Callback to prompts from 11/18/2012
(And I didn’t paste in what I was planning on writing to, but I dug up the entry from that day….)
1. Are you a risk-taker?Do you weigh the pros and cons or jump right in?
Short answers: “No. Depends.” Longer answers: “I’m actually pretty risk-averse when you get right down to it. Living with my physical limitations kind of demands that. Have I done things that might get me hurt, fired, arrested? Sure. Are there a lot that come immediately to mind? No.”
Those said, considering what you see on TV this time of year, the Internets all year long, etc., I marvel at the paranoia I see. People don’t understand probabilities at all, jump to conclusions. With medical issues, it gets worse. Next on The Doctors, “Is my hangnail due to the chicken I ate in 1987?”
This one is actually pretty interesting a decade later.
My risks are kind of minimized due to the negative experiences I’ve had, but, really on many things, I just don’t give a shit, anymore.
And this is one of the reasons I’m getting mental health care.
Yes, I know that doing something is risky. In too many cases, I just don’t care.
I’ve done the work to get me, and my wife, into position that if something goes awry, it’s really not a big deal.
Maybe teetering so close to oblivion previously affected that, but I think I’ve learned from mistakes, and won’t make the same choices again.
The lack of worry about colossal failure really has ignited odd desires to do things that aren’t terribly dangerous, but are risky.
Can I eat that raw oyster? Is it okay that I don’t put on a seatbelt in the backseat of this taxi? Can I just go and take a trip to..?
So that’s there, mentally, but at the same time, I don’t derive any real pleasure from doing the risky thing. Nothing is thrilling. Few things are really even satisfying at this point.
I guess most people would be bummed out about that, but I really just can’t muster the depression about it. To use a phrase that particularly irks a close relative, “it is what it is.”
And getting upset about that accomplishes absolutely nothing, so why bother?