Category: NoJoMo

Kind of a quiet day. Lots of resting up after hectic day of travel.

But some time to relax, reconnect.

Little dog is getting significant attention, especially from the hotel staff. She is so cute!

We know?

Today is combined November birthdays celebration later this morning. I’m hoping it goes well.

For the prompt, digging back to 2012…

What is your strangest tic or habit? For example feeling compelled to sniff your food before eating it or always counting steps when you go up or down stairs.

I’m definitely sensing a trend in these randomly-selected things. It’s almost as if I’ve been spending a lot of time in mental health treatment lately.

True.

But the answer here is somewhat-similar when I first took this back in 2012. Pretty much nothing.

I am finding myself really patterning things, lately. Maybe it’s an attempt to do things as efficiently as possible. Brush teeth in the sink. Shake electric toothbrush in the shower while I’m putting the head that’s been hanging down to drain back in the main holster. Turn on the shower. Finish drying the toothbrush handle on the bath towel. Put bath towel on the hook outside the shower. Put the toothbrush in its perch above the sink. Fill mouth with mouthwash. Check to see that the water’s warm. Get in the shower. Spit out mouthwash sometime while I’m washing myself.

I’m saving seconds, maybe, but this sis the sort of thing I go through with many normal everyday tasks.

Does it help?

Probably not.

Is that a tic? No, I’m not a seventeen year-old girl trying to find out she’s got an issue.

I spent so much of my life trying to avoid having anything about me be notable/abnormal.

I’m not special.

So all of these “trends” are really confusing to me.

The date was going well until he proposed.

This provoked a healthy chuckle, as my wife and I went out to the sort of restaurant we used to often frequent early in our relationship.

It was not good.

this is really difficult to answer. I really haven’t dated the tmany people, and the options were pretty limited living in Tidewater.

I’m strange. My life is strange. I never really could date like a normal person would.

Early when we were dating, I was working all sorts of odd hours pushing out really bad code because my then-boss had determined I was the guy to program for the company. (Newsflash: I really was never that great a coder…)

Then just before we actually married, they figured out what the hell was wrong with me, physically.

Then inability to drive/travel. Financial problems. Moves. Pandemic.

I think when we went out to the chain restaurant across the parking lot, that was probably the first time we’ve had dinner out, just the two of us, in probably more than five years.

I think much of the discussion was particularly about getting to where we are, what we’d do differently, the dog, and so on.

But we did make it. Tomorrow and Sunday have a few things planned, bug I don’t think we’re going to do much of anything today.

So I write, drink not-very-good coffee, and stay on schedule with this.

((complaining about this laptop’s keyboard deleted…))

Though tempted, I’m not going to work at work stuff. Just not going to do it. It can wait until we’re home.

But back to the date thing, I think a lot of Sarah and my remembrances surrounding dates would involve stupid things said by other pushy patrons near us.

The guy in the tweed blazer with patches on the elbows who was very upset that the burger he ordered had mushrooms on it.

He’d specifically asked for no musicrooms on the burger, because he’s “deathly allergic.”

.

He’d ordered the Mushroom-Swiss burger.

Or the one time the guy at the table next to us went on and on about how the food scene in LA is better than Norfolk’s. See, he’s from LA, and knows about these things.

Okay, guy.

But there aren’t any that come to mind between the two of us.

Might explain why we’ve lasted so long.

---

So I feel like I’m finished with the topic, unlike the weird burger I ordered last night. There was probably a point in time where I would have been intrigued by it.

I figure I’ll knock this out during the in-between of packing and travelling.

We’re pretty much as good as we’re going to get; deal with what comes as it comes.

This really kind of fits with my approach to a lot of different things; things happen, you deal, and move forward as best you can.

You can’t plan everything.

And your inability to plan everything doesn’t make you a bad person. Yes, you should take reasonable measures, but things just happen someimes.

How you react to those things speaks more to you as a pest, I think.

Today’s prompt really pairs well with the line of thinking —

 Are you superstitious?

The older I get, the less superstitious I am.

That doesn’t go well with many of the standard OCD behaviors. No, nothing bad is going to happen because you didn’t check the lock on the door a certain number of times.

You didn’t lock the door.

Most probable: Nothing happens at all.

A bit worse: Someone comes in

Worse, still, they take your stuff

Worst of at all, he/she hurts you

But unless you live in a really bad place, the first option is the most likely.

Something to discuss with my shrink next time I speak to her; what’s her take on things like superstition? Am I doing it wrong that it really doesn’t bother me much anymore?

(No. I’m pretty sure she’d say that my response is the healthy one. It’s like I’m learning or something.)

But, even absent the cogitative behavioral therapy techniques, I viewed most of the things people did as just foolish. (And thinking that makes me a bad person….ANOTHER THING I SHOULDN’T THINK!)

Prepare appropriately in a reasonable amount of time you’ve dedicated to preparation.

Then go do it. Whatever it is.

Another November, another opportunity to express the compulsive part of my OCD affliction.

I don’t know if I’ve written here before, and I’m too unmotivated to go check, but I have the “Pure O” variety of OCD.

I’ve done this every November since 2010.

Obviously, the middle part of that sequence was rather tumultuous, but I finally feel like I can really just focus on relaxing writing.

This year’s writing, however, is going to be a bit different than it has been.

My November (and I really hate putting it that way…if I’m here, and you’re here, doesn’t it make it our November, Mr. Hand?)

But doing this every day helps keep me focused on what’s to come.

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
National Weather Service Baltimore MD/Washington DC
1048 AM EDT Wed Nov 1 2023

DCZ001-MDZ003>006-008-011-013-014-016>018-503>508-VAZ028-030-031-
036>040-050-051-053>057-501-502-505-506-526-527-WVZ051>053-012300-
/O.CON.KLWX.FZ.W.0012.231102T0300Z-231102T1400Z/
District of Columbia-Washington-Frederick MD-Carroll-
Northern Baltimore-Cecil-Southern Baltimore-Prince Georges-
Anne Arundel-Charles-St. Marys-Calvert-Northwest Montgomery-
Central and Southeast Montgomery-Northwest Howard-
Central and Southeast Howard-Northwest Harford-Southeast Harford-
Frederick VA-Warren-Clarke-Nelson-Albemarle-Greene-Madison-
Rappahannock-Orange-Culpeper-Fairfax-
Arlington/Falls Church/Alexandria-Stafford-Spotsylvania-
King George-Northern Fauquier-Southern Fauquier-Western Loudoun-
Eastern Loudoun-Northwest Prince William-
Central and Southeast Prince William/Manassas/Manassas Park-
Morgan-Berkeley-Jefferson-
Including the cities of Washington, Hagerstown, Frederick,
Ballenger Creek, Eldersburg, Westminster, Reisterstown,
Cockeysville, Elkton, Baltimore, Bowie, Suitland-Silver Hill,
Clinton, College Park, Greenbelt, Laurel, Camp Springs,
Glen Burnie, Annapolis, Severn, South Gate, Severna Park, Arnold,
Odenton, St. Charles, Waldorf, Lexington Park, California,
Chesapeake Beach, Huntingtown, Dunkirk, North Beach, Lusby,
Prince Frederick, Germantown, Damascus, Bethesda, Rockville,
Gaithersburg, Silver Spring, Lisbon, Columbia, Ellicott City,
Jarrettsville, Aberdeen, Winchester, Front Royal, Berryville,
Lovingston, Charlottesville, Stanardsville, Madison, Orange,
Gordonsville, Culpeper, Reston, Herndon, Annandale, Centreville,
Chantilly, McLean, Franconia, Arlington, Alexandria,
Falls Church, Falmouth, Fredericksburg, Dahlgren, Warrenton,
Turnbull, Purcellville, Leesburg, Ashburn, Sterling, Haymarket,
Dale City, Manassas, Woodbridge, Lake Ridge, Montclair, Paw Paw,
Martinsburg, Charles Town, and Shepherdstown
1048 AM EDT Wed Nov 1 2023

...FREEZE WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 11 PM THIS EVENING TO
10 AM EDT THURSDAY...

* WHAT...Sub-freezing temperatures as low as 26 expected.

* WHERE...Portions of central, north central, northeast, northern
  and southern Maryland, The District of Columbia, central,
  northern and northwest Virginia and the eastern panhandle of West
  Virginia.

* WHEN...From 11 PM this evening to 10 AM EDT Thursday.

* IMPACTS...Frost and freeze conditions will kill crops, other
  sensitive vegetation and possibly damage unprotected outdoor
  plumbing.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

Take steps now to protect tender plants from the cold. To prevent
freezing and possible bursting of outdoor water pipes they should
be wrapped, drained, or allowed to drip slowly. Those that have
in-ground sprinkler systems should drain them and cover above-
ground pipes to protect them from freezing.

So tonight’s the night it gets really cold for the first time.

Thanksgiving dinner ordered and paid for from a local restaurant. Travel to see family up next. Events scheduled. Any day now, there might be snow flying.

I’m ready.

But can I do the stuff I’ve planned to do, and relax some?

It’s going to be difficult. On the other hand, I suppose I could be in a much worse situation.

I shouldn’t think that way.

Takes commitment to change that way of thinking. So, too, does doing things like avoiding worty dirds. I was listening to Based Politics earlier today, and Hannah was talking about how she doesn’t watch her mouth.

I’ve put forth an effort, lately, to clean up my language. Not because I think that there’s anything inherently wrong, but I worry (part of the myriad mental issues?) that doing so reduces your message’s effectiveness.

So the writing is just another thing I can do to improve myself.

Maybe there’ll be something to give thanks for towards the end of the month. Maybe, not.

But I’m going to try.

And we’re off…..

Wrap Up

So this is the last one. We’ll see how much more I have until the end of the year. I do have some Notes of a Goon writing to do, but I really can feel finished.

Christmas is going to be unsettled, just like Thanksgiving.

Whatever. Keep plugging along until I have to make a change.

Lots of thoughts listening to Mean Age Daydream this morning, as well as some of the Thanksgiving podcasts. The guest was a comic who wrote, and was pitching a book on “woke” comedy.

One of the things he had was following a rape victim on an open mic…and how that really killed his act for the night.

Another was following a disabled comic.

Going through my inventory, I really don’t fit nicely into a lot of the categories of concern. (Which sounds a lot like one of Fauci’s comebacks to Rand Paul about gain-of-funciton research being conducted in Wuhan; No, Senator, we weren’t conducting gain-of-function of concern….)

So what the hell am I? Disabled? Yep. Rich? Nope. White? Not completely, and that was a bit of an issue for my father growing up in the deep South in the 1960s. Product of an affluent school? Fuck no. I grew up all over the place, and really don’t have anywhere I consider “home.”

I could ask what considerations I should have, etc.

But I don’t care. Leave me alone, and don’t try to make me live the way you think I should.

There was a radio host to whom I used to listen (when he was still on the air…) who had a video message a couple of days ago that was targeting the sorts of things people think are important today. His message? “So what.”

I agree, of course, but that also makes me out-of-place today. But that comes with being a recovering radio guy, I guess.

I’ve written every day in November, now, for thirteen straight years.

So what?

Because it’s what I fucking wanted to do.

What are you most proud of this year? (Flashback to 2015)

In the 2015 entry, I wrote a lot about what was going on with the medical issues I was having.

It’s pretty incredible how different things are this year.

I think, maybe, I could really write to the improvements that started last year both physically, and especially mentally.

I thought I’d written about something very simple, going to the dentist for a cleaning, where I felt halfway like a “normal” person. I woke up, took a cab to the dentist, got my teeth cleaned, and came home. Like a somewhat regular person.

I didn’t have the sense of panic I’d had for years about being embarrassed publicly by something my body did. I wasn’t going to puke. I wasn’t going to pass out. I wasn’t going to shit my pants. I went, let the hygienist do what she needed to do, talked to the dentist, came home, then waited the requisite hour until I could have coffee.

This is not the sort of thing that many people can relate to, but it was my life for the past almost thirty years.

With that, I’d planned to travel later this year. As a test run, I went down to visit my mother. I rode the train to the Gulf Coast by myself. I flew back to DCA with a scared little dog.

Then I repeated the trip earlier this month.

Yes, that trip was largely flavored by my slide off the bench at the train station to start. (And, yes, I still have bruises, but the problems I was having down there have calmed down, at least.)

The trip for December was cancelled, which is probably okay. I didn’t go through the rigmarole to get my passport renewed.

But that’s okay. Settling in to Fitter Happier, maybe.

I’m ready to cut my hair. I’m ready to shave off the growth around my mouth. (Though I’m slightly curious about whether these few hairs are, in fact, gray, or if they’re just blonde…..I think I’ve mentioned before that if there’s a natural hair color, it grows out of my face…)

Professionally, again, it’s the sense of completion. When the thing I’m on finally ends, I’ll have a decision to make, but I really don’t think there’s a lot of point of trying to keep things the way they are, even if it’s going to cost people their jobs. The system I’m supporting has a purpose, and that isn’t to make me a lot of money. So wrap up tomorrow. And another year down.

And maybe we’ll get to some real winter weather. Just some freezing after the rain ends today.

And the US beat the Islamic Republic in the World Cup.

I wish I didn’t have more work to do tonight, but time to find dinner.

Is there someone you were close to at one point in time, that you can no longer stand to be around? (From 2020…)

My response back then was:

Absolutely. Her. Him. Her. No ill-will towards him. Well, I still talk to her sometimes. Him, too. *shrug*

You know, I think some of those was the people who had joined the Branch Covidians.

But, no, I haven’t changed much of any of those takes. At the same time, I really can’t remember exactly who I was thinking about in any of those.

I don’t know, really, however, whether I can really hold many grudges at this point. I just don’t have the energy.

I was listening to Finding Freedom this morning, and the interviewee was talking about being involved with UNICOR. (I’ll spare you searching the fine web; Wiki)

But I don’t know that there’s anyone to whom I’m really refusing to speak. Even in the hellscape that are many social media platforms, I rarely just cut off people I don’t know. Maybe that’s top of mind after a few weird blocks on Twitter; who knoes?

But I guess that sometimes there’s rash reactions that aren’t forever-justified.

So…?

Yesterday I referenced what I wrote years ago, “You Can Leave.” Still very much in that mindset. And if you circle back, be at least civil.

But very few of the connections broken I’m missing. I think that might be a part of my upbringing. Listening to a few programs leading up to Thanksgiving, I was hearing people talk about Thanksgivings with difficult family members.

I think I can count on one hand the number of times we traveled to see family for Thanksgiving. There were a couple of times we went to see my parents’ friends, but it was really not something where we’d head away for the holiday. Drunk Uncle has no relevance to me.

Maybe that’s not really surprising; I think I only saw my dad drunk once, and that was him with my godfather around my brother’s wedding. They polished off a bottle of gin, but weren’t upset/mean.

A couple more days; I have to go do work.

Describe what you’re doing for the rest of this year. (Flashback to 2014)

Really, other than maybe a trip to the dentist for a cleaning, I think I’m finished with medical stuff for the year, so there’s that bright spot?

I think when I pulled this, I already knew my international travel wasn’t happening. In a way, I’m okay with that. After the trips to the Gulf Coast, I think I’m okay not going anywhere for a while.

Again, it’s the feeling that things are finished, and there’s not a ton more I can do.

And I’m okay with it.

There’ll be bits and pieces here and there next month, but it looks like a time to relax, which is a change.

I think removing myself from some of the things that had been negatively affecting my mood has helped.

Whatever happens, I think I’m accepting of myself for the first time since, ummmm…before puberty?

I’m trying to do things to improve myself, even if those things aren’t others’ prescriptions.

And my willingness to take my own fucking advice, and just leave when there’s something I don’t like…and maybe not be too torn up about it.

But, again with completion, looks like we found a use for the property in Mississippi. I feel good about it, even if we’re not going to bring in as much money as we might have expected.

Going to forego the news segment, as I’m running out of time to write this morning. Whatever.

I did watch the US-England World Cup game Friday. I’m not sure why, but I did watch. That the Star Spangled Banner played right after God Save The King

I’m going to miss Drunk History; the Baltimore episode was everything that was great about that show.

Three more days. Three more days.

Small Business Saturday/Christmas Shopping

Well, I’ve been trying to figure a lot of this out considering the circumstances of this year.

I have lots of folks who’ve told me that they don’t want anything, but I’ll probably end up getting something small for many of them.

So. What have I ordered? Lorenzotti Coffee. Dunno if it’ll pop on the AMEX Small Biz Saturday or not, but it’s worth a shot to show support for Johnny over at Peddling Fiction.

I surveyed the offerings on Goldbelly to see if there was anything interesting there, but didn’t find anything, really.

I’m still looking for fruitcake, but don’t really feel like paying what they want. Maybe I’ll look at what it would take to make one.

Tonight for dinner, I think we’ll order delivery from one of the local restaurants.

I do feel like I should be doing more, but I’m still kind of exhausted, even with the Tysabri dose kicking in full today.

Still feel like lots of things are unfinished, but, at the same time, I’ve done what I can in most cases. And doing the unfinished things, at this point, seems like an exercise in futility.

Four more days.