HOLY SHIT!!!
Until tomorrow…

17

Today’s key? Traceability. If you call me on something, and I make an assertion, rest assured I will back it up.
Recycling more……

NoJoMo Day 4 – 11/4/2012

Since I don’t have a tome for either, I’ll try to address both writing prompts. Instead of an extra hour of sleep, I’ll attempt an extra few minutes of writing.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?

At this point, normalcy. It’s very absent for anyone with somewhat fragile health. I have my soulmate. I had professional potential (though I have my doubts about it since my vision started going). The routines in life, however, are gone — possibly forever. I can’t know on a day-to-day basis how I’m going to feel, whether I’ll be up to whatever I have planned.

That’s put a strain on many other relationships I had. My wife is understanding; she sees what’s going on. Others don’t. But I don’t look sick! Yeah, and you don’t look stupid; looks can be deceiving.

I don’t feel comfortable around other family members for other reasons, too. There’s been a lot of bereavement in the past few years. Nothing, other than this little apartment with my wife, feels like “home.” When we stayed with my mom last year during Irene, it just felt strange. Visiting my grandfather and uncle after my dad died felt strange.

Thanksgiving with her parents will be a bit more comfortable (I am starting to feel a bit more at home at her parents’ place…..it has taken six years, but….), but I’ll be worried about what my mom is doing.

2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs.

Uhhh…..<b>I have MS</b>. I have lots of “strange” things. Some of them aren’t terribly noticable if you’re not paying attention. My left foot doesn’t point straight ahead. My gait is weird. I can’t run at all. My eyes do weird dances. Restless Leg Syndrome? Uh, no. But I do have similar twitches.

I also have “angry hands.” I do do this thing where I interlace my fingers when I’m frustrated with something.<hr>
*yawn*
Yeah, time to post up, and try to sleep. Aint’s aren’t until Monday night. But watching Eli Manning beat the Falcons will suffice.

1. What do you desire most in your life? What is holding you back from obtaining or achieving your heart’s desire?
Last time, I said, “normalcy.” If I’d known then what I know now, I don’t know that I would have wished for something different, really. I was completely consumed with my health, not taking into account that on some of the important parts of life, I did have normalcy.
Now, though, I’m aiming to get back to where I was then, financially. I’m still earning less money than I did then. I’m not at all secure, financially. At the same time, what I’m ready for is something new and satisfying. What I’m doing now is somewhat related to one of my stops in the intervening years. But it still is a fucking cesspool Though my main problem before is gone, his mentality pervades.
It takes time to win hearts and minds; will I be able to do it? Do I have the stamina?
2. What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs
Since the last time, I’ve started carrying a cane. I really have problems going down stairs, as my balance is wonky, and I can’t feel my feet. I also need to tilt my head to the right in order to be able to walk in a straight line. The angry hands have subsided a lot. A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I often have my hands above my head to stretch my diaphragm.