Category: Scarred Brain murmurings

Kinda like Loveboy.

Long week behind me, but I made it through.

Today I hit my two weeks since getting my second COVID-19 shot. I shared a meme, presumably made with this, with the two options being “wear a mask to show my virtue,” and “remove my mask to show I’m vaccinated.”

I have some ideas about what to do with that. Maybe I’ve been listening to/reading too much John McWhorter lately. There is something there, and I’m not sure exactly how, yet, to consolidate it, but there’s a Hyper-Calvinist thing that’s been going on for several years now. Prove you’re not a part of the portion of the population who saw to it that Donald Trump was elected. Prove that you’re on the right side of All The Things.

My wife and I got into a disagreement the other night after seeing the stuff out of Loudoun County, Virginia, in reaction to the instruction of Critical Race Theory.

In spite of the Byrd Organization, the Loudoun County Public Schools weren’t of an explicitly-racist formulation. Watch a movie from nearly forty years ago, and you’ll see that there was basically nothing out there.

Where was the innate racism? Behind which cornstalk, exactly?

Most of what’s out there has been erected in the past twenty years. Everything is modern. You’d have to go a long way to support the contention that the whole thing is based on racism. But the late-thirties women teaching in these schools who can’t afford any of the houses in the neighborhoods, aren’t at all interested in hearing any of it.

But I think the bigger lesson of it is that you have a group of people who believe they have The Answer^tm to just about everything under the sun.

If it takes flexing your small political plurality to force people to think exactly the way that you think today is disturbing.

There is more than a little of the Hyper-Calvinist spirit in that.

Leave people alone. Don’t worry about how others live their lives. Live your own life the best way that you can, and, maybe someone will want to use you as an example. If they have something you want, trade with them peacefully.

I’m listening this afternoon to an episode of Unregistered with Thaddeus Russell. For whatever reason, searching for the ep isn’t working very well, but searching with the episode number works. 153.

So. Other stuff. Realization last night, with all of the states removing their mask requirements, was that this is something of a head fake after their gas shortage, on top of the really bad job numbers.

Let’s get people out of their houses, let the small businesses that haven’t failed reopen, and hope things look better when the June numbers come out.

I would be happy to go enjoy a day without a mask next week, perhaps support a local business, but about the only place I’m supposed to go is the hospital on Friday to get my next infusion.

Oh well.

I need to take vacation.

Spent much of the day yesterday getting passed in and out of an MRI tube. Naturally, I went and looked at the results this morning, and, with my novice reading of the results, there’s nothing going on in my head. Unfortunately, there may be an active lesion in my back.

I’m not completely surprised by this. What it means, I don’t know. It’ll be something to discuss with my neurologist the next time we have an appointment.

I guess I had a phone conversation with my mom after the procedure, but I actually don’t remember it. I guess the sedatives did exactly what they’re supposed to do. She’s off dealing with a death in the family.

(She may have been COVID, but I’m not sure there’d be a lot of sense in looking thoroughly at it. This particular person I’d “met” several times, but I’m not sure she was even really aware of who I am. Not going to add a lot more beyond that, but she’d been in a care facility pretty much my whole life…)

I also got my second Phizer COVID-19 vaccine does on Saturday. Aside from the expected sore arm day of the shot, nothing notable the first day. That night, however, the side-effects hit me pretty hard.

Though I didn’t have a fever, I was shivering pretty heavily that night. I emailed my boss, and said I was going to take Monday off.

By the end of Sunday, after finally eating something sort of substantial, I was feeling better. I still decided to take Monday “off,” which meant I’d only end up working part of the day. Sign on at my normal time, check that everything is up, nap, catch the weekly staff meeting, nap/chill out for the rest of the day, then do a routine nighttime operation.

Three pretty intensive days of work in the middle of the week, and then “off” for Friday to do my MRIs.

So that was the week that was. This evening, I’m supposed to go have dinner with my oldest friend, where we’ll eat more Muffalettas. Something I’m actually a bit looking forward to.

We’ll see how it goes.

My sleep schedule is completely out-of-whack between the shot, and the MRI yesterday.

Maybe I can get things squared away.

So what I’m listening to this morning. Right now, Peddling Fiction. Before that, The Fifth Column. Interspersed/interrupted by random Tory Amos earworm.

Don’t ask me; I’m the one with the scarred brain.

Other tings…

The list of reasons of to live where I do keeps dwindling.

*gets distracted running numbers*

We’ll see what happens.

That was the word that came to mind for what I’m doing to myself for the next week.

I’ve been doing a horrible job adhering to this. (Interestingly enough, the DDG search turned up something from the Army, not the Air War College, which is what I used to get with the totes-didn’t-used-to-do-evil engine…) Would that word be too complex?

Somehow I got on a word-of-the-day email list. I have no idea what happened to cause that, and I’ve been hesitant to unsubscribe. Finding the precise word to describe something is completely correct for whatever I’m trying to convey.

In the background is this….

I made it through this week. It was actually somewhat uneventful, actually. I get my next COVID-preventer next Saturday. What I’m doing actually has some things running incredibly smoothly.

Just move forward, and understand that everything gets deleted, eventually. What I’m doing now will eventually be replaced.

And I’m okay with this.

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And I got distracted there for about an hour. It happens. Responsibilities.

News. Obviously, the conviction of the cop in Minneapolis was the big story of the week. I’m surprised that there wasn’t rioting, there, despite the guilty verdicts. There was something I watched, which had a very disjointed flow chart where

I’m confused about Minnesota law, where he was convicted of the lesser-included charges.

I do wonder if at least some of the convictions will be overturned by the judge not sequestering the jury; if they don’t convict, everything will burn. *shrug* But things are still on fire in Oregon, where you might have to wear a mask forever.

If they existed, a permanent mask mandate might be a good thing for Antifa.

Other stuff. Permanent expanded unemployment benefits. Sit, UBI, Sit! Good Dog!

If you’re younger, didn’t watch TV in the 80s, you probably don’t understand that. Whatever. /GenX

It’s noon, so I’m going to stop. I’ll look for something in the themes of the week later on.

And take your money elsewhere.

I meant to write a bit about this earlier, but I forgot. Instead of editing the previous post, I’ll give this its own.

You might have heard or seen a brief mention that the effort to unionize a plant in Alabamastan failed.

A couple of stories about how Amazon “won,” but very little good analysis, in my opinion.

I also marvel at the deafening silence from Vice News. Not sure if that’s as embarrassing as Katie Hill, but it’s close.

You don’t like how Amazon treats its workers?

Don’t buy from them. I try to avoid that, myself. Sometimes I’ll even go out of my way to avoid giving them money.

It’s really not that difficult.

The Microsoft spell check says that that title is misspelled.

Maybe it is, but I really don’t care. I think it fits.

A lot of what I’ve been working on the past few years is trying to rebuild what i let fall by the wayside for several years.

But I do know how to do these things. Maybe they’re not the new hotness(tm), but they do work.

And I do them because I’ve seen that they do work.

There were some interesting things that came up in one of my social groups last night. We ended up discussing some of what came up in some of what I wrote about recently from an OD writing prompt. It also plays in to some of what Harry Browne wrote about in How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World. There are things that you do that may not bring you any particular joy, but they do help you perform later.

Those suicide drills don’t help you block or tackle.

Running them until you puke doesn’t have any immediately-apparent benefit. And, as a player, when you’re dealing with the pain involved with running them, you hate the person who made you run them.

Then you finally get to the point when you can play. The hatred is gone.

I think in adulthood, one of the troubles is figuring out something you can do to challenge yourself.

One of the podcasts I routinely consume talked about the mechanics of writing a book. Committing to write 2,000 words per day? Yeah, I can do that.

It wasn’t particularly long ago that I would have thought that that was completely impossible.

The big thing is figuring out what you want to be able to do, and the tedious things you’ll need to do to be able to do them.

If you’d told me in 2011 that, in the same week, I’d get an injection on Saturday, then an infusion the following Friday, I would have told you that that you’re nuts.

*steps away to look at how long this entry is*

Yeah, getting close to that point, already.

It’s taken me maybe an hour, total, to write that.

So, yeah, there is something about comes from adherence to something ritualized that helps you progress as a person.

Back on the discussion last night, part of what I’m fascinated by lately, too, is the role of religion in human life.

When I was young, kind of a Randroid, I was more than a little skeptical of religion. I’ve heard Vin Armani on a few different podcasts recently. *DDGs it* I hate linking to Reddit, but this is one of the first things that came up.

The secularities among various separate religions is fascinating. Even things like the vibrations induced by chanting are virtually identical.

So what is that?

Maybe there’s something else going on.

Bouncing back to the writing — I need ideas for something longer to write about.

Suggestions wanted.

Accomplished this weekend, other than getting the first part of my two-part vaccine.

Just a paper where they wrote the date of the dose.

No, you may not see it, and I will not show it willingly.

I won’t carry it.

If you refuse to sell to me because I will not present it, that may or may not be okay. I’m really not going to be terribly upset about you refusing to sell to me.

You’ve lost a sale, and I will tell my friends and family why they shouldn’t buy from you in the future.

That kind of ties in to the woke MLB All-Star game move.

Because Georgia passed a law that institutes the sorts of restrictions on voting that many other states have, you have to move the game to perhaps the whitest city in the league.

Um.

So I stop consuming. I do it by my choice. Blocked and Reported, if you will. Except, maybe, I’m not reporting. I’m just blocking.

I will take my attention, and money elsewhere.

Next injection scheduled. Mayday. Somehow that seems appropriate.

Listening to Robbie right now.

I will get the first dose of the Phizer vaccine later this week. After checking to see if there were any negative contradictions to my disease modifying therapy, I’ve cleared it with my neurologist. If private denial of service isn’t a violation of this, then I will simply refuse to give them my business.

I get overly concerned about these things, but that wanes over time.

The last entry was, again, something I’d been asked to answer. Done and done.

One of the questions was about whether I enjoy doing surveys. Occasionally? But as I’ve gotten older, and written things down, they do provided some insight into what my frame of mind was at the time I took the survey.

Some answers remain true. Several, actually.

But I don’t persist with most things. Reaching back, though, I can see some of the things that might have attracted my attention initially.

But things change.

I’m not sure where I was going with all of these thoughts.

News.

Top story on Hacker News was about the NeXT World Wide Web browser. Of interest to me, but I’d imagine it’d be completely irrelevant these days.

Even in the early days of Mac OS X, you’d end up using a browser in an emulation mode just to see pages display somewhat-properly.

But I can’t imagine what an exercise in futility trying to browse the web on the Classic MacOS version Netscape Navigator.

That brings me to another story that was affecting the local news here inside the Beltway.

My esteemed alma mater now has an alumnus more famous than XKCD.

The guy who killed a police officer at the US Capitol graduated from CNU. But just like the folks on January 6th, they were all white supremacist’s, right?

Oh. He was a black guy, member of NOI.

Moving along. Nothing to see here.

And I’m getting distracted, so I’m going to stop writing for now.

Another entry is coming later, but I wanted to knock this out…

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What is your favorite color?

I think I’m attracted to shades of blue.

Why is the sky blue?

Various reflections and refractions.

What do you do on a rainy day?

Same thing I do on sunny days — stay inside, because I really can’t go anywhere with my various maladies.

What do you eat for breakfast?

Low-fat black cherry yogurt, heavy cream, and coffee.

Who is your favorite sports team and why?

I was living in Leavenworth, Kansas in 1985. I’ve been a Royals’ fan ever since. My family is from the greater New Orleans area. There’s no major league baseball team. The Saints had Jim Mora’s USFL All-Star team playing in the Super Dome. Saints’ fans wouldn’t look at me sideways when I mentioned something like Beignets or Jambalaya. So, yeah, I’m there.

When do you write in Open Diary?

Most often on Saturdays. The answers to this, as well as most of my writing, actually originated in my blog at control-h.0rg.

(I started writing at OD in 1999. It did uncork what’d been bottled up since high school, when my English teacher was very concerned about a Gen Xer with bad acne….)

Where do you keep your keys?

Right now, they’re in my pants on the floor in the bedroom. (I am wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt….)

How do you like where you live?

I really don’t know at this point. The last year has really changed things. I’m not upset that my wife and I didn’t end up in DC. We are still in “the swamp,” but I could really be okay anywhere with decent connectivity.

Do you like cottage cheese?

If it’s on or in something I’m given or order, I’ll probably eat it. I probably wouldn’t reach for it otherwise.

How would you describe yourself in 5 words or less?

I’m just a guy.

Are you a fan of surveys?

They’re something to do. Maybe they provide some insight into where I am at that particular point at time.

If money was no object, who would you donate your money to and why?

What I’m doing right now.

Who is the last person you emailed?

I think it was probably a response to something on the HR Geeks List about last night’s Jitsi meeting.

What is your dream automobile?

I’m too blind to drive, so I don’t. My dreams of particular cars are over.

What color are your eyes?

Blue.

If you could be any famous person living or dead who would it be and why?

Where I am now, I don’t think I’d want to be anybody other than me.

How do you change a light bulb?

For the most part, that’s not something I ever have to worry about anymore.

What is spring weather like where you live?

It sounds like it’s been up-and-down temperature-wise. I think it was actually snowing here the other day.

Do you like dogs or cats and why?

Dogs. They actually like people. Cats kind of put up with us, and eat pests. If they feel like it.

That I’m incredibly-allergic to cats might have something to do with it, but that’s something I’ve learned as I got older.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  

Just that much.

I got back on the exercise wagon one day after getting off.

I was bored, maybe.

But I did take a day off. A day.

I still haven’t been able to let myself really relax about anything, really.

I ought to quit that.

Last week’s entry had kind of veiled references to part of what I was getting my wife for her birthday. Muffalettas from Central Grocery.

Yes, there was great temptation to eat those last night, but Friday, Lent, etc..

Why do I adhere to these customs? I don’t know. Maybe the same reason I kept exercising when I really needed a break. Or writing every day during November. (Aside: I really ought to collect writing prompts throughout the year. Or finish going through the list I already have. Hmm. I do have an unfinished list for one of those, where I’m supposed to make a list of 100 things I like. That prompt is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be when I started it….)

Breaking a habit is difficult.

I’m doing a really bad job at quitting a few things.

But I got a big sidetracked writing today. I have things to which I must attend….