Category: Scarred Brain murmurings

The last entry was, again, something I’d been asked to answer. Done and done.

One of the questions was about whether I enjoy doing surveys. Occasionally? But as I’ve gotten older, and written things down, they do provided some insight into what my frame of mind was at the time I took the survey.

Some answers remain true. Several, actually.

But I don’t persist with most things. Reaching back, though, I can see some of the things that might have attracted my attention initially.

But things change.

I’m not sure where I was going with all of these thoughts.

News.

Top story on Hacker News was about the NeXT World Wide Web browser. Of interest to me, but I’d imagine it’d be completely irrelevant these days.

Even in the early days of Mac OS X, you’d end up using a browser in an emulation mode just to see pages display somewhat-properly.

But I can’t imagine what an exercise in futility trying to browse the web on the Classic MacOS version Netscape Navigator.

That brings me to another story that was affecting the local news here inside the Beltway.

My esteemed alma mater now has an alumnus more famous than XKCD.

The guy who killed a police officer at the US Capitol graduated from CNU. But just like the folks on January 6th, they were all white supremacist’s, right?

Oh. He was a black guy, member of NOI.

Moving along. Nothing to see here.

And I’m getting distracted, so I’m going to stop writing for now.

Another entry is coming later, but I wanted to knock this out…

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What is your favorite color?

I think I’m attracted to shades of blue.

Why is the sky blue?

Various reflections and refractions.

What do you do on a rainy day?

Same thing I do on sunny days — stay inside, because I really can’t go anywhere with my various maladies.

What do you eat for breakfast?

Low-fat black cherry yogurt, heavy cream, and coffee.

Who is your favorite sports team and why?

I was living in Leavenworth, Kansas in 1985. I’ve been a Royals’ fan ever since. My family is from the greater New Orleans area. There’s no major league baseball team. The Saints had Jim Mora’s USFL All-Star team playing in the Super Dome. Saints’ fans wouldn’t look at me sideways when I mentioned something like Beignets or Jambalaya. So, yeah, I’m there.

When do you write in Open Diary?

Most often on Saturdays. The answers to this, as well as most of my writing, actually originated in my blog at control-h.0rg.

(I started writing at OD in 1999. It did uncork what’d been bottled up since high school, when my English teacher was very concerned about a Gen Xer with bad acne….)

Where do you keep your keys?

Right now, they’re in my pants on the floor in the bedroom. (I am wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt….)

How do you like where you live?

I really don’t know at this point. The last year has really changed things. I’m not upset that my wife and I didn’t end up in DC. We are still in “the swamp,” but I could really be okay anywhere with decent connectivity.

Do you like cottage cheese?

If it’s on or in something I’m given or order, I’ll probably eat it. I probably wouldn’t reach for it otherwise.

How would you describe yourself in 5 words or less?

I’m just a guy.

Are you a fan of surveys?

They’re something to do. Maybe they provide some insight into where I am at that particular point at time.

If money was no object, who would you donate your money to and why?

What I’m doing right now.

Who is the last person you emailed?

I think it was probably a response to something on the HR Geeks List about last night’s Jitsi meeting.

What is your dream automobile?

I’m too blind to drive, so I don’t. My dreams of particular cars are over.

What color are your eyes?

Blue.

If you could be any famous person living or dead who would it be and why?

Where I am now, I don’t think I’d want to be anybody other than me.

How do you change a light bulb?

For the most part, that’s not something I ever have to worry about anymore.

What is spring weather like where you live?

It sounds like it’s been up-and-down temperature-wise. I think it was actually snowing here the other day.

Do you like dogs or cats and why?

Dogs. They actually like people. Cats kind of put up with us, and eat pests. If they feel like it.

That I’m incredibly-allergic to cats might have something to do with it, but that’s something I’ve learned as I got older.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  

Just that much.

I got back on the exercise wagon one day after getting off.

I was bored, maybe.

But I did take a day off. A day.

I still haven’t been able to let myself really relax about anything, really.

I ought to quit that.

Last week’s entry had kind of veiled references to part of what I was getting my wife for her birthday. Muffalettas from Central Grocery.

Yes, there was great temptation to eat those last night, but Friday, Lent, etc..

Why do I adhere to these customs? I don’t know. Maybe the same reason I kept exercising when I really needed a break. Or writing every day during November. (Aside: I really ought to collect writing prompts throughout the year. Or finish going through the list I already have. Hmm. I do have an unfinished list for one of those, where I’m supposed to make a list of 100 things I like. That prompt is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be when I started it….)

Breaking a habit is difficult.

I’m doing a really bad job at quitting a few things.

But I got a big sidetracked writing today. I have things to which I must attend….

Just finished to this.

It’s an interesting discussion, and goes to something that one of the shows I’ve been listening to is worried about…where companies providing credit are concerned more with lending standards based on odd factors.

Whatever.

Lenders should be able to do whatever they want to do. Government shouldn’t get involved with it at all.

Governments are not stakeholders. They might, now, be shareholders, due to the reckless monetary fiddling that’s been going on.

But when you try to do things you think are valuable to others at the point of a gun, you are an immoral person.

There was one guy I worked with who constantly would do unethical things in business, and justifying them by saying they’re not immoral.

I’m still completely befuddled as to how you could make such a justification. You have to live with what you did, and whatever mental anguish comes from those actions.

Tying it back to the discussion of the debate — regardless of whether you make a big profit, or lose money, you have to think about what harm your actions might have caused someone else.

I’m okay with most of the things I’ve done. I am confident that if someone examined how I’ve lived, most people would not take major issue with my choices. I do think that I’ll be rewarded for that, but I may never see it. I think that the people I love, and the people who care to ask me about it, share my view.

I’ve never set out to harm anyone.

Primum non nocere. If you don’t agree, that’s fine. You can leave. If I’m not wanted, I’ll do the same. *shrug*

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I made it through the long week, and find myself ahead for all of my medical stuff towards the end of next week, as well as Monday of the following week.

Focus is fleeting now, so I’m going to stop.

That’s not a good place to start the week, but that’s where I am.

My sense of dread for last week was sort of founded, but I did get through it.

The exercise goal was tough for a single day, mainly just because i forgot to do it in amidst the busy work obligations.

I did end up writing leet skriptz to do some things that are happening this week. We’ll see how well things work starting tomorrow.

So. What’s on tap for this week?

Well, I have a telehealth appointment early Monday morning, and a dental cleaning Wednesday after work.

Otherwise, it’s just a normal March week.

March often seems to me like the longest month. I can remember absolutely hating it when I was in school.

Thirty-one days. No holidays. Just an endless drone of school.

Since I’ve been older, it’s been better.

Obviously, there’s jubilation about St. Patrick’s Day. (Which I still maintain that if you’re going to go out, you should go to a Mexican joint…then go to the Irish joint on Cinco de Mayo….) Lent, too, which I really didn’t appreciate when I was younger. More below in the TOTW § below.

There is something about being in a routine to get your head straight. Maybe there’s no direct benefit, but these ritualized things that prepare you for whatever you’re doing.

I’m having flashbacks to Two-A-Days playing high school football.

Twice-daily practices in the hottest part of summer are awful.

You’re sore. You’re more exhausted than you’ve ever been.

But there’s something good that comes from all of it.

When you’re playing football, you’re in shape, and you know the playbook.

When you’re preparing for Easter, you’re setting your heart and mind for the teachings, and the things that faith informs.

But, with that, there’s things that I don’t know, and will never know.

And I can’t get to the place where I’ll ever get behind the concept that ritualistic preparation is the answer for salvation.

Or health. Look at the COVID prescriptions. You’ve got the prescriptions from The Elect who then, themselves, catch the virus.

Things change. If I was coaching football, I wouldn’t have folks running Oklahoma Drills, but…

On to the TOTW, because my focus is kind of off.

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Theme of the week thing…

Theme of the Week 87 – What are some things you do simply because that is the path that is set out for you? Are those things really adding value to your life?

I wrote during NoJoMo about How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World.

I seem to remember him talking about mundane things you do every day that don’t necessarily bring you happiness, but you do them anyway.

One of the things he wrote about was brushing your teeth. It doesn’t really bring you joy or distress, but it’s something you need to do to be somewhat healthy.

Is that really a path set out for you? I don’t know.

I know that while I was younger, there were things I did just because my parents thought they were the right things for me to do.

Some of them worked. Others didn’t.

Some of them brought me joy, others were just kind of going through the routine for the sake of going through the routine.

The problem I find myself in now, however, is that few things I do actually bring me any joy these days.

And that’s part of the reason I’m seeing a psychologist.

Will I ever enjoy the “value” doing these things might bring to my life?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that my failure to do them would result in more displeasure than whatever joy I might find from just choosing not to do them.

Okay. I did that. Now what?

Oddly, part of the podcast I’m listening to right now is talking about the Ark of the Covalent.

There’s just things that you do. Maybe there’s no benefits that are tangible right now.

Maybe it’s just a part of human nature.

I might write, just because there’s things that skip across my brain.

There’s been things floating around about student loan forgiveness.

First story from DDG News tab….

Elizabeth Warren is big on taxing wealth.

I would say do the student loan forgiveness in full for people who couldn’t finish their store-bought degrees.

For people who graduated, and I know Liz is big on wealth taxes, take the amount forgiven from the universities’ endowments.

There’s a lot of very wealthy people in higher ed who’ve given money to their alma maters. Take that. It’s money they’ve willingly given. The current student loan burden is there largely due to universities offering degrees that will never allow the students to earn enough to repay the price of those degrees. Take the money from them.

That is wealth that you can tax, Senator.

I will say that I have no idea what the tax implications will be for those whose loans are forgiven.

That is taxable income.

Busy week, but productive.

Obviously, the big news in my former world is the death of Rush Limbaugh.

As I aged, and was exposed to more information, his offerings became less pallatablle.

It happens.

I worked for one of his affiliates for nearly a decade. I’m still on good terms with the people I worked with there.

I’m pretty sure that it was while I was working there that I was fully-taught that on the air, you say “never a negative thought.”

It makes a difference to people who are listening. It’s something that’s been known for a long time.

When Daylight Savings Time begins or ends, you remind the listeners, “Remember to change your clocks before you go to bed.

Saying “don’t forget” is a negative thought.

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

Slight differences in language do make a difference.

That doesn’t translate well when you’re dealing with deeply-held political views in writing.

So when you start a broadcast/cable/podcast with a recession of an angry partisan screed, people switch away.

Your job is the get people to stick around long enough to listen to some commercials.

Otherwise, consuming your product is exhausting.

Even with draconian laws and regulations, you can leave.

That applies to things to which you’ve long had an allegiance.

It’s difficult, but sometimes it’s what you have to do.

There’s also no way to force people back into line; people have to want to be back consuming your offereiings.

And, as I wrote this, I took my own advice, and unsubscribed from that which I’d turned off Thursday.

It was tough, but it was something I needed to do.

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So. What’s on tap for this week?

Another 10% increase in my exercise number. That’s for tomorrow, and I’m not particularly looking forward to it, but, again, doing what I need to do.

Keep the mailing lists up and running. Please subscribe to the ch-talk list. I gave access to someone else to help monitor the somewhat-tricky list daemon. (On an unrelated note, GNU apps don’t seem to always play nicely with the shitshow that is systemd…)

Some menial tracking stuff at work; I won’t elaborate.

Get through more of this that I’ve been listening to. Naturally, being the GenXer I am, I think about this.

Get my free Intertubes connection running. ComcatXfinity probably will try to shut it off, but I’m wondering if there’s something I can do with an IPSec tunnel to make it look like I’m working from home or something. I am a bit heartened that it appears the FCC isn’t going to be the disaster that it could be with the Democrats back in charge. I think this was something I meant to link the other day. If Government is the answer, you didn’t ask a good question.

I think I’ve written enough for the day. More as the inspiration strikes.

It’s a chance to sit and collect various thoughts I’ve had through the week. Or something.

If you’re reading, or just want to talk to me, please subscribe to the mailing list, and talk amongst yourselves. I’m not going to restrict discussion, unless something is completely out-of-bounds.

There’s folks who are trying to do things absent the big tech big tech cancellation. I heard about this on a podcast yesterday.

Registered. And no email. Hm. Things work more slowly. I guess the immediacy is something that people really value these days. I’m okay waiting.

Unrelated, but somewhat along the same lines, with the cancel culture, it can work in the other way. My thinking on this started seeing this in one of my newsfeeds. Companies are refusing customers left and right. I remember having mixed thoughts about what happened with Sarah Sanders at a restaurant here in Virginia.

I guess this speaks a bit towards to what Barry Goldwater’s objections to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 were.

Virginia law doesn’t apply the protections of that act to private businesses.

It’s a tough thing. In 1964, there were many places where there was only a single provider for many things.

That’s not true anymore. You can choose to live your life separately. Yes, it might be difficult, but it’s really not that difficult.

Do it.

And if you own/run a business, choose your customers. Choose how you will be reimbursed, too. Crypto. Barter. Whatever Government has shown repeatedly that it’s incapable of doing much correctly. Or, as Harry Browne put it, Government Doesn’t Work. (Yes, that’s a huge PDF, but it came up in my search results, and the shopping links were all from that company with which I will not do business..)

I got distracted by an alert about the impeachment trial. They voted for witnesses. Senator Graham changed his vote at the end when it was clear that there would be witnesses. So, nothing will get done in the Senate until this comedy of errors is finished. Democracy at work!!1!

Tell us about a personal challenge you overcame, and how it helped you grow

I’ve spent several days trying to figure out how to answer this one.

Perhaps I’ll expound elsewhere about the particulars of what I’ve done, but I don’t know that I’m ready to articulate it fully on my public site.

I don’t really “overcome” things. I compensate, and adjust to keep moving along.

Since so many of my adjustments are related to my various physical issues.

Given that I’ve had all of these major things going on with my body, basically since puberty, some of the things I did to deal with physical discomfort weren’t good for me.

My psychologist has kind of pointed me towards OCD, especially the “Pure O” version of OCD.

I have many obsessions, and the various things I’d developed really don’t work for others (and I started seeing my doctor when the methods I’d developed really quit working for me all at once).

I do have obsessions. Writing, for example, but I’m definitely more towards the obsessive side of OCD.

So, have I overcome it? No.

Am I better than I was, say, two years ago? Absolutely.

I’ve done all of these things, but there’s so many things that I would have liked to go and do that I now can’t. I have money to travel, buy things I would like, etc., but I really can’t enjoy them because of things that have gotten worse with the MS progression.

For example, skiing would be something that’s a near-suicidal urge.

Even things around town are tough when you can’t drive or walk well.

I don’t think I’ve overcome, but I’m certainly a lot better than I was not terribly long ago.

I guess I can say that without getting sued; there’s no ads here.

Very ambivalent on the game, honestly. There’s things about each team that I like, and things about each I really don’t like.

KC Likes: Patrick Mahomes. Travis Kelce, Spagnolo Defense. KC Dislikes: F’n West Coast Offense.

Tampa likes: Arians, Brady, Antonio Brown, Gronk, Fournette, Byron Leftwich, Ryan Succop. Tampa dislikes: 34 blitz-all-the-things Defense, Brady, Antonio Brown, that it’s Tampa, Suh…

But there’s still roughly six hours before kickoff, so I’m trying to find things to do until I start watching TV.

We watched the NFL Honors last night. Not happy that Rodgers got the MVP, though not as unhappy as Collinsworth and Aikman are that he said something about a fiancée. Was nice seeing Alex Smith win the Comeback Player of the Year.

Yes, I’m rambling.

I’ve been on hold with a certain foreign retailer who might have designed the Rams’ new uniforms. 31 minutes. We ordered this stuff in September. Three pieces. One was delivered late, and the other two have never arrived. I phoned at the start of the year to see what the deal was. Oh, we’ll refund the shipping, and the charges for the items that haven’t been delivered.

No credit back on my credit card.

That’s enough for now. I’m bored. I’ll update this once I finally get through to these people.