Author: sean

If you could meet any character from a film, who would you meet? What would that meeting be like? What about that character speaks to you?

Tyler Durden

Do I really need to say a lot more about it than that?

First rule, bro.

Writing Prompt: What was a time you felt the most brave? What was a time you didn’t feel brave at all? 

Much like yesterday’s entry, it’s tough to pin a single instance down. I am, by no means, a corageous person. Am I the lion from The Wizard of Oz? Hardly. Am I brave? Hell no.

So, two brave times (and they may also just have been stupid).

1. 2004, when I drove to and from Spokane to see my friend. Alone. I’d been feeling horrible before the trip, so I figured if I made it alive, I’d be okay. I did. Felt like crap when I was there, but felt somewhat okay on the way back, and the week after. I didn’t have many more serious MS symptoms for years after that. (Until the bout of optic neuritis in 2006?)

2. When I went for the MRI for diagnosis. Well, three MRIs. I hadn’t married, yet. My dad offered to give me a ride to the hospital, but I truned him down after they scheduled me at 0545. I drove myself. I made it through almost three hours inside that damn tube. No drugs. I admit I did punch the panic button once, but that’s only because I was afraid I was going to puke after they injected the dye.

And, on to the least brave….

1. Leaving that last company, which shall not be named. My boss was on vacation. I’d driven to his house before he left to let him know it might be happening if I got the offer.

I really didn’t get the offer I was hoping for. I got a different one. The money was right, so I took it. I’m still there. It’s now the job I’ve had the second-longest in my life. Telling the weasel owner I was leaving was tough. I thought I liked the guy. Little did I know what he’d done — what he’d done, what he was still going to do to fuck me over. Seriously, fuck that guy. There’s a reason he’s teaching high school in Florida.

They fired my boss two days after I turned in my notice. I turned in my resignation letter as I was leaving Monday evening. They fired him Thursday. While he was still overseas on vacation. Yes, that shady. My problems started a couple of weeks after I’d left; walking in to the Magistrate’s office to take out a protective order takes a certain amount of bravery….

So, moments of being not brave?

Umm…..I’m sure they involved medical stuff. Getting veins stuck does bad things to me.

Yes, there’s things missing from this that I put in the other one.  Sue me;  my blog sucks.  But, I will put in something here I omitted in the other one — douchebag’s initials   Since, after the mess with me leaving, I bitched vocally here about the criminality I saw, it wouldn’t surprise me if PG still checks from time to time.  If so, fuck you, guy.  Florida is exactly the right place for you.

Writing Prompt: What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life so far?

(And since this is my blog, I’ll track back to Dana, who’s doing this, also, though with different prompts since she’s using a different site.  But it’s a November thing.  I’m also doing the mustache for November.  If it looks stupid, it’s becoming a beard.  I already feel like a damn hippy, and it’s only been one day without shaving!  And, as I said, pls2notbementioning the URL of the other place where I write if you know, or find it.)

Have spent a lot of time considering what I should choose for this; I don’t focus much on past accomplishments. Not terribly long ago, I was complaining about the Captain Philip Francis Queeg school of management. Queeg, of course, spent his entire career trying to recreate his few moments of adequacy. I try hard to avoid that.

My focus, professionally, is creating a workable solution at a low cost. Sometimes finding that solution requires setting aside what you’ve done in the past, and re-examining everything.

Getting married has definitely affected my evaluation criteria. Things I would have taken pride in as a single dude really aren’t important anymore. Woohoo! I drank an entire six pack in one sitting! Big fucking deal to most frat boys. My wife, however, would be disgusted by that behavior.

So, since I can’t isolate a single thing, I’ll just throw some things out of which I’m proud:

1. That I married someone who might possibly be my perfect partner.
2. That I’ve yet to miss a dose of any of my MS meds, now more than two years’ into taking them.
3. That I am dedicated to work, despite more than ample reason not to be.
4. My service to others. Some of it is kind of thankless, but…. The vast majority of it’s been without compensation. Is it satisfying when something I put together is still functional years after its expected demise? You bet. As far as I know, there’s systems in use at former jobs. My old company, whose name I will not mention, is still selling things I designed. Something I put together now almost seven years ago is still chugging along. And so on.
4. That I surpassed the 2,000 entry mark, and didn’t even notice it.
5. That I’ve been responsible elsewhere in my life last few years. I was reckless when I was younger. I admit that now. Yes, being sick has sapped my reckless abandon on some things, but I’d started down that path before I knew I was sick.
6. Forgiveness. I’ve gotten better about it. Those who’ve harmed me may not be as dear as they once were, but I’m still civil. When I was younger, I probably wouldn’t have been.

So, is there a lot to point to, there? Yes. Is there a “crowning achievement?” No. (Though number one comes awfully damn close…..I still haven’t figured out how I pulled that one off while still being myself….) I’m okay with that.

Met with PCP this morning. Had a long discussion. No leeching. No flu shot (they didn’t have them). I’m satisfied. She’s learning, doing as much research as she can, trying to figure out how to best care for me. Yes, medicine is a science, but it’s not an exact one. So, the stuff I’ve been on may have quit working. Okay, try something different. Maybe I’ve built up a tolerance to it. Maybe I’ll end up back on it. Who knows. I need to go see her again after New Orleans, and we’ll forge ahead.

That brings me to issue two: storm. I had three months’ worth of Copaxone in my fridge. Teva’s service company says it’s okay, so long as it wasn’t ever over 86F, and wasn’t poorly refrigerated for more than 24 hours. I’m good. Renters’ insurance is going to cover the food we’ll have to throw out. It’s not a big claim, and she was happy to pay it. We could get by without it, but, there’s a reason I’ve been paying them for almost four years, now.

Doc also wants me to keep daily tabs on my vision, balance, continence, and extremity numbness. I can do that when I do my shot every morning. No biggie.

The Copaxone stopped working at some point (if it worked at all), and I had two new lesions between December and August, one of which was active during the scan last week. Other lesions grew in size.

*sigh*

I really haven’t noticed any significant deterioration, and, for the most part, I feel the same as I did in December.

I dunno.

Doctor would like to switch me to Tysabri. Tysabri has a rare, but often fatal side-effect. This is a big concern, obviously. That said, there’s now a blood test to determine susceptibility (which seems to hinge on exposure to a virus in the past). I guess we’ll see. I’m staying on the Copaxone for another three months, and we’ll re-evaluate in November. If I haven’t been exposed to the virus that causes the fatal side-effect, it’s likely going to be Tysabri. If I have, it’ll be Rebif or stay on the Copaxone.

Still, trying day, and I’m more than a little upset at the nurse who told me last week that there wasn’t anything new or active on the MRI.

*sigh*

….whether or not you might have inadvertently pissed someone off with some offhand comment.  Maybe it shows that I haven’t completely quit giving a shit about others’ feelings.  Dunno.  Of course, there are some people I know I’ve pissed off, and I really don’t care if they tell me or not.  Maybe it’s getting old.  Maybe it’s realizing how petty, and lacking in understanding they are.

Excuse the random bitching.  But, I really doubt anyone ever reads this, anyway.

So, no progression on the lesions on the MRI, but nurse said the neuro wants to switch me to a different medication.  If you’re confused, so am I.

I’ll push back on it, unless there’s a really compelling reason.  If it’s working, I’d just assume not switch.  Yes, taking shots every single day seriously sucks.  But it’ll have been fourteen months on monday, and I haven’t missed a single one.

Dunno.  I guess we’ll see.

So, MRI today.  The techs weren’t really forthcoming with the information, and I don’t really like having to wait.  I’ve delayed my prescription refill until next week, hoping the neuro’s office will let me know before my appointment next week that everything is a-okay.

But I still can’t say I’m used to this nonsense, and the reflective dye injection still treats me badly.  I didn’t have as bad a reaction this time, but still felt like I was going to puke.  Bleh.  I’m thinking that, more than the other concerns, makes the Tysabri less of an option for me if I need to switch meds.  The results about improvements in vision, along with it being only once a month are plusses, but, still, IV.  Bleh.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0711/60254.html

Wages stagnant, because what would have been given as raises is being spent on health care. While I still thin there’s not a way to fix things other than a single-payer insurance system (not this mess the ACA created, or HSAs), this sort of accounting analysis is blasphemous to people who support organized labor at all costs.

Count them as income, and see how much that line worker is actually earning. Do the same for me, too, but I actually pay income taxes.